RealFirePowah Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Hello everyone, I’m hoping someone will take some time out of their day and give this confused man some advice. Ages listed to help with context if useful. I moved across the US 3 years ago for work. After a few months I joined a gaming group that was two married couples. Jason and Dani (M25/F28) both work with me and introduced me to the other couple Kevin and Sasha (M30/F28). A few months after Hannah (F31) joined. Hannah had just started working with Sasha and they became fast friends. We get together at least once a week for board games, food, and bad movies. Best part of my week are these nights. I host. I consider all 5 of them to be my closest friends and my found family on this side of the country. About 6 months ago Jason and Dani introduced us to Beth (F34). She fit in with the group immediately. Even when we weren’t hanging out the group chats were always active and everyone was getting along. Then a few weeks ago Beth played in her first session of Dungeons and Dragons with us. And while I thought it would be fun by the time we started playing the air seemed tense. I’m not sure what happened but that day forward everyone was a lot colder to Beth and I can’t figure out why. The day before DND group chat was all memes and talking about being excited to play with Beth’s character. Day of and everyone is short with her and a bit short with me as well. I can’t explain it but it was all just “off.” Short responses, less engagement, and everyone wanted to call it a night over an hour earlier than usual. Just a bad night all around. Felt extra bad for Beth since she came over early to go over her character rules and help make snacks for the table. I asked everyone the day after what was going on but everyone denied there being an issue. I asked Beth and she said she’s as confused as I am. It’s been a few weeks since and Beth has stopped hanging out with us though we still talk. She feels like she’s done something wrong but nobody will talk to her about it. Dani was the one who knew her first but she’s completely iced her out. The couples and Hannah want to get together and hang out but when I mentioned Beth they gave some weak excuse about her not “being a good fit” and wouldn’t explain further. They are ok with me now but Beth’s still a problem? I don’t get it. How can I get them to tell me what is going on? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 For whatever reason they have chosen not to tell you the reason why they don't like her, and it's very strange. You've already tried to ask them and they don't want to clue you in as to what's really going on. You can't force them to tell you. If you really feel that they are acting weird and acting like jerks, you can stop hanging out with them so much. There's not much else you can do. You can't make them tell you something that they're clearly making an effort to hide from you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 My guess would be that Beth has somehow upset one of the other women. Females can be catty creatures in social groups, sometimes turning on one another over things which usually sprout from jealousy and/or competitiveness, or it could be something more sinister where she's over-stepped some boundary. Is she a flirty sort of person, or is there something else about her that might annoy other women, like for instance is she a little over-bearing or over-confident? If she's attractive then it's quite possible that you don't see annoying qualities simply because you're a single male, but even if she's not maybe on that first DND night you were making it all about Beth and the others found the change in dynamic off-putting. If you're lucky enough to have a good group dynamic without Beth then I'd go with it, and I'd wait until the next time you're all there having a good gaming night and I'd just ask what the go with Beth was. They may all think you think the sun shines out of her, (kinda sounds like you do), and so be reluctant to say anything against her because they don't want to offend you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealFirePowah Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 I don't find Beth attractive. I don't think she's unattractive but she's just not my type. I've never flirted with her, and best I can tell, she's never flirted with me. Dani and Sasha had actually asked me a few times if I was into her and I was clear that I only want to be her friend. I hope this isn't all some misunderstanding where they think Beth and I are secretly dating or something. I'm too old for weird secret dating games. As for DND we hadn't even gotten around to introducing Beth's character. Everyone showed up and were normal with Beth at first. About 20 minutes later we sat down and the vibe changed but Beth hadn't done anything but set out snacks and talked with everyone as they showed up. I guess Beth must have said something to set someone off when I stepped out of the room for 5 minutes? This is all so confusing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Ya know - they just don't like her. If you like her you can develop a friendship with her. It doesn't all have to be about this group dynamic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 17 hours ago, RealFirePowah said: About 20 minutes later we sat down and the vibe changed but Beth hadn't done anything but set out snacks and talked with everyone as they showed up. Kinda like she was doing a 'hostess with the most-est' in your house? Maybe your friends liked things the way they were and felt the dynamics had shifted with Beth doing a Martha Stewart as if she was in charge. Just straight up ask them. If it's this noticeable they can't deny there's a problem. If Danni and Sasha have questioned you more than once about whether you're attracted to her, that's a reasonable indication that that you behave differently around her. What might be going on there? 🤔 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 It's also possible that one person doesn't like her, for whatever reason, and has a strong personality and the other members of the group are impressionable. That could result in the whole group not liking her and not being able to explain why. That's my best guess. But I don't think it's likely to help you much because I'm not really a group person. I prefer dealing with people on a one-on-one basis. I find that group dynamics often get weird. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 There is no way anybody can answer a question like this unless they can see the dynamics going on and know the people and past history. Just ask them. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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