suby124 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Hi all..I recently attended a dating party arranged by my friend. I hadn’t dated in years due to serious medical issues that left me recovering for a long time. My ex left me when she found out I might be permanently disabled and insurance companies used a pre existing condition clause to deny me disability payments. I had a pretty horrible life and several times almost killed myself. Thankfully I survived and have started to recover little by little after so many drugs doctors visits scans and treatment trials. Anyways at the party my friend introduced the guys to the girls. A young beautiful woman approached me and shook my hand and gave me a warm smile and her name. For some reason I was immediately drawn to her. My friend and others noticed and teased me eventually putting us on the spot to introduce ourselves to the group. I felt awkward since I hadn’t socialized much in six years. anyway I managed to share a bit about myself and she did too. at one point she said she really likes tall fit guys and gave me a big smile… so I had to tell her that I was still recovering from my illness and i wasn’t actually fit just malnourished. she didn’t seem fazed but quite the opposite. she smiled hugged me and seemed even more interested. by the end of the night she was the only person I could think about. at the end of the event we had to pick envelopes containing the names of people who liked us I received two and one of them was hers. My friend asked if he could share my contact information with her and I agreed. by the time I got home I already had several texts from her. we arranged to meet downtown the next day. That’s when she told me she is 21 and still in college. I was shocked because I thought she was older around 26. at first I felt disappointed about the age gap but as we talked I realized how much we have in common and how strong the chemistry was. after the date she gave me a small kiss on the lips and asked if next time she could meet me at her places or mine’s. I said I would but didn’t follow through. I ended up cancelling but still can’t stop thinking about her. she calls me still daily and asks me to talk to her and she says she can’t stop thinking about me either. I am unsure about the age difference. despite being young she is intelligent mature and incredibly beautiful. I haven’t talked to anyone outside my family or medical staff in years so I might be feeling overwhelmed by the connection. but she’s the only thing that has brought a smile to me in years and for some reason I feel like i can’t let her go. what to do? is this love or is this even realistic? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 She's in college...she's looking for a hookup, seems to think you are a challenge and she likes that. So if you are in it to hit it then go for it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 your afraid that she will not stay around too long and will you be handle that mentally, Id advise you will find a way to deal with that- life is for living enjoy the moments now with her and gain some nice experiences. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 What are you looking for? If it's to start dating here and there than sure. If you're looking for a life partner than you're traveling down the wrong path. Does she live with her parents? You will find some resistance there. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 (edited) I think you are being a bit too overwhelmed. You can’t be seriously asking yourself whether this is love. It’s way, way to early to be using this word, you two haven’t even started dating yet. Lower your expectations, relax, and go with the flow. What reason do you have not to meet her in her place or yours? She obviously likes you. Just go for it. Enjoy whatever comes out of this connection. Remember, fortune favors the brave. Edited January 18 by Gebidozo 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 I'd agree to not overthink it at this stage. Just have fun. You'll always wonder if you don't....right? I know someone who was her age when she met her now husband, over 20 years her senior. They've been married for like 15 years now and they are very happy. Not all 21-year-old women are immature or party animals, etc. Ya never know! Also, how cool is it that your friend held a dating party?! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author suby124 Posted January 18 Author Share Posted January 18 1 hour ago, Gebidozo said: I think you are being a bit too overwhelmed. You can’t be seriously asking yourself whether this is love. It’s way, way to early to be using this word, you two haven’t even started dating yet. Lower your expectations, relax, and go with the flow. What reason do you have not to meet her in her place or yours? She obviously likes you. Just go for it. Enjoy whatever comes out of this connection. Remember, fortune favors the brave. oh I really like hearing this. i’m calling her all right. i was just not sure if im doing something unacceptable or taboo. thank you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 13 hours ago, suby124 said: asked if next time she could meet me at her places or mine’s. I said I would but didn’t follow through. I ended up cancelling Why? 13 hours ago, suby124 said: is this love or is this even realistic? It's not love. You barely know her. I think that is your previous romantic isolaton speaking, so even a small spark seems very bright. And it might be a good match, but you don't know her well enough yet to determine how well you two match. 10 hours ago, suby124 said: was just not sure if im doing something unacceptable or taboo. What would be unacceptable about it? You're both adults. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 (edited) Yeah don't fret about this girl at all. Her asking to go back to either her place or yours on the first date tells you right there what she was looking for. She's probably just trying to put a notch on her belt with an older guy. Nothing at all wrong with that. I do that kind of thing as well but the very fact you have started this thread indicates you aren't in the right mindset for that type of thing right now. I also am kind of questioning your friend a bit. Surely he knew that college girls were showing up at the party. Was he just trying to hook you up......and perhaps himself as well? Honestly wouldn't be surprised (with how quickly that girl brought up sex) if she was asked if she would have sex with some of the guys there. Edited January 18 by Sony12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 While the age gap wasn't this big, I had a fling with an older man when I was about 18. Because of the distance and age difference, I didn't ever consider that this would be anything serious, and was shocked when he started talking about a future with me. Have fun with her by all means, but don't assume anything about her intentions without having a 'what is this?' conversation first 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 That’s great man! take her out on a date. Just be aware that she’s 21 and that they fall in and out of love every five minutes. Most of them at least. She could be that rare mature one. Just keep things light, positive and upbeat. Nothing negative and no putdowns. Don’t talk about your illness and struggles because she’s not there to be your therapist. Remember that Cyndi Lauper song? Girls just want to have fun. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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