KentuckyEsq Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I've posted in the Other Woman/Other Man forum as I recently got out off a MA as the OM. I'd like to date again with they eye toward a LTR if not M. Thing is I am 57 (I am told I look 10-15 years younger), but in good shape (far better than most peers), dress well, take care of myself. In my younger days I never really had a problem with girls though more often than not they had to show interest first. In self-reflection after the A, I am pretty sure I have always had low self esteem and never thought myself good enough. Trouble is a I am in a highly rural area and the pool is shallow, especially for someone my age---I have pretty high standards and try not to just settle just so I can have someone. Dating sites like Bumble and Tinder are a joke though I had some success on Match many many years ago. Anyone in my age bracket have similar stories about the difficulties of dating the older one gets? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I agree with fixing ones self before getting into a relationship again. I'm currently working on that myself. It's been a few years since I've dated and I want to make sure I'll make a good partner if I do date again. I'm also in my fifties and not super pessimistic about it, but I'm also perfectly happy being single....and don't live in a rural area. As with most things in life, a lot of it is about expectations. If you're looking for a 25-year-old hottie (or even choosing matches solely on looks) you're going to have trouble at age 57 no matter where you live. In addition, if you disclose your last relationship (an affair with a married woman) to any potential partners, I'll be honest, it's going to be a strike against you unless you really do the work to find out why you were OK with that and maybe even feel some kind of remorse about it (and it goes without saying, a commitment to never doing it again). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 Chill out on the "I have really high standards." You were with a married woman? I'll be direct: that means you have extremely low standards, perhaps no standards given the pain that dating a married is. Somewhere in your words about high standards is a delusion. You think the rest of world has no standards? I'm guessing you mean beauty/appearance standards. What about intellect and smarts? You got high standards there? Humor? High standards there? Emotional intelligence? You got high standards there. Here's the deal: if you go out into the real world, people have various strengths and what most of us do is find someone with a mix of strengths that seems really good. Having a partner with some extra beauty over another is not going to add much--if anything--to a relationship. For most of us, the more great qualities someone has, the more attractive they become. But not apparently for you. BTW: your basic question is ridiculous. People 57 and 67 and 77 are out there dating and dating successfully, on line and off. Your view of your age is like the way teenagers view people in their 50s. Come on now! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 (edited) Yes from everything you said in your affair thread you need to focus on yourself. While you are in no way to old to date at the same time though from everything you have said about yourself on here you probably lack the maturity that many women would be looking for (especially for a guy who is nearly in his 60's). Edited January 16 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 (edited) Just now, Sony12 said: Edited January 16 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 My father found that women were calling him to ask him out for coffee after my mother passed - and he was a few years older than you. Your issue may well be that you live in a remote, rural location with fewer single women… but, in my experience there are many single women of all ages looking for a good man/relationship. I don’t understand your pessimism. And for what it’s worth - you definitely need to take some time to focus on yourself and get over your affair before you look for another relationship. You are a walking red flag to a woman right now… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 I will only reply to your question in the title. I am 59 and met my boyfriend 2.5 years ago so no, there is no age too old to date and fall in love. My grand-mother remarried at 75 with a man she called the love of her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: You are a walking red flag to a woman right now… Truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 On 1/16/2025 at 7:21 PM, KentuckyEsq said: I've posted in the Other Woman/Other Man forum as I recently got out off a MA as the OM. I'd like to date again with they eye toward a LTR if not M. Thing is I am 57 (I am told I look 10-15 years younger), but in good shape (far better than most peers), dress well, take care of myself. In my younger days I never really had a problem with girls though more often than not they had to show interest first. In self-reflection after the A, I am pretty sure I have always had low self esteem and never thought myself good enough. Trouble is a I am in a highly rural area and the pool is shallow, especially for someone my age---I have pretty high standards and try not to just settle just so I can have someone. Dating sites like Bumble and Tinder are a joke though I had some success on Match many many years ago. Anyone in my age bracket have similar stories about the difficulties of dating the older one gets? I see a certain similarity with myself in your thoughts process- Im still a fair bit younger than you- 13 years, the main relationships Ive had are one that was never really suitable and then another that excited me but she never seen me as her true love- while the one I really wanted slipped away or I made the wrong choices and let her slip away (which is worse) good point about the self esteem- these wrong choices can knock us in the long run, Im trying this Bumble actually- the women have to make the first move- its far from easy in the sense some good prospects appear but they seem to delete a guy just when it seems the ice has been broken- the ladies enjoy the power trip I think, Probably I agree with the trend of the answers- if a man is still dwelling on past loves or past mistakes it is not easy to rise to new challenges and the ladies sniff that apathy or negative vibe out very quickly, so in essence ones age is not the issue more so the mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 9 minutes ago, Foxhall said: I see a certain similarity with myself in your thoughts process- Im still a fair bit younger than you- 13 years, the main relationships Ive had are one that was never really suitable and then another that excited me but she never seen me as her true love- while the one I really wanted slipped away or I made the wrong choices and let her slip away (which is worse) good point about the self esteem- these wrong choices can knock us in the long run, Im trying this Bumble actually- the women have to make the first move- its far from easy in the sense some good prospects appear but they seem to delete a guy just when it seems the ice has been broken- the ladies enjoy the power trip I think, Probably I agree with the trend of the answers- if a man is still dwelling on past loves or past mistakes it is not easy to rise to new challenges and the ladies sniff