What do you do in situations where the other person isn't listening to you?

[max3732]

There were 2 situations recently where I was talking to people and they were sort of half listening and their response showed me they didn't understand what I was talking about.

One was with a friend driving in the car and I mentioned a situation I was dealing with and he just kind of gave a generic reply that was completely off from anything I had just said.

Another was on a date and the woman asked me how the scoring worked in tennis and I start to explain it and I see her move and turn away from me and just kind of stare into the distance. It wasn't like I was rambling for 30 minutes about every situation. It was literally about 10 seconds after I started talking. 

In that 2nd situation I said something like "it's not that complicated, but are you more interested in talking about something else?" and she said "I'm just enjoying the sun".

I wasn't going to keep talking as she's standing in the sun looking off into the distance so I just stopped. Was that the right thing to do? It just felt uncomfortable

With my friend I just dropped it and moved on to something else.

In general though, I've seen a lot of times on TV shows/movies where someone is unpopular or supposed to be socially inept and he'll talk to people and ask a question or say something and the other people just ignore him or roll their eyes. If you're the person talking in that situation and you're clearly being ignored or the other person isn't paying attention what's the best thing to do?

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, max3732 said:

If you're the person talking in that situation and you're clearly being ignored or the other person isn't paying attention what's the best thing to do?

You need look for patterns and context so that you can figure out what's going on. 

Ask yourself:  Do you share problems often and people are bored with it?  Do you over explain?  Are these people acquaintances rather than friends?  Does that person have a short attention span?  Are they tired?  Are they self centred?  

Thing is, if the two of you are vibing well, this shouldn't be happening

[Foxhall]

9 hours ago, max3732 said:

 

the  dating scenario- sometimes too much talking can be tiring,

she was taking time to enjoy the moment and perhaps was happy to be in your company- you didnt need her to be paying attention to every word you said.

take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.

[basil67]

29 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

the  dating scenario- sometimes too much talking can be tiring,

she was taking time to enjoy the moment and perhaps was happy to be in your company- you didnt need her to be paying attention to every word you said.

take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.

When the two of you can sit comfortably in mutual silence, you know you have a good connection

[max3732]

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

You need look for patterns and context so that you can figure out what's going on. 

Ask yourself:  Do you share problems often and people are bored with it?  Do you over explain?  Are these people acquaintances rather than friends?  Does that person have a short attention span?  Are they tired?  Are they self centred?  

Thing is, if the two of you are vibing well, this shouldn't be happening

With the friend situation he was driving and looking for a gas station, but I didn't know it at the time. I just felt awkward that I was talking and got nothing from him.

8 hours ago, Foxhall said:

the  dating scenario- sometimes too much talking can be tiring,

she was taking time to enjoy the moment and perhaps was happy to be in your company- you didnt need her to be paying attention to every word you said.

take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.

So if I'm on a date in the future and she looks away and kind of zones out I should just stop talking and sit in silence? 

Not sure why, but I remember an older relative came to visit once when I was little and she asked another relative something (like how did you like the salad) and the other relative listened and then just turned and started talking about something completely different to someone else. The elderly relative said "you're just pretending I'm not here" and everyone just ignored her. This was decades ago, but it stuck with me.

If someone does that to you is it best to just sit there and not say anything else? I obviously don't know what happened before that, but I found it so rude it's stuck with me for decades.

Another example I was in a play in high school and the stagehand said something like "high 5 for good luck" and the performer looked at him and just turned and walked away.

If someone does that to me I feel so awkward and don't know what to do. It doesn't happen often, but the few times it does I like to know how to handle it 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

With the friend situation he was driving and looking for a gas station, but I didn't know it at the time. I just felt awkward that I was talking and got nothing from him.

Kindly, this stuff can happen to anyone and it's nobody's fault and nobody is a fool.  It's not worth a second thought

[max3732]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Kindly, this stuff can happen to anyone and it's nobody's fault and nobody is a fool.  It's not worth a second thought

That's not the only time he or other people have done that. It was just the most recent. If that was the only time that's happened I wouldn't have said anything. It just got me thinking about times I've seen it with other people in person or on TV and how someone should handle it.

One thing a single female friend told me was she likes it when guys call her out when she's being disrespectful since it shows they're in command or something like that. 

[basil67]

16 minutes ago, max3732 said:

That's not the only time he or other people have done that. It was just the most recent. If that was the only time that's happened I wouldn't have said anything. It just got me thinking about times I've seen it with other people in person or on TV and how someone should handle it.

You handle it by letting it go.  

16 minutes ago, max3732 said:

One thing a single female friend told me was she likes it when guys call her out when she's being disrespectful since it shows they're in command or something like that. 

First of all, this single friend can't speak for anyone but herself - I want a guy who's an equal, not one thinks he's got a god given right to be in command.   Second, I would not be friends with the kind of person was so uptight that they'd call me "disrespectful" because I lost concentration due to the enjoying the sun or the view.