We are just Friends.

[Miss Wright]

do I listen to this guy when he says we are just friends but we do everything a couple does in a committed relationship? Do I just go with the flow and be patient or is their anything else I can do to see if this guy is really into me or not. I have this guy that I am speaking with. Everything was okay starting off as the talking stage for w while but we still courted. He would tell me he doesn’t want me and doesn’t want a relationship that we are just friends and he cares for me then ghosts me for a few weeks I would call to check in on him and so get him to speak to me but he sometimes talk and sometimes blank my messages and calls. Is he ghosting me or does he love the chase and the thrill from it he gets from me. I know he says that he doesn’t want to me with me but I want to be with him in a relationship. He gives me all the signs. Takes me out, I meet his friends, we hang out and we do adult stuff in the bedroom but then when all is done does the same thing and I fall for it every time . How can I tell if he likes the chase and likes to be chase or is he just using me . Do I listen to his words or his actions as his words says one things but he calls me and wants me to link up with him aswell when he want to do adult stuff and he takes me out and have bonding time. Does he wants me as a serious partner or just someone to be his friend but also have that other part of the relationship without being committed? How can I tell the difference. I think he really likes me as we can stop talking and get back together after months and even years but yet he keeps on saying he doesn’t want a relationship. What do I do? Do I continue to persuade him until he eventually changes his mind and commits to me? Am I wasting my time keeping going back. If he loves the thrill of me chasing after him foes that mean it is a form of his love language ? How can I tell does anyone else have these dating concerns when dating someone? 
 

 

[smackie9]

Get it out of your head that this could be more. He's playing you, saying and doing all the right things to keep you around when it's convenient for him. He's a user. He's only in it for the sex, and has been playing you like a fiddle. He ghosts because he's chasing someone else. He likes keeping his options open for more encounters. Stop being a fool and kick his butt to the curb.

[Sony12]

He's just continuing to lead you on so you keep on having sex with him.

[BaileyB]

56 minutes ago, Miss Wright said:

Is he ghosting me or does he love the chase and the thrill from it he gets from me.

It doesn’t sound like he is chasing you though… he tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, then he ghosts you until you contact him to “check up on him…”

How exactly is he demonstrating that he is “chasing you?”
 

56 minutes ago, Miss Wright said:

think he really likes me as we can stop talking and get back together after months and even years but yet he keeps on saying he doesn’t want a relationship.

A man who wants to date you will date you. The fact that he comes and goes from your life without making a commitment to you tells you that you are a convenience to him - 

It’s convenient for him that you will have sex with him when he has to out in such little effort to make it happen.

I don’t think the message he is sending by his words or his actions is inconsistent at all… he is not interested in a committed relationship with you and you need to understand and accept that. 

Edited January 5 by BaileyB

[ShyViolet]

He has told you he doesn't want a relationship with you and only sees you as a friend.  Why wouldn't you listen to what he has told you?  The fact that he's having sex with you doesn't mean he might someday change his mind and want a relationship with you.  He's obviously using you for convenient sex.  Why is your self-esteem so low that you would chase a guy who has clearly told you he's not interested in a relationship with you?  When someone clearly tells you they don't want you, don't continue to chase them around.  It only makes you look desperate and pathetic.  Find someone who actually wants you as much as you want them.

[basil67]

The behaviour you're describing does not remotely look like what happens in a committed relationship.   If he wanted you as a serious partner, he would be reliable, stay in contact with you, he would care about you, he would tell you he loves you.   This guy just wants FWB

[stillafool]

He's using you as a place holder until he finds the girl he wants a relationship with.  No guy who loves and wants a girl is going to tell her he doesn't want a relationship.  To answer your question, yes believe his words as he's being honest with you.

[Gebidozo]

He isn’t chasing you or leading you on. He says clearly he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He is honest about being in a “friends with benefits” situation. You are the one who keeps hoping, against all reason and despite his direct, repeated statement to the contrary, that you are in a relationship with him. You are not. A relationship takes both people to acknowledge it as such.

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, Miss Wright said:

Am I wasting my time

Without any shadow of a doubt - yes. And once more for the people in the back? Yes. 

Please don't keep doing this to yourself. This guy is not interested in you that way, and it's never going to be a relationship. 

[Gaeta]

21 hours ago, Miss Wright said:

Do I listen to his words or his actions

His words say he doesn't want you.

His actions also says he doesn't want you as a girlfriend, he just wants you once in a while for sex. He does not act like a boyfriend 'at all'. You are blinded by the fact he's giving some attention sometimes. It means nothing, he's giving you SOME attention SOMETIMES so you say yes to sex.