My gf and I have different plans and goals on what we want to achieve causing conflict

[lovers]

My gf and I are both in our early 30s with decent paying jobs. We both live in a High cost of living city where houses are very expensive. We both have different goals and how we want to get there 

My goal: I am conservative and big on saving and investing my money. My aging parents giving me the house since they are poor and can't keep up with mortgage plus they are forced into retirement. So I am paying all the bills. My goal is to reach a certain amount of investment so that I can basically live off my interest. Will take me about 5-7 years of continued investing. We can save alot of money. Plus we don't have to sacrifice slaving away at jobs to pay off debt and can travel and explore the world more. Our lifestyle will drastically improve once I hit that goal as in we won't have to work as much or im not forced to work so much if I don't want to. Have a family and focus on that. Eventually switch to part time when enough saving and investing to enjoy our life more. Problem is I want her to move in the house with my parents and I so we can super save. Place is not that big but enough. Can eventually get our own place when we have enough money saved. I want her to sacrifice a bit. 

My gf goal: my gf is about comfort. She doesn't have nearly as much savings as I do and she lives in a nice apartment complex. She wants to buy a condo or house so that she can live her life and eventually start a family. Problem is I can't contribute as much since I am already paying for a house. She preaches about having her own security in case things don't work out with us so she wants her own place. Thats fine she just needs to foot the bill which she can't. I can but a decent down payment as I have the money but If things don't work out I want my money back. She barely has any savings plus she wants to bring a child in the world. I tell her she over extending herself. She doesn't have the money for it. Its more doable if we can have someone else rent a room for her condo to help with the bills she doesn't like. 

My issue is my gf already complaining about struggling to meet her monthly bills with just an apartment complex now she wants to buy a complex and bring a child in the world lol. I am telling her life is more expensive than she realizes. She saying she can put this much in the mortgage per month but she is not accounting unforeseen expenses plus would basically be house poor. What are your guys thoughts? 

Edited January 25 by lovers

[basil67]

Basically, your story is one where each of you have plans which are vastly incompatible.   You have only two options: compromise or end the relationship.     And given her age and recent miscarriage, she's not going to want to wait years for trying for another baby.  

Where are you willing to make compromise?

[MsJayne]

The way you describe your partner is condescending, your sense of superiority very obvious. If your parents are your priority that’s your right, but would you be putting them first if they weren’t part-donating a house to you? It sounds like you’re all about money, you expect a thirty-something woman to wait 5-7 years to have children to fit in with your financial plans. My advice to your GF would be, “Run before you end up childless and with no assets of your own because you allowed Mr One Day to dictate to you.” 

[Gebidozo]

It’s perfectly understandable that you don’t want to rush to have kids and buy a house. But your GF is in her 30’s already and she might not be willing to wait 5-7 years more before you finally agree to that. It looks like she might be feeling controlled and not allowed to live her life.

Try to understand her point of view instead of immediately trying to convince her that it’s unreasonable. Neither of you is right or wrong, but one of you will have to compromise, otherwise you won’t be able to stay together. Is there any way for you guys to meet halfway?

 

[Els]

4 hours ago, lovers said:

Problem is I want her to move in the house with my parents and I so we can super save. Place is not that big but enough. Can eventually get our own place when we have enough money saved. I want her to sacrifice a bit. 

You want your gf to live with your parents for 7 years????

Look, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but the whole FIRE thing (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about) doesn't work exactly like how the influencers on YouTube are telling you.

The vast majority of people who try for FIRE don't achieve it within anywhere near their anticipated timeline. The reason being that they usually calculate based on best case scenarios, which don't always apply. The recent cost of living surge alone was enough to set people back by several years. Let alone anything like a medical condition, etc. One of my friends makes over $200k a year and has already had to push his FIRE back by 5 years.

This is fine when you are just working hard and living with reasonable frugality, like my friend is doing. He doesn't spend much, but he and his wife have a small place of their own and they occasionally go out and do fun stuff together.

But when you are putting your entire life and relationship on hold just to try to achieve it, the results are devastating. Your gf knows that she could well end up living with your parents for 10 years, 15, 20... having sacrificed her youth for absolutely nothing.

Not even to mention the whole postponing kids thing that everyone is talking about.

You are within your rights to want what you want, but she's within her rights to not want it. And frankly I don't think you'll find many women who are willing to live with your parents for 7 years.

Edit: Holy s*** you're the same dude who thinks his gf baby trapped him and who's relieved that she had a miscarriage?! What are you even doing in this relationship?? How exactly do you think this is gonna end well?

Edited January 26 by Els

[ShyViolet]

You don't sound like you have a clue what you are doing financially.  A lot of the things you are saying are unrealistic and out of touch with reality.  And your gf thinks she's going to buy an entire house for herself even though she has no money and is barely paying her bills.  Have you visited an actual financial planner?

[rainrhonda]

I agree a financial advisor is needed here....you can't 100% count on your plan going exactly as you think. Your GF knows this, too. And if she is racing the biological clock & wants kids then your plan throws a wrench in that, for her. Not to mention living with parents for 7 years, that's a long time to share your space & not have have space of your own. I don't think she's being unreasonable given those things. Like others said, you both have to be willing to compromise somehow, or the relationship can't continue. Maybe downgrade to a cheaper place to live? It would still save money just not as much , and not at the pace you'd like, but I'd bet she would be willing to consider that as a compromise. Keep in mind the baby thing is something she can only compromise on to a certain degree because again, she is up against the biological clock. That's enough for her to end it with you if it appears that you don't support it, she'll want to find someone else who will.