mixed signals continue

[scotch]

Here is the new info and I will post background info below:

 

I did avoid for a while. At least gave myself space.

 

I saw him and he said "there you are"

 

I emailed him after 3 or so weeks because I needed some info/directions (and to make a point that I do not hate him just because he doesnt want a relationship) because my friend was meeting me for lunch and he said who is he, your "friend" ...asking me about who I was meeting- it is confusing to me!!

 

then it was my bday last week and i didnt tell him or many people at work but an email went out that said that it was my bday and he wrote= no sense in hiding your birthday and sent me a very nice bday wish---but I just get mixed signals.

 

I know that there is nothing to come of it but I also know that there is something there- it may be insincere (games) or it may be sincere (he likes me but something is stopping him) or it may be my imagination. What should I think and do???? HELP!! Just kidding but any input appreciated. See below for background.

 

Guy at work.

Mainly email correspondence. Originally initiated by me but he emailed me a lot too Went out to lunch 3-4 times After first lunch- he said maybe you will go to a movie with me sometime Never asked but always talked via email and when we saw eachother called once but i wasnt there and didnt leave message said he needs to hurry up and get married

 

never paid for lunch asked what i was doing fourth of july said he would call i called him from 411 he was rude i thought he apologized and said he didnt mean to be

 

asked me out to lunch as a joke once- or really it wasnt a real invite i was annoyed asked meout again and i said i was busy- which i really was asked details about my ex then said too hard to date people from work

 

went into marriage emailed me more i left it short and sweet answers- because if we are just friends we do not need to email each other all day every day said he thought i was nice and good looking and that god was laughing at him and teasing him by letting him know me now it is awkard- i was nice- i needed to save face kind of but it is awkward and i do not understand what he is feeling or thinkinh and have no right to ask i feel like it is either an excuse- to not date at work or he is interested but the work thing is holding him back but when we look at each other there is something there i think and he was affectionate- just in a nice way, not overly, but sweetly- we are at work and all

 

what to do? space? does it sound like he is playing games or not? good guy or bad guy.

 

there is more examples of his flirting but i will leave them out

[Tony T]

Happy Belated Birthday!!!

[Owl]

I'm a bit confused regarding your own feelings, never mind his. Are you interested in a relationship with this guy? You've repeatedly written that "there is something there," but I don't know if that's a reference to his feelings, your feelings, or both.

 

If you are interested in this guy, and just wish he'd ask you on a date clearly and unambiguously, then that's probably not going to happen without lots of prodding on your part. He would have already done so, otherwise. A lot of guys, myself included, are terrible about asking women out unless we feel there's a very good chance of success. The fact you two work together only serves to amplify that character trait. If I was in his shoes I'd be very wary of asking out a co-worker -- even if I had a gut-wrenching crush on said co-worker -- if I wasn't pretty certain my asking wouldn't cause offense or create some horribly awkward situation all on its own. Perhaps that's what's going on here -- he likes you, but doesn't have anything he'd interpret as a green light. If you're not shy, just ask him out. If you are, maybe you should consider turning on more green lights, as he may need a very clear signal before he acts.

 

Many women are a bit too shy to ask out a guy in whom they are interested, so they open up windows of opportunity that (they hope) will show said guy they're interested and get him to ask them out. You know what I'm talking about; saying things like "I really want to see such-and-such a movie on Saturday, but I have no one to go with," hoping the guy will pipe in with "well shucks, I could take you!" Basically it's asking someone out without doing the asking. If you reverse the gender roles and apply them to this situation it might help explain what's going through that head of his. I doubt he's expecting you to ask him out, but he may well be hoping he'll get a clear green light. For example, when he said it was "too hard to date people from work" he may have been hoping you'd say you had no problem with it provided the right man asked you, or something similar. It's important to note he avoided saying he WOULDN'T date people from work -- he only said it was hard. Perhaps he wanted you to say something that would make it easier? That's one theory.

 

Now, if you don't want a relationship with this guy it's perfectly okay to say so. In one of your posts you wrote "I do not understand what he is feeling or thinking and have no right to ask." Well listen -- you DO have every right to ask because this situation involves you as much as it does him. What's more, it's obviously causing you some grief or you wouldn't keep asking for help. If you don't want to date him, then SAY SO. Say something like "Part of me suspects you have feelings for me, though I don't wish to make any assumptions. Still, I also don't wish to lead you on or use you in any way. However unlikely the possibility, I want you to know that I'm not looking for a relationship. My apologies if I've misinterpreted the situation -- I just felt I needed to address the possibility." Be kind and polite but FIRM at the same time. Only the jerks take rejection personally as long as you're nice about it.

 

If he's still weird and ambiguous after you've tried one of the above (which one to use depends on your own feelings, obviously) then I can't explain what the heck he's doing. He might just be crazy.

 

Hope that helps!

Here is the new info and I will post background info below: I did avoid for a while. At least gave myself space. I saw him and he said "there you are"

 

I emailed him after 3 or so weeks because I needed some info/directions (and to make a point that I do not hate him just because he doesnt want a relationship) because my friend was meeting me for lunch and he said who is he, your "friend" ...asking me about who I was meeting- it is confusing to me!! then it was my bday last week and i didnt tell him or many people at work but an email went out that said that it was my bday and he wrote= no sense in hiding your birthday and sent me a very nice bday wish---but I just get mixed signals.

 

I know that there is nothing to come of it but I also know that there is something there- it may be insincere (games) or it may be sincere (he likes me but something is stopping him) or it may be my imagination. What should I think and do???? HELP!! Just kidding but any input appreciated. See below for background.

[Marzipan]

As long as you know he doesn't want it to go anywhere, I see no reason why you can't get together and just have a good time, as friends. Maybe if you do this, then you two can get to know eachother better and he may wind up changing his mind after a while. On the other hand, if he doesn't change his mind then you've gained a new friend right? Don't push but if you want to hang out ask him to a movie or something and see what happens. Don't attempt affection but just try to have a good time with the guy, as a friend.

 

I think that's the best way to get to know someone anyway.

 

Marz

Here is the new info and I will post background info below: I did avoid for a while. At least gave myself space. I saw him and he said "there you are"

 

I emailed him after 3 or so weeks because I needed some info/directions (and to make a point that I do not hate him just because he doesnt want a relationship) because my friend was meeting me for lunch and he said who is he, your "friend" ...asking me about who I was meeting- it is confusing to me!! then it was my bday last week and i didnt tell him or many people at work but an email went out that said that it was my bday and he wrote= no sense in hiding your birthday and sent me a very nice bday wish---but I just get mixed signals.

 

I know that there is nothing to come of it but I also know that there is something there- it may be insincere (games) or it may be sincere (he likes me but something is stopping him) or it may be my imagination. What should I think and do???? HELP!! Just kidding but any input appreciated. See below for background. Guy at work.