How can I (M38) verify the intentions of someone (F36) I met on a dating app who seems serious about marriage?

[Sanmeet]

Hi all,

I’m seeking advice on a relationship matter. I’m a 37-year-old man currently living in New York City and actively looking for a life partner. Recently, I matched with a woman(F36) from Eastern Europe on a dating app, and we hit it off quickly. Our connection feels strong, and the relationship has progressed faster than I expected. We’ve already discussed topics like living together, future plans, and even marriage.

While I’m excited, I can’t shake the feeling that things might be moving too quickly. I’ve heard stories of people being used for green cards or financial gain, and I want to ensure this person is genuine. She seems like an amazing individual, but I’m trying to be cautious and not let my emotions cloud my judgment.

Here’s what I’ve done so far to verify her authenticity:

Found her LinkedIn profile with 500+ connections, indicating she has a professional presence.

Found her Facebook profile with real pictures and posts from her past, showing continuity and normal activity.

Had a video call with her to confirm her identity, and the face matches the photos.

Some additional context:

She mentioned that she’s wants to relocate to the USA for our relationship, but it’s not a condition.

She has shared some personal stories about her work, family, and past relationships, which seem believable, but I still want to tread carefully.

I haven’t met her in person yet, and I’m considering a trip to her country soon to meet her and her family before making any major decisions.

What more can I do to verify her intentions and ensure she’s genuinely interested in building a life together? Are there specific questions I should ask, behaviors I should observe, or steps I should take during this process?

I’m not looking for advice to either go ahead or stay away—I’d like actionable suggestions on how to get more information about this person to make an informed decision.

Thanks in advance for your help!

[basil67]

She could well be looking for a good husband AND a green card.  The two aren't mutually exclusive 

I'm not sure there are any actionable suggestions...this is really no different to any other relationship where time reveals all.  

While that time is passing, don't make any rash decisions.  Don't make long term plans.   Do not send money.  If she comes for a holiday, make sure it's at her expense.  If she's got strong family ties, don't be sending money to her family.   

 

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Sanmeet said:

I’d like actionable suggestions on how to get more information about this person to make an informed decision.

I am not sure there is much more you can apart from spending time together in person.  It is very difficult to get to know someone digitally, so you will need to schedule some visits and see. For all you know, she might be a perfectly lovely woman with honest intentions, but there is not telling if you'd even hit it off in person. 

 

[Els]

There's realistically nothing much that you can "verify" without meeting her and visiting her in the place that she lives.

And honestly, I'm not sure what the point of all that verification is, when you've never met. Sure, you should do some basic checks to make sure that she's not a man or a scammer and you won't be wasting money visiting her. But that's literally the only thing you can verify. Everything else - whether you two will be attracted to each other in person, whether there's chemistry, whether you're compatible, whether you like the way each of you behaves IRL... That's something that only meeting her can tell you.

And with all due respect, searching for a woman from Eastern Europe to marry and then being worried about being "used" for a green card is rather contradictory. Yes of course she wants a green card, she wouldn't be looking so far abroad for a partner if she didn't. And you, on the other hand, obviously want a foreign bride, otherwise you wouldn't be looking for someone so far away either. It's one thing if you two met organically when one of you was traveling, but in this case you both specifically LOOKED for a match living far away.

So yes, she wants a green card I'm sure, but no you aren't being "used". It's just a fair trade, willing buyer willing seller. If you don't want people who want green cards, you should date locally.

Edited January 6 by Els

[Foxhall]

Her career and financial progression is probably her main motivation but if you turn out "good enough" maybe she will stick with you and it might work out,

You can most likely start a relationship with her and see where it goes,

Is there any point in worrying about things like she may leave you once she is established- 

you might find a safer option but I think your heart is telling you to take a risk on her.

 

[BaileyB]

I would assume that anyone who is talking about marriage before we even meet is not genuine or dealing in reality.