NuevoYorko Posted January 9 Posted January 9 6 minutes ago, tazz4 said: So that means every woman I'm into is honestly out of my league? Oh, come on. I remember you from your dozens of identical threads under assorted usernames. You have not met "every woman" you might potentially be into. You know this, so stop being silly. If you're interested in dating women who look like goddesses, you will probably be disappointed since they can go out with men who look like gods, and why not. "Leagues" means people that are similar in their attractiveness. Of course you know this as well. 1
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 5 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Oh, come on. I remember you from your dozens of identical threads under assorted usernames. You have not met "every woman" you might potentially be into. You know this, so stop being silly. If you're interested in dating women who look like goddesses, you will probably be disappointed since they can go out with men who look like gods, and why not. "Leagues" means people that are similar in their attractiveness. Of course you know this as well. I guess some look like goddesses and some are "just cute" idk I hate having to figure out who is and who isn't in my league. I feel like I can tell by what someone looks like how much of a chance I have with them.
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 2 hours ago, tazz4 said: only one slim girl in my life wanted to but I saw a lot of sagging body parts in many areas and I just couldn't get it up. I apologize if I sound like an a**h***. I really do. I just can't help who I am and am not attracted to. You don’t sound like an a**h***, you sound like someone who might need a sexologist’s help. It’s not normal that a physically healthy 33 year old man can’t get it up because the woman has sagging parts. It’s not about preferences anymore, it sounds like some sort of a phobia. 1
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, tazz4 said: I see the kinds of guys that women(who I find attractive) are with. They usually have a gym body with a full hairline. or are taller than me. Then why are you even attracted to those women? You aren’t their type. They shouldn’t be yours. How does attraction even happen on your side in the first place? I’ve always been very puzzled by this phenomenon. I find it inexplicable that some guys can be attracted to women whose preference in men are so different. Yes, I know that some younger women choose their partners based on shallow criteria such as a “gym body”. Why on Earth would I find those women attractive? Even if I did have a “gym body”, I’d be wary of women who choose me based on that one superficial trait.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: You don’t sound like an a**h***, you sound like someone who might need a sexologist’s help. It’s not normal that a physically healthy 33 year old man can’t get it up because the woman has sagging parts. It’s not about preferences anymore, it sounds like some sort of a phobia. I was also on ssri antidepressants during those hookups too. that might also be it. there's a chance that even with a physically attractive woman that it wouldn't work. I could get myself off to porn but it took longer to get there.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Then why are you even attracted to those women? You aren’t their type. They shouldn’t be yours. How does attraction even happen on your side in the first place? I’ve always been very puzzled by this phenomenon. I find it inexplicable that some guys can be attracted to women whose preference in men are so different. Yes, I know that some younger women choose their partners based on shallow criteria such as a “gym body”. Why on Earth would I find those women attractive? Even if I did have a “gym body”, I’d be wary of women who choose me based on that one superficial trait. I don't think there's anything to be puzzled by. Why would someone not be physically attractive to someone just because they're out of their league? I don't expect my girlfriend to have a body of a pornstar but that's still going to turn a lot of guys on regardless of what "league" they're physically/theoretically in. although you could also be turned off by a bad personality. A woman who's hot but is a (maybe not the best term) a b**** will naturally make her less appealing of course. Who those women like doesn't change what they look like. But I apologize if I misunderstood your perspective. Not trying to get defensive just trying to understand. A lot of guys regardless of what they look like are gonna like women who are more "conventionally" attractive. Unless you want to go by the "matching" hypotheses like I try to do. I look for someone who I might find "cute enough." I can't use number ratings anymore since people hate it. Edited January 9 by tazz4
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 12 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Then why are you even attracted to those women? You aren’t their type. They shouldn’t be yours. How does attraction even happen on your side in the first place? I’ve always been very puzzled by this phenomenon. I find it inexplicable that some guys can be attracted to women whose preference in men are so different. Yes, I know that some younger women choose their partners based on shallow criteria such as a “gym body”. Why on Earth would I find those women attractive? Even if I did have a “gym body”, I’d be wary of women who choose me based on that one superficial trait. actually maybe I did understand you now that I read this again. I assume your point was that I should be turned off by a superficial personality is that all you meant?
