If my ex said he almost kidnapped me and would do it again if given the chance. What are the chances he'll do it to me?

[Aizawa_togamhhh]

Multiple of my friends say he is abusive, but idon't know what to believe anymore

This is long

So me and this ex have been off and on for 3 years. He ended up breaking up with me the last time because he was upset that didn't tell him that the guy said he wouldrpe me. So we ended up breaking up the same day. Mind you, that happened in October last year, but I've still been seeing him around, and anytime 1 talk to a guy, he somehow finds out and approaches them(he doesn't know them)

I'ma call my friend "A" and ex "B" (each paragraph is a different day). So I talked to my friend, and he said that on Saturday, was on the group call (they were playing the game together) and apparently, B sayshe misses me??? (And A was like, "I just like ain't tell you.") A also said that B asked if they talk to me (and he also said that he got quiet cuz he knows how B is crazy)and that he keeps bringing us having a threesome. He said that he

sorry, he regrets how he treated me, a

how he left. He said that he tried to work 

out between us and that he regrets not

working things out between us. He al

said if he could go back, he would, but 

wouldn't change anything. And also that t

thing he regrets most is leaving this state

(A basically told him that he feels sorry for himself)

And about the threesome-some other guy said "me too," and B got mad and said no just me and him. (A also told me that B keeps talking about me, and his girlfriend always laughs it off, thinking he's talking about her.)B keeps asking A if he would do so-and-so with me, basically trying to find out if we would date, and had him ask me if I would date A. Apparently, B made a joke about kidnapping me (A swears he wasn't joking-he was dead serious). He said he almost did id

 

before and even described the whole plan

He also told A what town I live in a

mentioned an address. / never told him that.The whole plan was that, since at the time was doing filming for a team thag he was on, and since I would stay after school, he would ask if wanted to walk to the store with him. He said he would've brought a car, and on the way, he would kidnap me. He told A thatsince he can kinda drive, it would've worked out, and since I trusted him, it would'veworked.He also said he would definitely do it if given the chance again.Then A said that B's girlfriend mentioned that he's only coming back to see me. Aasked B if he actually liked me, and he said yes and also admitted that he was ********.B talks about me a lot, mostly good, but he once called me a lose

 

Iknow for a fact that he thought (or thinks)he had or still has ownership over me. Even when we weren't together, he would say slick stuff like "You belong to me" or "Your mine," or he would even straight-up say it.He would say it when we were together and when we weren't, and it still had the feeling that he owned me. He obviously thougt that and wanted me to "listen tohim" (basically obey him) and would put 

 

off as just wanting to protect me and keep

me safe. If I didn't listen to him, he would get mad, and there would consequences)

 

CON

• Made a fake account to call me a btch

and say 1 used him for sx

• Anytime 1 had any conversation wit

guy, he would stand there and watch an

accuse me of cheating

• Made me feel like I had to apologize 

going to sleep

• He stalked me

• Said he almost kidnapped me and st

would do it given the chance (he had 

plan and everything)

• Said it would work because I trus

him because I trust him.

• When we weren't talking, he had his

friend become closer to me, watch me,

and give him info about me. (1 thought

the guy was actually my friend; this went

on for weeks before I found out.)

 

 

• When we thought I was yk, he

didn't claim it until someone else tried

to.

•Broke up with me because a guy said he

would assault me.

• Grabbed me harshly when or if I tried to walk

off.

• When me, him, and my friend were

talking and me and him were comparing hand sizes, he

said he could knock me out if he wanted

to (as a joke)

• Thought of me as something to obtain

instead of a person and constantly said I

was "his" and that 1 belonged to him,

even when we weren't together.

 

 

Told people that we were talking or

together when we weren't.

 

 

• Sometimes choked me if I kept

disagreeing with him or if I wouldn't

listen, and he wanted me to shut up.

Sometimes it was gentle like his hand was just there, but sometimes

it was forceful and angry

• Would choke me until I was very close to

passing out, then stop.

 

• Always tried to tell me what to do and

said it was because I was "innocent and

too trusting," and that he needed to

protect me.