that apathy or negative vibe out very quickly, so in essence ones age is not the issue more so the mindset. I think you nailed it. Thanks for the respectful but blunt post 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Something I've found online is that people why say they have 'high standards and will not settle' are invariably single. Women do sniff out apathy or a negative vibe, but they also sniff out men who are lacking in humility. I'm a woman and am wondering why you think it's relevant that you look 10-15 years younger than you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 18 minutes ago, basil67 said: Something I've found online is that people why say they have 'high standards and will not settle' are invariably single. Women do sniff out apathy or a negative vibe, but they also sniff out men who are lacking in humility. I'm a woman and am wondering why you think it's relevant that you look 10-15 years younger than you are. Because (and you can deny it all you want) looks matter. Don't say they don't. I'm far from Brad Pitt but I take care of myself and maintain decent health, clean clothes and generally care about my appearance. Because as I said I matters Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 (edited) 12 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: Because (and you can deny it all you want) looks matter. Don't say they don't. I'm far from Brad Pitt but I take care of myself and maintain decent health, clean clothes and generally care about my appearance. Because as I said I matters No offense but you sound incredibly immature for your age. You do realize you are nearing 60 years old right? Unless you want to become a sugar daddy you are going to find the women willing to give you the time of day are going to value maturity, charisma, and personality even more than looks. And you seem lacking in all three of those areas. You are nearing 60. Your days of being a boy toy where women will look past any immaturity and focus mainly on looks is over. You need both at your age and you are lacking in the department that is most important for a 57 year old man. Edited January 17 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 (edited) 16 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: Because (and you can deny it all you want) looks matter. Don't say they don't. I'm far from Brad Pitt but I take care of myself and maintain decent health, clean clothes and generally care about my appearance. Because as I said I matters I am mid 50s, so likely within the age group you're considering. Yes, I would want a man who does the best he can with what he's got, but looking would be of zero importance to me. Humility is attractive and vanity is not Edited January 17 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 3 minutes ago, Sony12 said: No offense but you sound incredibly immature for your age. You do realize you are nearing 60 years old. Unless you want to become a sugar daddy you are going to find women willing to give you the time of day are going to value maturity, charisma, and personality even more than looks. And you seem lacking in all three of those areas. You are nearing 60. Your days of being a boy toy where women will look past any immaturity and focus mainly on looks is over. You need both at your age and you are lacking in the department that is most important for a 57 year old man. Well no offense but you know nothing about me. And nowhere did I say looks are everything. But you're lying if you say physical attraction isn't important (to both sexes) and invariably the first thing people notice. You know this is true. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 1 minute ago, KentuckyEsq said: Well no offense but you know nothing about me. And nowhere did I say looks are everything. But you're lying if you say physical attraction isn't important (to both sexes) and invariably the first thing people notice. You know this is true. Bollocks! The first thing I notice is how a guy interacts with others, his smile and a ready laugh Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 1 minute ago, basil67 said: I am mid 50s, so likely within the age group you're considering. Yes, I would want a man who does the best he can with what he's got, but looking would be of zero importance to me. Humility is far more important than being vain about looking young Keep trying to convince yourself that physical attraction is not important. You know it is. Get on a dating site and the decision to swipe left or right is based nearly 100% on physical attraction. I agree that people have different ideas of attraction. What's attractive to me might not be attractive to you and vice versa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 1 minute ago, basil67 said: Bollocks! The first thing I notice is how a guy interacts with others, his smile and a ready laugh I'm calling false on that. You're not giving an unattractive member of the opposite sex the time of day if there isn't an initial physical attraction Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 1 minute ago, KentuckyEsq said: Keep trying to convince yourself that physical attraction is not important. You know it is. Get on a dating site and the decision to swipe left or right is based nearly 100% on physical attraction. I agree that people have different ideas of attraction. What's attractive to me might not be attractive to you and vice versa The fact that you don't believe what I say does not invalidate the way my attraction funcitions In truth, I get the icks over guys who are very good looking. I usually assume (rightly or wrongly) that they are vain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 1 minute ago, KentuckyEsq said: I'm calling false on that. You're not giving an unattractive member of the opposite sex the time of day if there isn't an initial physical attraction I was not initially physically attracted to my husband. But we talked, and laughed and get on really well, and then the attraction to him developed. We met over thirty years ago and are still going strong. Can you match this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: I was not initially physically attracted to my husband. But we talked, and laughed and get on really well, and then the attraction to him developed. We met over thirty years ago and are still going strong. Can you match this? Bollocks! There was at least some level of physical attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 14 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: Well no offense but you know nothing about me. And nowhere did I say looks are everything. But you're lying if you say physical attraction isn't important (to both sexes) and invariably the first thing people notice. You know this is true. Where did I say it's not important? It is important but for a 57 year old the other things I mentioned are even more important. The women that are putting that much emphasis on looks aren't dating 57 year olds. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 (edited) 8 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: Bollocks! There was at least some level of physical attraction. The fact you are not open to acknowledging that others have thoughts and feelings that you have not personally experienced shows that you are closed minded. Not an attractive trait. Edited January 17 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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