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 30 minutes ago, tazz4 said: I guess some look like goddesses and some are "just cute" idk I hate having to figure out who is and who isn't in my league. I feel like I can tell by what someone looks like how much of a chance I have with them. You don’t figure out who is in whose league. You meet a woman and then, if there is initial chemistry between you two, if some sort of a basic mutual attraction happens, you both try to develop it further. You shouldn’t be dating anyone without mutual attraction. And that doesn’t happen because someone is just the right body shape or just the right size. There are myriads of personal preferences and criteria and still attraction may happen totally unexpectedly between two people. 1
NuevoYorko Posted January 9 Posted January 9 Do you notice when you're out and about that there are hundreds of people paired up happily where neither one of them look like a movie star or a person on Instagram with a load of filters on all their photos? Maybe even people you know or who are in your family. Just normal looking people who happened to find each other attractive. Is that unacceptable for you? Do you require women who look like they belong in a magazine? 2
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 15 minutes ago, tazz4 said: I was also on ssri antidepressants during those hookups too. that might also be it. there's a chance that even with a physically attractive woman that it wouldn't work. I could get myself off to porn but it took longer to get there. Dude, you definitely need to deal with these issues first, before you begin to attempt to date women. You can’t expect some “goddess” to magically solve your problems. I don’t quite understand why you’re even complaining about some corpulent ladies hitting on you if you’re having such troubles.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 21 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: You don’t figure out who is in whose league. You meet a woman and then, if there is initial chemistry between you two, if some sort of a basic mutual attraction happens, you both try to develop it further. You shouldn’t be dating anyone without mutual attraction. And that doesn’t happen because someone is just the right body shape or just the right size. There are myriads of personal preferences and criteria and still attraction may happen totally unexpectedly between two people. I get you. I'm bad at approaching irl rejection never gets easier. I may have a date coming up now with someone who I think is cute who actually reached out to me first and I'm freaking out because I don't know if i have proper winter clothing in place
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 (edited) I'm obviously not implying we should look like slobs, or have raggedy bad-fitting clothing but I'm wondering how many rules there actually are? I may have a date coming up and I'm freaking out because the weather is in the 30s here and all I have is a black fur hooded bomber jacket. The only warm layers i have are a thin black feathered(sorta like a puffer jacket maybe?) and a few goodies and like one grey sweater. I never know what looks good on me and what doesn't. it's like I have fashion dysmorphia or something. I don't know what's subjectively good looking vs objectively good looking. What do I do? Edited January 9 by tazz4 typo
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, tazz4 said: Why would someone not be physically attractive to someone just because they're out of their league? Why would they? How do you even begin to sense attraction for a woman whose type you are not? That never happened to me. I can acknowledge the conventional attractiveness of a woman without being becoming personally attracted to her or wanting to date her. 1 hour ago, tazz4 said: I don't expect my girlfriend to have a body of a pornstar but that's still going to turn a lot of guys on regardless of what "league" they're physically/theoretically in. Turn on in what sense? Sure, back in the days when I was young and occasionally single, I wouldn’t say “no” to a night with a girl who has the “body of a pornstar” (which, by the way, contains every type of body imaginable, including chubby). But even for casual sex, even for one night stands, body type means so little compared to personality. I had several such encounters where I was totally turned off because of something the woman said, or the way she treated me. Definitely not due to any body shape issues. And we’re talking about dating, not about casual sex, so more reasons to elevate your criteria.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Why would they? How do you even begin to sense attraction for a woman whose type you are not? That never happened to me. I can acknowledge the conventional attractiveness of a woman without being becoming personally attracted to her or wanting to date her. Turn on in what sense? Sure, back in the days when I was young and occasionally single, I wouldn’t say “no” to a night with a girl who has the “body of a pornstar” (which, by the way, contains every type of body imaginable, including chubby). But even for casual sex, even for one night stands, body type means so little compared to personality. I had several such encounters where I was totally turned off because of something the woman said, or the way she treated me. Definitely not due to any body shape issues. And we’re talking about dating, not about casual sex, so more reasons to elevate your criteria. I'm not really looking for a one night stand. I fall in love with the first girl who kisses me or texts me so idk how well that would work out for me...
