00doom_atyourservice Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 I'm am adult, 26f, so It's not as often crushes occur. I also think I'm ace or demisexual, as I don't find anyone attractive unless I have a very very strong connection. As a result, I've never dated. I just don't feel the need. Through high school and into adulthood, I've always had a lot of people crush on me and hit on me. Every single male friend, even most female friends would come out to me as bi or lesbian in which they had a crush on me, even if it was only short lived. This isn't because I'm super attractive, i think mostly because I was an alternative looking, manic pixie, unobtainable looking girl I guess that seemed to be more of a fantasy rather than real pursuit. I've never really dated by choice. I don't like that people fall so quickly and don't allow a friendship and emotional connection to brew. And they don't want to wait for me. I've always been upfront about my lack of attraction or the potential growth of it with the right person. This feeling of being hit on has been a slight burden, as i feel like I can never have any true friendships and on the other hand in relationships, people never seem to want to connect with me on a deeper level to where that attraction will grow, only this fantasy image they have is what they like and doesn't last. Many people have also been extremely emotionally immature if I let them know I am not deeply in love with them at first sight and need time--resulting in threats to me, threats of self harm, and more. Fast forward to now, there is a coworker who is super friendly to me and I am unsure if he is another person crushing on me like the others. I'm kind of wary of everyone now as a resort of the past. He may not even have a crush at all, but I would love to give some scenarios and have helpful insight if true. Because I seem to actually have a slight bit of interest in the potentiality of him and I if the chance arose. First off, he is very outgoing, has a lot of friends and talks to everyone, so I didn't think anything of it at first. We started working more often and getting scheduled together, so we naturally became a bit closer. We went out to eat, him, I and another coworker a few times, different coworker/friend, but always him and I every time. He seems to check in with me first and make me aware of the plans or if I have a day off, before the other person is coming or even invited. He often talks to me while I'm working and will slack off or even abandon his post and have to be called over because he gets caught up in the conversation. Again, he's friendly so I thought that he just likes to talk. But apparently he does not talk to my other coworkers on that level. It's never flirty though. It's usually about random things that happened at work, movies, music, personal stuff, etc. But I don't think either of us are the flirty type anyway. He started texting me more often out of work. We text almost every day for hours about random things. On his days off, on my days off, late at night. He texts everyone a lot but as far as I've seen, not to any of the other coworkers that much at all. Only me. We've started talking about more personal things like ex's, dating habits, world views. The talks get very heated and passionate because we agree 100% on most things, which are often not a typical beliefs to those around us. Our coworkers make jokes about him being "my boyfriend." Idc about rumors and jokes, only if the other person feels uncomfortable, so I tried to get them to stop for his sake. But It boiled over though to them finally teasing him about me being "his girlfriend." He was super surprised. he said he did try to avoid rumors by making those dinners with a 3rd person, he does shun workplace relationships, but he didn't get awkward and everything seems fine. It's refreshing that someone isn't trying to make moves on me but I also am having trouble discerning if there is only a platonic route or if there is a romantic route potential as well. All in all, I have trouble making friends and have been hit on too many times to not be wary. In this one case, I would not mind the crush, but do not think it is there. What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 18 hours ago, 00doom_atyourservice said: I have trouble making friends He may have noticed this and has extended the hand of friendship with the intention of making you feel more relaxed within a work context and within the work group, I suspect you both have then started catching feelings for each other, Perhaps be prepared to give him a chance- let him in and see where things go. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts