Can't figure out her interest level

[Guy101]

I met this lady on a dating app and we went out for the first time about 2 weeks after we started talking.  She works a lot of hours and has 2 younger teenagers.  This was around Christmas time, so it took a while to get the first date.  Her communication, via the dating app at that time, was very limited but I figured with her busy schedule and a lot of people not wanting to chat much before the first date, I was fine with that.  First date went well as far as back and forth communication and she gave me some dates that she would be available in the near future.  We ended up going on a 2nd date about 2 weeks after the 1st date.  Between the 1st and the 2nd date, we started communicating via text messages which makes it easier, but our texting only gradually increased, which Im still not complaining about, its more about how she text.  When she text, she never ask questions, she usually starts off saying how her morning is going and then says something like "hope your have a great day at work".  Nothing is never phrased as a question, just statements.  I am replicating her style of texting and response rate, but it is getting annoying.  I don't want to text all day, but I at least want to feel like there is some interest.  I know people say everyone has their own texting comfort level, but I still think interested people like to know and ask questions about the other persons day to some degree.  If you can send a text, at least make it interesting and not just make a statement. 

During the 1st date we didn't kiss or anything, I just walked her to her car and gave her a hug.  During the 2nd date, I held her hand in the movies, with me being the one that made that effort.  She did raise the armrest that was between us and lean up against me, which I liked.  I figured with her doing that, I would end up getting a kiss at the end of the night, but she went in for a hug and acted like she wasn't looking for a kiss.

Now we have set date # 3, about 2 weeks after the 2nd date.  Texting is still the same, she might text in the morning, make a statement, no questions and then text again 3 hours later after I reply to her text.  Then I may get one more text, with just a statement, and then nothing again until the next day.  I've started adding questions into my text messages, as i am not use to this style of texting that she is doing.  She will answer my questions but still not ask any questions. 

As for the upcoming 3rd date, She listed the days that she is off which isn't many, but one of the days is a Saturday (which I am off that day as well) but she pointed out she can not go out that day because she volunteered to go to some work function event, which I can understand, but if your limited on off time and the event is not something you are required to go to (Volunteered) and if you are really interested in who you are dating, wouldn't you use that day to spend getting to know a person better that you are dating but have a very little time to get to know?  I have a life as well but tend to bend over to make things happen.  The 3rd date is scheduled for her off day during the week, but will be in the evening after I have worked all day.  She claimed after setting the 3rd date that her schedule is not usually this busy, but it has been that way for over a month so far (as long as I have known her).

I guess the main question I am trying to get answered is if she is legitimately interested?  She does keep planning dates with me but it definitely revolves around her schedule.  I am assuming she isn't dating others, but she may be doing that as well.  It is far a few between that I hear from her in the evening time so she very well could be dating others.

  I like her but I have never been this unsure of someone.  Today she was off and the last I heard from her was around lunch time and nothing since.  I am debating on cutting my ties with her and just not responding or sending anymore text.  No one should have this many unknowns about who they are dating.  I have not dealt with someone like this and I have been on my fair share of dates throughout the years.

 

[Interstellar]

I would kiss her on her doorstep by the end of Date 3. Her kiss should tell you everything. If she gives you the cheek, she’s out. If you get the lips she gets another date. I would’ve kissed her on date 1 only if i’m not sure of her interest level and so i don’t continue wasting time and energy.

I suspect there’s an ex in the background or some dude she’s still pining for. Protect yourself and don’t raise your interest level and start liking her.

Edited January 16 by Interstellar

[Gebidozo]

My rule is this: if I can’t figure out a woman’s interest level, then her interest level is too low for me.

That said, I think it’s too early to tell in your case. Two dates is nothing. See if you can kiss her at the end of the third date. If she responds passionately, she must be interested enough to continue exploring this. If she is passive or avoids the kiss altogether, she is probably not interested. Either way, you’ll have your answer.

One thing I can’t understand is the expected frequency of online communication. You said you heard from her today around lunch time and nothing since. I find it strange to expect that much texting with someone you barely know. I wouldn’t even expect daily texting. 

[fred123]

10 hours ago, Interstellar said:

I would kiss her on her doorstep by the end of Date 3. Her kiss should tell you everything. If she gives you the cheek, she’s out. If you get the lips she gets another date. I would’ve kissed her on date 1 only if i’m not sure of her interest level and so i don’t continue wasting time and energy.

I suspect there’s an ex in the background or some dude she’s still pining for. Protect yourself and don’t raise your interest level and start liking her.

Dude she is probably dating another guy who she is interested in. Or has a fwb currently. She ain't into you sorry.

 

[ShyViolet]

If you even have to question what her interest level is, then it's low.  It definitely sounds like dating is not high on her priority list.  If you got into a relationship with her, it would probably be casual and you wouldn't be seeing her super often.  You would be low on her priority list after her kids, her job and her busy life.  So if you're not liking this, don't continue to see her.

[Interstellar]

8 hours ago, fred123 said:

Dude she is probably dating another guy who she is interested in. Or has a fwb currently. She ain't into you sorry.

