I M28, Crushing on My High School Friend (F28) Did I Make the Right Choice Not to Confess?

[puddlemush]

Lately, I (M28) discovered that I have a crush on my high school friend (F28). We often hang out together, just the two of us. Our most recent time together was on New Year’s Eve, where we watched fireworks. At first, I planned to confess my feelings to her—just a one-sided confession to let her know I like her without expecting anything in return. However, I couldn’t find the right moment, even though the fireworks created a perfect atmosphere.

After that night, things between us went back to normal. But then, I saw her Instagram story, where she reposted a reel from a Korean drama (Shooting Stars). In the scene, the male lead confesses his feelings to the female lead, and she screams and runs away. She captioned it with: "I think don’t be too sudden, I’m already quite shocked."

Did I make the right choice by not confessing my feelings to her? I feel like confessing feelings is always a bit shocking for the person hearing it, right? How should I approach confessing my feelings to her? On the other hand, I’m also scared that if I do confess, it might make things awkward between us.

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, puddlemush said:

Did I make the right choice by not confessing my feelings to her?

I think you made the right choice by not confessing your feelings, but you made the wrong choice by not showing your feelings. I only confessed feelings in high school as an attempt to date someone, it rarely works and it’s always better to do something than to say it with words.

 

4 hours ago, puddlemush said:

I feel like confessing feelings is always a bit shocking for the person hearing it, right?

Not if you know that the other person also has feelings for you. Or if you’re already together with that person. But yes, when nothing.is clear yet verbal confession rarely leads to anything.

Edited January 3 by Gebidozo

[ShyViolet]

I don't think some big, dramatic "confession" is the right way to go about this.  I think showing your feelings in small, subtle ways, just dropping hints, and then seeing her reaction, would be better.  Like give her small compliments, be slightly flirtatious, and see if she reciprocates that energy.  If not, then pull back.

[puddlemush]

On 1/4/2025 at 12:57 AM, Gebidozo said:

I think you made the right choice by not confessing your feelings, but you made the wrong choice by not showing your feelings. I only confessed feelings in high school as an attempt to date someone, it rarely works and it’s always better to do something than to say it with words.

 

Not if you know that the other person also has feelings for you. Or if you’re already together with that person. But yes, when nothing.is clear yet verbal confession rarely leads to anything.

I totally get what you're saying. I want to show her how I feel, but I'm not sure if I should do it more boldly or keep it subtle. I don't want to make her feel uneasy,  what do you think would be the best approach in this situation?

On 1/4/2025 at 3:14 AM, ShyViolet said:

I don't think some big, dramatic "confession" is the right way to go about this.  I think showing your feelings in small, subtle ways, just dropping hints, and then seeing her reaction, would be better.  Like give her small compliments, be slightly flirtatious, and see if she reciprocates that energy.  If not, then pull back.

I think I've done that in the most subtle way. Because of her bright and cheerful personality, sometimes it makes me wonder if she's also dropping hints or not

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, puddlemush said:

I totally get what you're saying. I want to show her how I feel, but I'm not sure if I should do it more boldly or keep it subtle. I don't want to make her feel uneasy,  what do you think would be the best approach in this situation?

When I like a woman, I ask her out on a date in a restaurant or some place like that. During the date, I’d initiate a lot of conversation, get to know her better, see if there is romantic chemistry. If it’s unclear and I really like the woman, I’d ask her out on another date. If it’s still unclear after three-four dates, my nascent feelings would dissipate, and I’d drop it.

If it appears clear that there are mutual budding feelings during the first or the second date, I’d steer the conversation into a flirtatious mode and romantic topics. Then I’d probably walk with her somewhere after the meal is over. I’d let the intimacy sink in. Then I’d catch the right moment and kiss her. If she doesn’t reciprocate, it would mean I misinterpreted her signals, that can happen but with time you learn to read the signals better. It’s not a big deal anyway, I’d apologize and say something very nice about her and walk away, my romantic feelings would then subside.

If she reciprocates the kiss, then I’d suggest walking her home and not insisting on anything else, you can’t go wrong with that. Sometimes you can feel that the woman would be okay with having sex at that point, women would also initiate, invite you over sometimes, and so on. Nothing wrong with going through with it, then. But if there is the slightest hint of doubt, better wait.

Sorry if this looks like a manual, it’s not, it’s just a generic description of what I normally experienced dating women. I never had the problem of showing a woman that I like her, so your question made me think how exactly I did that, and I just typed what I came up with.