What do I do next? I'm so un-sure....

[Hunny D]

I’d like to apologize in advance because my story is somewhat long and covers the span of 4 months.

 

There’s a guy I like I’ll call him “LM” and I’m not sure how to make moves in this complicated game of chess I’m playing.

 

There’s an internet forum that I frequent where it’s common knowledge if you’re single or not. We’re also able to leave cute comments and pseudo flirt with other members (it’s somewhat of a new age dating site). For the longest time his profile read “in a relationship,” then out of the blue it said he was single. Following that I received one of those cute comments saying something along the lines of “I think you’re cute.” Now this guy is one of the most sought after guys in the circles I run in. He has a reputation for being a sweet nice and caring guy. But he was also known for his great relationship of 5 years with another popular girl.

 

Anyhow I send him a message with my phone number and he surprisingly calls me to talk. Our first conversation wasn’t my best since I was mostly in awe that he called, but I hadn’t quite struck out yet. He called me again at the beginning of October and this time since I had not been anticipating his call I was a bit more natural and definetly myself. I thought I had been pretty witty and fun, but he didn’t call again after that. So I gave in for a while and just told myself I struck out. However on the advice of a friend I decided to call him once in November since she claimed sometimes guys like to be perused by girls. He never picked up the phone and never called me back even though I left a message. To me that was the official “he thinks I’m annoying and wants nothing to do with me.”

 

Time goes by and December roles around. I spent that entire month thinking about how I struck out because I hate to loose. So I write him an e-mail stating how I’d just like to be friends and if we ever ran into each other under our usual busy circumstances we wouldn’t be able to chat because of friendship commitments etc….. In this e-mail I openly state “I know you probably have a lot of girls trying to get in your pants, but I’d just like to be your friend.” In short he never replies to this e-mail which was sent in early Dec.

 

So I had completely stuck out %100 and decided to finally call it quits. Then things suddenly change. I had plans to go to Vegas for New Years (I live in Arizona and “LM” lives in CA so there’s the added disadvantage of distance.) but my plans were canceled at the last minute and I was left with a plane credit to where ever I wanted. A friend from the dating site calls me up and says “come to this party “LM” will be there.” I agree for no good reason and next thing you know I’m at a New Years party with him.

 

We talked and talked and talked, hit it off had more in common then both of us thought (really weird things too, for example likening our burgers plain and dry and living by cemeteries) He took my picture for his camera phone and even had me confirm that the number in his phone was mine. As the night ran on we didn’t loose interest in each other and even danced a little bit. When it was time for him to leave he gave me a very willing hug and told me that we have to see more of each other.

 

Now here’s my problem: While talking to him I started to realize that he’s very focused on himself right now, his job, acting aspirations etc…. It seems like not being in a relationship anymore has given him a freedom he’s yet to understand. I know that he’s been broken up for about a year and that his ex cheated on him. But I don’t know how often they talk or if she’s got a strangle hold on him still.

 

All I know is that I’m afraid to make any move because of his past actions towards me, and I don’t know how to deal with this type of man (we’re both 24 by the way). I will see him again the weekend of the 27th-29th but we’ll be in the type of situation where we’re surround by out of state friends and have all of our time set aside for them. I don’t know if I should try and call, he’s never on aim or any other message program, he seems to work 50-60 hours a week and I don’t want to make his life seem anymore stressful by bombarding him with calls and seeming obsessed.

 

Any advice? All I know is that I think about him day and night and don’t want him to forget me so easily. Or do you think he was just being nice to me and that I did just write myself off for "friendship only?"

[sparticuss]

Usual story.

One tries to build a relationship and the other tries to build a future.

 

Can you handle him bieng less than a big name. Can you handle a relationship with a regular guy. And can you convice him of that.?

[barfool]

To me it seems like this guy just wants you as a friend. If guys are really interested they will take time out of their busy day to get in touch. This has been my experience.

 

I think for now you should just change your mindset to "friend" and let him make the next call/move. If he does want more then you can be pleasantly surprised!

[daphne]

Hunny,

 

I don't think you're reading the obvious in the situation. He never responded to your call or email. You saw each other at a party later, but he's still not pursuing you. Your girlfriend was wrong. Guys may like being pursued by hot women for casual relationships, but they lose interest and this rarely works into a long term thing.

 

You need to put him out of your mind, as his interest level in you is extremely low and bugging him will only make you lose your self respect. Don't make excuses for him. Be strong. Know your worth and if he doesn't, there will always be someone that will.

[sparticuss]

What the hell is going on here.?

 

Heres all these people seeking relationships and every second poster on these boards is a hootn and a hollern "drop him" "forget him" "dump him".

 

You are gonna run out of guys before your 25th birthday m girl.

 

The Government Marriage guidance service Relationships Australia caused a recent stink by suggesting that mid aged and older women seek out lesbian relationships if they had problms with the man shortage.

 

Fact is there is no man shortage. Just an addiction to dumping them.

[barfool]

Heres all these people seeking relationships and every second poster on these boards is a hootn and a hollern "drop him" "forget him" "dump him".

 

Whoa. I don't think that's what we are saying. From what she wrote about the situation the guy was not making any effort to contact her even when she had called. This is a sign that he is not interested. There is no point in a girl pursuing a guy if he has no interest. This just detracts from her happiness. So we are not arbitrarily yelling "drop him."