• Tried to know all my friends and make

sure they were all females; otherwise, he

would talk badly about them and make

me feel guilty. He claimed he was the

only male friend I needed and asked why

I wanted other guys' attention instead of

his. He would often whisper threats in

my ear until I eventually stopped talking

to the guy

• IfI had male friends, he would become

friends with them.

• One time when he got mad, he hit the

wall beside me.

• With one friend I had, anytime we talked

about him, she would bring up how

"quiet" and "submissive" I was around

him and mentioned that I flinched a lot.

• Told me he wanted me completely dependent on him he wanted me to come to him for any and everything(physically, emotionally/ mentally and financially

• Might've tried to baby trap me (a lot of

his friends swear to it)

• When I got out of wrestling practice and called him. Because at that time we would call and talk. And when I did he ended up starting an argument and kept saying that I was talking bad about him and spreading rumors. And I told him that I didn't do it(because I didnt) Then it made him even more pissed that he started yelling at me so I ended up yelling back and he cursed me out (BAD) and i cursed back but not at him just at him blaming me and that he wouldnt belive me even though ive never been able to bring myself to do or say anything bad about him which he knew

• When we talked afterward, I asked if he

still thought was talking badly about

him. He admitted he found out who did it

but refused to apologize, saying he was

tired of always apologizing to people.

• Told my friend that he regretted not

working things out between US, but he could go back he wouldnt change

• He would say/do things to “break me and fix me” (his friend words not mine) and I thought so but never *really* thought into it. He would sometimes say slightly mean things/ something he KNEW would make me overthink but was quick to say something to make me feel better (praise me basically) or when he would choke me to that almost passed out extent he would always kiss me or say something. Making sure I would respond (because my head would get dizzy, fuzzy and blank so he would wait until that passed)

•When I fell asleep without telling him, or

if he got upset at something I said or did,

he wouldn't talk to me until I apologized

• [ ] when people were around and asked me things I always looked at matthew for his response. Basically his permission. And depending on his reaction would be my answer to that person.(this is because if I didn't he would get upset and it sometimes eventually got physical. Becausewhy would i answerlike that?)

• He kissed a girl who looks exactly like

me, and after we broke up, he mostly

only talked to dark-skinned girls.

• Stalked me to the point where he

planned to kidnap me, knew what townl

lived in, and claimed to know my

address.

 

 

I just find it crazy that he would say he

almost kidnapped me and that he would do

it again if given the chance. Mind you, we

were 17 so I feel like it makes it even

worse for someone that age to have those

thoughts. What messes with me the most

is that he said it would work because

trusted him.

Oh and the noah guy who said he would rpe me. Was the one who ended up spreading rumors about my ex and said it was me. And my ex refused to tell me so I had to find out from a mutual friend. And noah also said to my ex that if he kept being nice to me I'd let him hit. Mind you noah knew we were together because he kept pressuring me to tell him if we were or not

Edited January 12 by Aizawa_togamhhh
Misspelled words

[NuevoYorko]

I'm sorry but this is way too long.  I have a question after the first sentence:

 

Quote

Multiple of my friends say he is abusive, but idon't know what to believe anymore

Well ... whether someone is abusing you or isn't doesn't depend upon what other people tell you and what you should believe.

It's dependent upon the actual experience that you have had, YOURSELF.

I did skim through the post and since you did say that he stalked you, then yes, that's abusive.

Overall it seems like you and this guy and other players in this situation are all in toxic relationships with each other.   

Can you just cut them out of your life, maybe get some counseling, and start building healthy, mutually respectful relationships with people?

I hope you will do that.

[introverted1]

This is unreadable. If you want responses, shorten it and use paragraphs/normal formatting.

That said, in general, when someone presents this much explanation about a relationship, it's a sign of serious disfunction among all the participants, including you. Remove yourself from the situation and consider getting help for whatever draws you to this type of scenario in the first place. Remember that the only person whose actions you control is yourself. 

[ShyViolet]

This post is very difficult to read, but basically he's abusive, and you say you've still been seeing him.  When someone is abusive and does messed up things to you time and time again, you stop seeing them.  That's just kinda common sense.  I'm not sure why you are still involved with this guy.