What do men think about overweight female loners in a romantic/sexual context?

[noboyfriendnohusband]

I stayed on dating apps. I was on 8 different dating apps at once, checking them every day. I wasted SO SO SO much time on dating apps and trying to talk to men. I stepped back and asked myself wtf am I doing. I can't even bother anymore. I can't get men interested in me because of my weight. I've talked to hundreds of men. Hundreds. I've given my phone number out to hundreds of men and wasted so much time going nowhere with men. I'm not even getting paid for this. I only managed to meet up with 10 guys IRL in almost 2 years. Out of those 10, there were some hookups, sometimes I went on multiple dates with a guy, I had a casual thing with a guy who called me his girlfriend yet he refused to help me in my times of need so he wasn't really a "boyfriend" was he. Some guys didn't even want to hook up with me. Like what the hell. Usually it was just a first date with no second date.

In the end, I get rejected by every guy for the exact same reason: my weight. I try men of different races, ages, weight, height, income, personality type, etc, yet none of them are very interested. If there's interest, it's extremely lackluster. I could never get a guy to "fall in love" with me or want to give me everything I want or need. I don't even care about what he looks like or who he is if he could financially support me, yet even with my indiscriminate swiping, most men don't swipe right on me. I don't even swipe right on guys I find attractive. I swipe right on guys who I *think* would find *me* attractive. I'm usually wrong.

I deleted all my dating apps because every time I would swipe on a guy and not get a swipe back, I would get devastated and it'd ruin my whole day. Plus I kept creating then deleting my accounts. I've been using the same two pictures for the past 2 years and I think men in my area are too familiar with me, so they just automatically swipe left. The last time I went on a date with a new guy was September 2024. I deleted the apps for good in December 2024. Now I don't even have the opportunity to meet men. I don't get approached IRL and no guy ever talks to me unless it's on a dating app. I need to take new pictures to get back on dating apps, but it's agonizing. I look awful in every picture.

I have the most unattractive body type that no man can find attractive. I'm also not attractive in the face so it's extra hopeless. Men all want the same thing, and it isn't me.

I took a lot of Adderall earlier today and I obsess over the same thing each and every single time without fail. This garbage doesn't even help me focus. I was okay with life for like 10 minutes, now I'm having this dysphoria attack. I try to maintain a positive mindset. I can't. I can't get a boyfriend. This same thought is on an infinite loop at maximum volume. I obsess over how no man wants me, because it's true. Look at all the effort I put in just to end up with nothing. Right now having a guy to support me especially financially would be so helpful since I'm struggling immensely in life. I could never get that. Men are so stingy with me and always tell me no when I ask for things. There was this guy, claiming to be my "boyfriend", who was fully capable of buying me a new phone, yet refused to do so. Sure he paid for everything when we went out, but we didn't really go out to fun places that often. He just got stingier and stingier over time, and I just cut him off because of that. Now I'm back to where I started.

I feel so stuck. I don't want to get gastric bypass surgery because it'll permanently change my organs and who knows if I'd just get fat again. I can't get Wegovy or Ozempic because I'm on medicaid and that's only approved for people with diabetes. I don't have diabetes. I picked up vaping nicotine because I read it gets rid of appetite. It doesn't. I stopped vaping months ago and never got addicted to it. I exercise and walk often, but that still doesn't help me lose weight. It's like I have to eat almost nothing to lose weight. I had bloodwork done to see if I had PCOS and I don't. I was told everything is fine. I haven't drank alcohol since last year (it was court mandated). I had no problems getting rid of alcohol, but not food. The one and only thing that will help me be attractive to men is the only addiction I can't kick. Men don't care if you're an alcoholic as long as you're hot. I'm not even an alcoholic. I'm not a smoker. Food is my one and only addiction, the one and only barrier to having a man pay for all my bills, take me on nice trips, show me the world, and change my life completely.

 

EDIT: I re-read my own post. I immediately know men are going to hate me for this post. Why? I mentioned finances. Men hate it with all their hearts and souls when I express any financial need. I'm not asking for a rich man. A poor man on a McDonald's salary could support me and I'd be okay with that. It's just that no man likes me enough for that. A man who truly cares for his woman would have no problems with helping her out financially. But when men get angry, it's because they don't think I'm worth the investment and try to gaslight me. And that's because of my weight again.

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[noboyfriendnohusband]

I feel embarrassed to talk about this. No one has sympathy for fat people I know, because it's viewed as something someone can change. But every attempt at losing weight fails even with these supposed weight loss drugs. If I were a meth addict or crack addict then men would want me because I'd be thin. Men don't care about health. Sometimes men say they only want thin women because of health but they don't actually give a damn about health. It's only about appearances and nothing else.

