NuevoYorko Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Wow, that's rough. How are you doing? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KayleighL2358 Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 33 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Wow, that's rough. How are you doing? I know it’s probably the right thing but it feels pretty bad right now. It’s hard knowing someone isn’t ready to live with you and would rather risk losing you completely Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 2 minutes ago, KayleighL2358 said: I know it’s probably the right thing but it feels pretty bad right now. It’s hard knowing someone isn’t ready to live with you and would rather risk losing you completely Are you still going on with your relationship? Do you feel like you both acted prematurely by undertaking this move? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KayleighL2358 Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 5 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Are you still going on with your relationship? Do you feel like you both acted prematurely by undertaking this move? It’s hard to process it all right now but I’d like to work on it. We probably did move too quickly and especially in selling his house, it’s just knowing if we can come back from this Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 I hope things go okay for you. Sorry you're in a rough patch. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) 48 minutes ago, KayleighL2358 said: I know it’s probably the right thing but it feels pretty bad right now. It’s hard knowing someone isn’t ready to live with you and would rather risk losing you completely No, no, NO!!!!!!!!!!!! The guy isn't ready to date you--he can't successfully be a good partner. Your feeling of rejection would be like feeling rejected when you're asked to leave a store that is being flooded with sludge. You celebrate escaping the deluge of sludge. Instead, you're putting your insecurity first--everything is about whether he values you. You gotta drop that, sister. That ain't gonna work in any relationship. If you think he doesn't value you, then you dump him. Immediately. Instead, you're trying to win him over. You can't win over someone's love. Sorry. That's junior high school, not adulthood. Edited January 19 by Lotsgoingon 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KayleighL2358 Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 1 minute ago, Lotsgoingon said: No, no, NO!!!!!!!!!!!! The guy isn't ready to date you--he can't successfully be a good partner. Your feeling of rejection would be like feeling rejected when you're asked to leave a store that is being flooded with sludge. You celebrate escaping the deluge of sludge. Instead, you're putting your insecurity first--everything is about whether he values you. You gotta drop that, sister. That ain't gonna work in any relationship. If you think he doesn't value you, then you dump him. Immediately. Instead, you're trying to win him over. You can't win over someone's love. Sorry. That's junior high school, not adulthood. Thank you. This is on my mind also, I’m just very aware that I carry some insecurities and trauma of my own that have probably caused a couple of fall outs that make him nervous. I know there are things I can work on too. I would be naive to think otherwise. But I won’t be begging him to see my worth that’s for sure Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 It was very foolish to make big life decisions like moving in together and him selling his house, for a relationship of less than a year. That's way too soon. It was a mistake and that's why it's all falling apart now. Let him go. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KayleighL2358 Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: It was very foolish to make big life decisions like moving in together and him selling his house, for a relationship of less than a year. That's way too soon. It was a mistake and that's why it's all falling apart now. Let him go. Don’t mind my feelings Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 34 minutes ago, KayleighL2358 said: Don’t mind my feelings The fact it hurts your feelings does not mean the comment should not be said. I also moved in with my partner very quickly, and I agree that it was a seriously high risk choice! Regarding getting left out, I understand the difficulty. When we met, my partner and I would go to parties and he'd pretty much abandon me as soon as he walked in the door. He has no concept that it's really hard for a newby to break the ice with a group of people who already know each other. As a result, I stopped going with him to events where the people were unlikely to become staple friends. . As time went on, I did get more comfortable with his friends and these days I don't even notice my partner's absence. I just end up talking with the women all night. That said, if it's a group where it's unlikely we will become staple friends, I still stay home. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 1 hour ago, KayleighL2358 said: Don’t mind my feelings Of course it hurts! But it's a necessary step to take. There are a lot of good life lessons to learn here. Why do you think he could end the relationship instead of working your issues? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 6 hours ago, KayleighL2358 said: To keep you all updated he came back tonight and said he’d made the decision to go back to his and take his house off the market. He isn’t ready to move in or to take the risk of selling his house when we have things to work on I know this must sting, but it’s actually a sensible decision. It is very likely that the troubles in your relationship were caused by the rush to live together. The stress created by that could have ruined the relationship completely. Now at least there is a chance that, after an unpleasant healing period, the relationship will recover from this blow and pick up its natural pace. Please don’t argue with him about this decision, let him do it and stay calm. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Whose idea was it to move in together at this stage? Meaning, who floated the idea first - you or him? EIther way, it's a pretty crappy position to be in now. It sounds like the relationship moved too quickly and you were accurately picking up on signs that he was not as invested as you. I would urge you to re-consider dating him altogether. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 In the context of everything it sounds like standard being taken for granted to me. He lacks basic social skills, like not understanding why it's rude to not be attentive to your partner when you're out socialising. I don't mean he should hover around like a waiter, or that he shouldn't mingle, I mean doing stuff like sitting there with his back to you, oblivious that you're excluded from conversation, and offering to buy the other girl a drink before offering a drink to his date who's sitting right there. They're small things, until they start happening all the time, which they will. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 1 hour ago, MsJayne said: He lacks basic social skills, like not understanding why it's rude to not be attentive to your partner when you're out socialising. I agree, but it also sounds like he's doubting the entire relationship given that he's now decided to move back into his own house and take it off the market. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Him moving back is great. You guys aren't ready to live together. Totally agree with @MsJayne: sitting with his back to you for a prolonged period--wow that hits me harder each time I read it. What made you think this guy was ready for a serious relationship? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 (edited) I have to admit I felt pessimistic when I last posted, but I thought it was too soon to express my sentiments. Now that he has been honest with you about wanting to move out, I have to agree with the folks who think you should end the relationship. I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing, but I think this will ultimately be for the best. He really didn't seem ready, and the way he deals with challenges inspires insecurity rather than confidence. Edited January 20 by Acacia98 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 On 1/20/2025 at 1:34 AM, MsJayne said: In the context of everything it sounds like standard being taken for granted to me. He lacks basic social skills, like not understanding why it's rude to not be attentive to your partner when you're out socialising. I don't mean he should hover around like a waiter, or that he shouldn't mingle, I mean doing stuff like sitting there with his back to you, oblivious that you're excluded from conversation, For sure. From what the OP posted above, it sounds like this inattentiveness was present in their relationship at home too and that it was already an area of conflict between them. As painful as this situation feels, no doubt it's something to be thankful for - that it happened now when it's not that complicated to separate households again. Whatever is to happen in the future. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 On 1/19/2025 at 1:27 PM, ExpatInItaly said: Perhaps he got defensive about being accused of flirting (even if you didn't accuse him of that) because he was indeed attacted to this other woman and not that interested in you - and he knows it. This is exactly what I would think if my date spent an entire 4 hours ignoring me while he talked to another woman, and then got upset with me because I said something. I would have left. I bet his friend didn't appreciate him chatting up his girl for 4 hours straight either. I'm not surprised he left because he's up to something. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.