JuicyFruit-90 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 Hi, I met a 69 yr old man, I’m 60 yr old woman, in a café, on a Friday afternoon, we are both single. He came over to me in the cafe and we started talking, joking around, laughing and getting a long pretty well. We talked for a few hours in the cafe, then we exchanged numbers. Since then we’ve been dating regularly, 2 to 3 times per week for the last 5 weeks, and texting most evenings for 50mins or so. Everything seemed to be going well. He invited me to his home on 3 separate occasions, where we talked, listened to music and made out (the first time we made out was after 3 weeks dating) but no secs. Everything was fine, it was nice - we both were still a little shy, and out of practice and we agreed we take it slow. I then invited him to lunch at my place yesterday (5th week of dating) again everything was going well, and we made out a little, but I was noticing that he never got a harde one whenever we made out, so I asked him why, and was something wrong. It took a lot of persuasion but he finally told me that he’s in love with me and finds me attractive, up to a point (otherwise he wouldn’t kiss me and make out with me - his words) but he is not attracted to me 100% because I am overweight. I was very surprised and hurt by this, especially since I had asked him some weeks prior about his thoughts on big/buxom women, and he had told me it’s more about the personality. What do I do now?! He said we can carry on as we are, and we see how things go, because usually ‘time’ has a way of fixing things. Then a week later he told me he just wants us to be friends. So now we are trying to be friends. He calls every day and we talk for about a hour. I was catching feelings for him, and can’t find it in me to let go, and break away. I feel so hurt and confused. Any advice? Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuicyFruit-90 Posted January 10 Author Share Posted January 10 Me again; Do guy’s ever change their minds (later down the line), once they initially decide they are not attracted to someone? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 18 minutes ago, JuicyFruit-90 said: Me again; Do guy’s ever change their minds (later down the line), once they initially decide they are not attracted to someone? I have never heard of such a case. The opposite is very common, when we first think that we’re attracted to someone, only to discover that the attraction turned out to be superficial and faded out with time. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuicyFruit-90 Posted January 10 Author Share Posted January 10 Hi Gebidozo, Thanks for your message. Hmmm didn’t think so. Well, that’s it then. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 He has now told you that he's not attracted to you and doesn't want to date you, only wants to be friends. It's very clear; don't cling to false hopes that he will change his mind. Just let this end. It doesn't sound like it would be a good idea for you to remain "friends" with him as he has offered. You are not just friends. You have wanted more than that and now you can't go back to just being friends. You should go your separate ways from this guy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 If you are interested in having a sex life this guy isn't it. If you just want a chatting companion stick around. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 No, don't stay friends with him. It will be too hurtful for you because he will eventually meet and date someone else. And anyway, who is really "in love" with someone they have known all of 5 weeks? I side-eye anyone who makes declarations like that when they barely know the person. I think he was trying to soften the blow because he knew that he was about to drop a bomb on you, but still, he should know better at his age than to toss around the L-word carelessly. Time isn't going to fix this. It's just going to make it more awkward and you won't be able to ever really trust that he finds you attractive. It's best to leave him in your past. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 (edited) I feel like what he has said is a cop-out. He’s been seeing you for 5 weeks so he knows what size you are and he knew that when he got into it all. It’s also insensitive.. how childish. you are lucky though that it’s very early in… he’s said he doesn’t want a relationship he wants to be friends.. so just leave him to it. you will find someone who behaves like a MAN next time… someone who wouldn’t talk to you like that. Edited January 14 by Georgia46 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 I'm sorry, this must be hurtful for you. No. He's unlikely to change his mind. Attraction is what it is. Friendship does not seem to be in the cards either, unless you stop seeing him as a potential romantic partner in any way. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuicyFruit-90 Posted January 24 Author Share Posted January 24 Thanks for your comments everyone. We’ve met up a 3 more times (as friends) since I posted this, and he still tries to hold my hand when we’re walking along, but I’m not having it. Sometimes when he looks at me it feels to me like he really cares. But, ultimately I think you guy’s are right. It’s not going to change for him and I need to move on. Have a great day. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 5 minutes ago, JuicyFruit-90 said: It’s not going to change for him and I need to move on. Yes, please stop meeting up with him. It will only prevent you from meeting a man who is really interested. This one is just coasting along but won't become more. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 18 hours ago, JuicyFruit-90 said: We’ve met up a 3 more times (as friends) since I posted this, and he still tries to hold my hand when we’re walking along, but I’m not having it. Sometimes when he looks at me it feels to me like he really cares. But, ultimately I think you guy’s are right. JuicyFruit-90, someone who cared about you wouldn't be playing this friendship and hand-holding game after declaring that he just wasn't that into you. That's cruel of him. And doesn't it piss you off that he's feeling sorry for you as if you are a pitiable creature that just can't be fully loved by someone and has to settle for scraps from his table (I imagine that what you're calling a caring look is actually pity)? I suspect he enjoys the attention he gets from you and would like that to continue but doesn't want to have to worry about meeting your needs. He basically wants a one-sided relationship. His methods are not very different from those of a man who asks a woman out, dates her as if he is fully invested, and then, when she's started developing deep feelings for him, tells her he doesn't really want a committed relationship and wants to be able to sleep with other people. If you stay put in the name of friendship, I promise you your self-esteem will suffer. Tell him thank you but no thank you. Wish him well, and shut the door completely. When you're feeling better again, resume dating and trying to meet someone with whom you are compatible. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuicyFruit-90 Posted February 1 Author Share Posted February 1 On 1/25/2025 at 5:54 AM, Acacia98 said: If you stay put in the name of friendship, I promise you your self-esteem will suffer. Tell him thank you but no thank you. Wish him well, and shut the door completely. When you're feeling better again, resume dating and trying to meet someone with whom you are compatible. Hello Acacia98, thanks for your message, and yes, you’re right Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 Advice from a man who has been there. You are missing the real issue here. You wrote that he did not get hard when you are making out, and you had audacity to ask him what's wrong. That is very nervy and maybe humiliated him, What do you expect from a 69 year old man? Most men will never get hard like that,unless on Viagra at the time...you don't understand elderly male sexuality, Like so many women who expect too much , after watching sexy movies,so unrealistic. Men close to this agewho say they can do this easily are lying or tiny exceptions. We need more stimulation than you provide, such as nudity and sex itself. I have struggled with it. He realized he cannot easily perform,probably, so opted out. But please be sensitive and don't mention it. You have embarrassed him, and if I was him, I would not call. I think you can stay friends if you realize he probably won't be romantic, How much overweight are you? That's a turnoff for many men of all ages. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 No, he lied about looking for the personality. the weight is a roadblock and he will never get hard. dint think he will change. end it and find a guy who is a better match for you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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