 

Dating sucks for most normal men nowadays. Better off running a tight ship  and don’t fall in love until they get past 10 dates with no red flags.

Edited January 16 by Interstellar

[smackie9]

There is no way I would stick around for that. Only two dates in and you are unhappy, questioning things...when they are hard to read it's because they are not crazy about you, just enjoys a night out once in awhile. IMO you should always have your dance card full and don't get over invested when it's just breadcrumbs you are getting. 

[Gaeta]

She sounds so boring to me. 

Kiss or not, even if she was interested in you, do you really want to date someone so self absorbed that she can't ask ANY questions about you in 4 weeks?

 

[basil67]

Given that she doesn't even ask questions about you, why are you interested in a third date with her?  

[Guy101]

Im just going to move on, chasing someone like her just keeps you on a roller coaster from day to day.  In the last 2 days she has gone from one extreme to the other as far as communication goes.  Yesterday she text more than she probably has in the last 2 or 3 days combined, even mentioning she was looking forward to our upcoming date.  Today, hardly anything and what she did text was very generic and short. I even told her to give me a call when she was on her way to work, never heard a word from her. 

Im going to assume she probably has other guys she is talking to, maybe others she is more interested in and when they show her less attention maybe she turns to me to pick up the slack.  I guess the overall picture, if you have to question their interest level, that should tell you all you need to know.  I think most people, if they truly like a person they are dating, will put forth better effort no matter how busy they are.  I stay pretty busy myself but I have put forth the effort so I know its possible 

Thanks for all the replies.

 

[fred123]

On 1/17/2025 at 8:14 PM, smackie9 said:

There is no way I would stick around for that. Only two dates in and you are unhappy, questioning things...when they are hard to read it's because they are not crazy about you, just enjoys a night out once in awhile. IMO you should always have your dance card full and don't get over invested when it's just breadcrumbs you are getting. 

Is it fair to expect a woman to be crazy about you though after 2 dates?

[fred123]

3 hours ago, Guy101 said:

Im just going to move on, chasing someone like her just keeps you on a roller coaster from day to day.  In the last 2 days she has gone from one extreme to the other as far as communication goes.  Yesterday she text more than she probably has in the last 2 or 3 days combined, even mentioning she was looking forward to our upcoming date.  Today, hardly anything and what she did text was very generic and short. I even told her to give me a call when she was on her way to work, never heard a word from her. 

Im going to assume she probably has other guys she is talking to, maybe others she is more interested in and when they show her less attention maybe she turns to me to pick up the slack.  I guess the overall picture, if you have to question their interest level, that should tell you all you need to know.  I think most people, if they truly like a person they are dating, will put forth better effort no matter how busy they are.  I stay pretty busy myself but I have put forth the effort so I know its possible 

Thanks for all the replies.

 

She probably had time to call u on the car on the way to work but chose the hotter guy she was into to call

[Acacia98]

On 1/18/2025 at 1:18 AM, Gaeta said:

She sounds so boring to me. 

Kiss or not, even if she was interested in you, do you really want to date someone so self absorbed that she can't ask ANY questions about you in 4 weeks?

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. She sounds self-absorbed. I think that is who she fundamentally is.

---

OP, even if, in her own way, she is interested in you, do you want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who is not inclined to ever prioritize your feelings or needs?

[Acacia98]

8 hours ago, Guy101 said:

Im just going to move on, chasing someone like her just keeps you on a roller coaster from day to day.  In the last 2 days she has gone from one extreme to the other as far as communication goes.  Yesterday she text more than she probably has in the last 2 or 3 days combined, even mentioning she was looking forward to our upcoming date.  Today, hardly anything and what she did text was very generic and short. I even told her to give me a call when she was on her way to work, never heard a word from her. 

Sounds like a wise decision. I also look for consistency in communication. I like reliable people. And, beyond that, I like people who understand how important communication is when you're getting to know someone or are in a relationship with them.

[smackie9]

15 hours ago, fred123 said:

Is it fair to expect a woman to be crazy about you though after 2 dates?

At least show more interest.

[Mac0908]

Been there a few times. It's obviously nothing against you or her trying to slow fade if she's choosing to go out with you again. Her behavior could be one of only two things imo:

1- She could just be a date dispenser with relatively low interest, excited to just kill time with a nice guy who wants to take her out for a night on the town with a free meal. If you DO go out again you absolutely have to go in for a make out though.

2- She's into you but is just a very strange and unusual texter. I have seen these types of people before. Women I've been out with, guy friends I work with, etc. It's rare no doubt, but these people do exist. Call it a form of social anxiety, social awkwardness or call it missing a part of their brain in general, but I've seen it before. So with that said, this woman could still absolutely be into you, but it doesn't change the fact that her communication behavior (and let's be real, texting is huge today) is a big problem to you, which is understandable. 

One bit of criticism though is that you've only been out twice and it seems like you expect a lot more texting. Texting should be minimal in early stages, mostly used for setting up and discussing dates only, keeping some mystery and excitement for when you get to see each other again.

Edited January 21 by Mac0908