do we have a second chance to reconnect in the future? or should I move on?

[Matthew1331]

Hi all, I’m in an a unique situation struggling to process the end of what felt like a very special connection with a girl I dated for about 3 months. I’d appreciate your insights on whether there’s any realistic chance of us reconnecting down the line.

We are both grad students in college who have been on around 7 dates over the course of 3 months (had some holiday breaks in between), and I really fell for her, I mean just complete wife material. We seem to share a deep emotional bond + have a lot in common, and have never had an argument.

Although we still have around 6 months left in our program, she ended things as we have very different plans after graduation and didnt want an expiration date on our relationship. I plan to stay on the west coast near my family and will pursue law, whereas she plans to travel abroad to do rotational teaching programs for the next few years. We both envisioned a long term future with eachother, but the timing just doesnt seem to work out right now. The door is left very open for both sides, and we both plan to return to the same city in the US after 2-3 years. Long distance wont be an option due to time and distance apart, but we are open to visiting eachother casually if time allows.

Here’s where I’m struggling:

Should I hold out hope for her? Both of us are deciding to focus on ourselves for the time being, and its highly unlikely we find other people long term in the next 2 years due to the nature of our careers.

Is no contact truly the right thing to do in this situation? Since we ended things so amicable, would it hurt to stay in touch with her every few weeks or months?

If I do hold out hope, what can I do to ensure a connection down the road?

I’ve decided to focus on my career for the next few years, but the thought of reconnecting with her keeps lingering. I’ve dated many girls in the past, and never met anyone like her, and I’m scared I never will again.

Is it crazy to hold onto hope for reconnecting with her in the future? Or should I just accept that this is over and try to move on fully? I understand the standard advice on reddit has been to cut contact and move on, but this truly feels different and would be a wasted opportunity if I did

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Matthew1331 said:

this truly feels different and would be a wasted opportunity if I did

I understand how you feel, but unfortunately this is not your decision to make, because

2 hours ago, Matthew1331 said:

she ended things

She has made her choice. She doesn’t see this the same way you do. If she did, she would definitely suggest long-distance relationship. People who truly see themselves being together in the future together don’t break up because of 2-3 years of physical separation. What are 2-3 years compared to the whole life?

I’m sorry, but you’ll need to go no contact and move on. Keeping a close connection and visiting each other while not being in a relationship would keep you hoping, and you’ll hurt more when she eventually finds someone else.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're not crazy to hope for more, OP. It's just not that realistic a prospect. 

You're going to be apart for quite a while with no solid plan to even be in the same city in the future. I think she enjoyed her time with you but does not really want to entertain the idea of getting together in the future. 

You can keep in touch if you want, but please don't hedge your bets on it. There is no telling who either of you will meet, and the different paths you lives might take. Please don't count on her staying single for the next 2 or 3 years, either. 

[NuevoYorko]

Don't try to see into the future.  Seriously, who knows what the future may bring, but you and she have already decided that you're not waiting for each other or hanging any plans on what might or might not ever happen.  Plenty of people reunite with past loves at some later point in their lives but it was not because of a plan they had.  it just happened.

So  don't "hold out hope."  Live your life fully in the present.