[noboyfriendnohusband]

Adderall makes me feel terrible because I obsess about the same thought nonstop. It makes me want to hide under the covers or jump out of the window so I can be free from the prison I'm in. But there's nowhere to go.

[NuevoYorko]

Why don't you get some professional help.  It seems like your efforts to resolve your issues on your own are not working.  

You really are not in any position to build a healthy relationship with anyone right now, and it's not because of your weight - though I recognize that  that's  a problem for you

[noboyfriendnohusband]

My dark world just keeps getting darker. I was so happy when I posted an r4r post on Reddit, thinking there was hope at finding someone. But every guy asked for my picture or wasn't in my area. It's the damn pictures. I just can't take pictures. Now that post is gone. I randomly searched "dating forums" and just clicked here then made an account. I don't care if I just talk to myself. I have no one to talk to. I have no friends or a boyfriend and no hope of meeting one.

I need to get back on dating apps ASAP to feel normal again. It's like a compulsion at this point. If I don't get back on the apps, there's no way I'll ever find a man. The low chance of finding the right guy for me turns into total 0%. If I stay active on dating apps, it's at least 1%. I tell myself that. That I just have to keep trying and it'll happen. Maybe it'll take 5 more years, maybe 10. But if I don't try then it will really never happen. 

I need help. I need to take pictures. I'm panicking.

[noboyfriendnohusband]

3 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why don't you get some professional help.  It seems like your efforts to resolve your issues on your own are not working.  

You really are not in any position to build a healthy relationship with anyone right now, and it's not because of your weight - though I recognize that  that's  a problem for you

It's because of my weight. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

Writing it all out helps a little bit. Not by much. Just a little bit. I can take a deep breath and acknowledge it's an Adderall induced panic attack, but the thoughts are all true. When it wears off, these things won't stop being true. Look at my life and what a wreck it is. I have a mountain of legal issues and no job. Before this, men still didn't want me. They never did. They make all that money and where does it go. They're too stingy to even pay my Ubers. Yes I can have a guy pick me up and drive me around, but only if it's also beneficial to him. He won't want to give me Uber cash to help me get around just because I need the help. I really need help. Do I need a man to save me? I guess so. Then everyone tells me no, you gotta improve yourself and a man can't save you, you'll only be exploited, never depend on a man, etc etc etc. Well listen. It's not like that's an option to me anyway. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

I do everything alone. I go to major cities and walk around alone. I go to festivals alone. No man ever talks to me. I put everything on my credit card. No man wants to pay off my measly $2k debt. I'm willing to do anything but it's still no. And no, i could never be a prostitute. Not because it's against my values but because men don't want to pay for me. They'll pay for dates (normal dates, like going to restaurants or some activity), but refuse to give me outright cash or pay anything off.

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[Maldives]

"A man who truly cares for his woman would have no problems with helping her out financially".

Nope not true. If that was me having to always support her I'd feel used. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

9 minutes ago, Maldives said:

"A man who truly cares for his woman would have no problems with helping her out financially".

Nope not true. If that was me having to always support her I'd feel used. 

Lies. You just didn't like her enough. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

The number one way a man shows his interest is through financial investment. It's the ultimate put your money where your mouth is. Men can talk talk talk but that's how men really walk, through money. And again no, I'm not saying millions of dollars, but having no problems spending a big chunk of cash (to him) is how he can show he really loves, trusts, and appreciates his woman. 

 

My phone is glitching. It's cheap and I can't afford a new one. This guy can't spend what would be a little amount to him on helping me out in a meaningful way. That is not a man who cares about me. I'm glad I "cheated" on him. Yet I couldn't cheat on him because we were never together. What worthless trash he was. 

[Gebidozo]

I’m sorry, but I don’t think that the main problem is your weight. It’s your attitude to men and your view of romantic relationships.

Again, I’m sorry if this offends you, but expecting the man to pay for everything and even buy phones (!) is an instant turn-off and an immediate red flag for me. I don’t want to be used like that. If any woman were treating me like this, I’d break up with her right away. Any woman, absolutely regardless of her looks.

I won’t be a hypocrite and say that looks don’t matter to men. They do. But personality matters much, much more. If my only choice were between a plain-looking, overweight woman with the heart of gold, who is focused on giving and not on getting, and a gorgeous girl who thinks I should be her walking ATM machine, I’d choose the first one without the slightest hesitation.