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, tazz4 said: actually maybe I did understand you now that I read this again. I assume your point was that I should be turned off by a superficial personality is that all you meant? Not just that. My point is that you should choose whom to date based on personal chemistry and mutual attraction, not on some pre-conceived notions about how your future girlfriend should look like. Your descriptions of dating sound as though it were a purchase. Like you’d go to a car shop and see that you can’t afford a Ferrari and have to settle for a Volkswagen instead. Dating isn’t like that at all. It’s about getting to know each other, liking each other, fitting each other. It’s something done by two people at once.
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 10 minutes ago, tazz4 said: I fall in love with the first girl who kisses me or texts me That would be pretty creepy and even deranged if it were true. I’m sure it’s all just in your head, though. You seem to use terms like “attraction” and even “love” in a strangely superficial and artificial way.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: That would be pretty creepy and even deranged if it were true. I’m sure it’s all just in your head, though. You seem to use terms like “attraction” and even “love” in a strangely superficial and artificial way. why is it creepy? my therapist says "lust" is more appropriate. I'm half kidding about the texting thing but when a woman who I find attractive kisses me I feel some sort of way. why is that my fault?
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 Just now, Gaeta said: Depends what the date is? maybe like...coffee or something?
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 11 minutes ago, tazz4 said: why is it creepy? my therapist says "lust" is more appropriate. I'm half kidding about the texting thing but when a woman who I find attractive kisses me I feel some sort of way. why is that my fault? Then please warn us in advance when you’re “half kidding” and when you’re serious. You wrote that you fall in love with the first girl who kisses or texts you. I reacted to what you wrote by saying that if that were true, that would be creepy. Obviously, there is nothing creepy or unusual about feeling physical attraction.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 16 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Then please warn us in advance when you’re “half kidding” and when you’re serious. You wrote that you fall in love with the first girl who kisses or texts you. I reacted to what you wrote by saying that if that were true, that would be creepy. Obviously, there is nothing creepy or unusual about feeling physical attraction. then why is it creepy if I feel emotional attraction from a kiss? maybe its just another ordinary day for guys who get it on the regular but for me it feels special. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's just being human. imo at least
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 19 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Then please warn us in advance when you’re “half kidding” and when you’re serious. You wrote that you fall in love with the first girl who kisses or texts you. I reacted to what you wrote by saying that if that were true, that would be creepy. Obviously, there is nothing creepy or unusual about feeling physical attraction. idk if "fall in love" is the right phrase. maybe its "fall in lust" like my therapist said. anyway I feel on top or the world with a s*** load of butterflies in my stomach. that's just natural though. I don't think it's wrong
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 (edited) 10 minutes ago, tazz4 said: then why is it creepy if I feel emotional attraction from a kiss? maybe its just another ordinary day for guys who get it on the regular but for me it feels special. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's just being human. imo at least It’s not creepy to feel emotional attraction from a kiss. It’s slightly creepy that you get so defensive over this and generally have this fussy, hyper-worried attitude about these things. You’re freaking out about what to wear, for example. Complaining about model-like women not liking you. Having trouble to perform due to some “sagging parts”. And so on. Normally, I’d just tell you to relax, to chill, but there might be deeper issues at work here. I think you should actively discuss this with your therapist and listen to their advice. Edited January 9 by Gebidozo
basil67 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 3 hours ago, tazz4 said: So that means every woman I'm into is honestly out of my league? If no none of them is interested in you at face value, then yes, they are out of your league. Why don't you tell us more about yourself - we may be able to pick why you're not in their league. Perhaps it's something you can fix. How old are you? What kind of job do you have? What are your friends like? What do you enjoy doing socially? What are your interests? What's your living situation? What do you look like? Do you dress well?
basil67 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 If it's a coffee meet, wouldn't you take your jacket off at as you enter? If so, it's the under layers which matter more
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