I don't know what to feel

[Idekwhattoname]

So, I’ve been almost 6 months into my FIRST relationship with a guy who has already dated many girls. I really love him, so does he, but he makes me cry more than he makes me feel loved. But then again, when he loves me it feels like I’m living the best life ever. He says he doesn’t wanna lose me, and said he’ll not let me go, but I am almost sure he will, he once said he can’t put his ego aside for me out of anger, but I can see he does sometimes put it aside. I cry every single day because of what he does, how he acts, but he doesn’t realise it. He told me he doesn’t like when I cry and that it made him sad or smth, but now he acts like it’s smth I’ll do anyway, so why try and pursue me. I feel really lonely sometimes, I’m not even comparing with anyone, but I think I deserve better? I didn’t know someone could make you cry sm in a relationship. I don’t feel pretty, Ofc he says I’m pretty and that he lovessss how I lookkk, but I never really FELT prettyy. Everytime I try to express my feelings, it turns into an arguement and usually I’m the one understanding his situation and letting go of the topic. Idek how I feel anymore, I just want to be loved by him. I just want him to love me like he did in the beginning. Idk where I went wrong and lost that sweet boy who’d give up the world for me, idk what changed. I don’t wanna be away from him, I need him, but i don’t want to cry everyday, and Ik fs he will make me cry everyday, he called me annoying, started as a joke, and then I realised he actually meant itt, Idek how to feel abt this, I really need help, idk who to talk abt this to, I don’t want others to know I’m going through this, I talk to myself for hours bc it makes me feel less lonely. Trust me, he loves me, but I don’t feel loved. 

Edited January 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[basil67]

You sound like you're spinning out of control, and you definitely need help.   Given your profile says you are a teenager, I strongly suggest you go to your mother, or perhaps a trusted aunt.  

[ShyViolet]

19 hours ago, Idekwhattoname said:

 I cry every single day because of what he does, how he acts, but he doesn’t realise it. 

What exactly is it that he's doing?

[Gaeta]

He does NOT love you! When we love someone we are patient and kind with them. He's nothing like that with you.

Now you know why he had many girlfriends, he looks good outside but once you know him he's a horrible human being inside. 

You cannot change him. He will continue to treat you bad. You need to go talk to someone about this, someone like a school counselor, your mother, an adult you trust, you can even try those hotlines for teenagers.

You need to breakup with him and you will be fine! 

[smackie9]

He's had many GFs because he doesn't know how to love, including you. Now you know why, you see it first hand, he loses interest and the girl gets insecure. You don't have any experience so automatically you become clingy, frightened, and the normal reaction is to be insecure. We desire most what we can't have...this is why you have spun out of control, and have it cause issues. The more you cling to him, the more he pushes you away. So cut it out. Get your head on straight girl. It's becoming toxic. How this works: he's not giving you what you need, then you end it with him...oh ya I can hear your gasp from here....no this is a mom talk..There is nothing to make this better. The days of loving and sweetness from him are over. Get out of this now. And yes you will survive, be OK/happy and able to love again. Seek out your school counsellor to help you with this.