Edited January 27 by Gebidozo

[noboyfriendnohusband]

And y'know when a man finds a woman attractive, she doesn't even have to ask for anything. He'll just give everything to her with no complaints. Yet all I get are some stingy aholes who keep trying to gaslight me into thinking their stinginess is normal. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

8 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I’m sorry, but I don’t think that the main problem is your weight. It’s your attitude to men and your view of romantic relationships.

Again, I’m sorry if this offends you, but excepting the man to pay for everything and even buy phones (!) is an instant turn-off and an immediate red flag for me. I don’t want to be used like that. If any woman were treating me like this, I’d break up with her right away. Any woman, absolutely regardless of her looks.

I won’t be a hypocrite and say that looks don’t matter to men. They do. But personality matters much, much more. If my only choice were between a plain-looking, overweight woman with the heart of gold, who is focused on giving and not on getting, and a gorgeous girl who thinks I should be her walking ATM machine, I’d choose the first one without the slightest hesitation.

He talks about working overtime. Work this work that. Saving, stocks, retirement accounts, etc. He lives with his family in some tiny ghetto closet. It's not even a real room. It's some ghetto makeshift closet for real. Why does he even work? He's not a provider. He had no right to call me his girlfriend when he's not improving my life. He gambles when his money should've been going to me instead. It's so disgusting. He'd give me some money to gamble with, but not much. Like $10-20 at a time, the most only $100. I'm so embarrassed that I settled for that. Well, I had to because I'm extremely unattractive. But you know what they say, you get what you pay for.

 

 

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

And y'know when a man finds a woman attractive, she doesn't even have to ask for anything. He'll just give everything to her with no complaints.

Absolutely not true.

Especially untrue if the woman in question feels entitled to get free stuff from men. That is an automatic turn-off. Her looks have zero to do with that.

 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

Absolutely not true.

Especially untrue if the woman in question feels entitled to get free stuff from men. That is an automatic turn-off. Her looks have zero to do with that.

 

Okay okay. Fine. I'll believe what you're saying. Let me pretend that what you're saying is true. Then okay. Maybe I'm not asking the right way. Maybe there's a way to ask without "seeming" entitled. That's something I don't know.

[Gebidozo]

36 minutes ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

Lies. You just didn't like her enough. 

Judging by how readily you insult strangers on the internet who are trying to help you, I’m becoming more and more convinced that your excessive weight isn’t your main problem.

You can’t be so aggressive and demanding and entitled and still hope to find a good boyfriend. Be kinder and more giving, and things will change.

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

Okay okay. Fine. I'll believe what you're saying. Let me pretend that what you're saying is true. Then okay. Maybe I'm not asking the right way. Maybe there's a way to ask without "seeming" entitled. That's something I don't know.

Nope. You just stop expecting men to be your walking banks. Stop for real, in your heart, without pretending. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Judging by how readily you insult strangers on the internet who are trying to help you, I’m becoming more and more convinced that your excessive weight isn’t your main problem.

You can’t be so aggressive and demanding and entitled and still hope to find a good boyfriend. Be kinder and more giving, and things will change.

I admit. Maybe you're right. I don't know how to massage male egos which is apparently the missing key here. You're actually right. For real. Not even being sarcastic. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

Well either way the guy who refused to buy me a phone is gone for good now. I really hate it when men want to label it as a relationship when he's providing no relationship benefits other than covering some $40-80 meal now and then. Whoop dee doo. 

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[noboyfriendnohusband]

16 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Nope. You just stop expecting men to be your walking banks. Stop for real, in your heart, without pretending. 

That's how women end up with deadbeats who use them. Men refuse to be providers and call it being used as an ATM as a way to project and deflect. I'm old enough to know better which is why he got dumped. ERRR. Cut off.

[noboyfriendnohusband]

I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better now. No, I've never been loved by a man and I've never loved any man. But at least I have some wisdom. At least I never got knocked up. I'd like to believe there's still hope.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your weignt is not the reason you can't get a man. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

27 minutes ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better now. No, I've never been loved by a man and I've never loved any man. But at least I have some wisdom. At least I never got knocked up. I'd like to believe there's still hope.

Nevermind. Now I'm depressed. I look at my life outcomes and they're terrible. I've never had a man provide for me. Never. I never chose this life. I never wanted it to be this way. I never had a "type" for stingy cheap men. They're just always that way with me. I can choose to walk away, but here I am with nothing. Alone. I either eat out of the garbage or starve. It's time to starve. That'll make men like me more.

[noboyfriendnohusband]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Your weignt is not the reason you can't get a man. 

It is, but whatever. I'm done here. Goodbye.