What do men think about overweight female loners in a romantic/sexual context?

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

I admit. Maybe you're right. I don't know how to massage male egos which is apparently the missing key here. You're actually right. For real. Not even being sarcastic. 

Errr… No. it’s really not about “massaging male egos”, whatever that means. It’s about not objectifying men and treating them like living cash registers.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

I've never loved any man.

That’s exactly the problem. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You dislike and despise men and treat them like objects. By what strange logic do you expect them to like you?

[Maldives]

3 hours ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

Lies. You just didn't like her enough. 

Really, that was my wife at the time. You are incorrect my interest level has nothing to do with what I spend on my partner. Like I said paying for someone constantly is a burden it's hard and hard to maintain long-term. Theres got to be give and take. Sure you help each other out through tough times but not right from the get go when your not even in a relationship but simply dating. Anyway good luck with that update us and let us all know how you went with that approach.

Edited January 27 by Maldives

[introverted1]

11 hours ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

Right now having a guy to support me especially financially would be so helpful since I'm struggling immensely in life. I could never get that. Men are so stingy with me and always tell me no when I ask for things. There was this guy, claiming to be my "boyfriend", who was fully capable of buying me a new phone, yet refused to do so.

This attitude of entitlement is a much bigger turn-off than whatever your body size is.  A boyfriend is meant to be a romantic partner, not your personal ATM. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

Okay, multiple comments about the ATM thing. I think I really don't know how to talk to men, maybe. There's a right and wrong way to do it. Obviously I'm doing it wrong. All I know is that men have no problems spoiling their dream woman and giving her the whole world, to the best of his abilities. Yes, that means FINANCIALLY. Anything less than that, he's not in love. What makes a man not love or "love" a woman? Weight. Appearances. Or when he decides she's the best he could do. I don't know. Whatever it is, I don't have it.

[noboyfriendnohusband]

Men, pretend you saw an overweight woman alone at events or areas where people don't usually go alone such as restaurants and shows, etc. Why do you not approach her? And do you think she's alone because of her weight? (Please don't say you'll think nothing of it)

[noboyfriendnohusband]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

That’s exactly the problem. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You dislike and despise men and treat them like objects. By what strange logic do you expect them to like you?

I can't love someone who doesn't love me, unless it's a family member.

[Will am I]

I think you overemphasize the weight issues. 

You are struggling to manage your weight. And because you struggle, the thing is on top of your mind all the time. But that doesn't mean it's such a big deal for other people. There's lots of men who are into full figured women.

[Gebidozo]

25 minutes ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

All I know is that men have no problems spoiling their dream woman and giving her the whole world, to the best of his abilities. Yes, that means FINANCIALLY. Anything less than that, he's not in love.

This is a very narrow, remarkably outdated, and strangely materialistic view rooted in a primitively patriarchal definition of gender roles and objectification of both men and women.

 

43 minutes ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

What makes a man not love or "love" a woman? Weight. Appearances. Or when he decides she's the best he could do.

No. By far, the most important aspect that engenders attraction or dislike is personality.

 

24 minutes ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

I can't love someone who doesn't love me, unless it's a family member.

If you can’t love a man, why do you expect a man to love you?

 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

7 hours ago, Maldives said:

Really, that was my wife at the time. You are incorrect my interest level has nothing to do with what I spend on my partner. Like I said paying for someone constantly is a burden it's hard and hard to maintain long-term. Theres got to be give and take. Sure you help each other out through tough times but not right from the get go when your not even in a relationship but simply dating. Anyway good luck with that update us and let us all know how you went with that approach.

With men, it's absolutely not give and take. I used to think that. I regret it so deeply. I regret it with all my life and wish I could take it back so so so badly. I wish I could tell every woman in the world this to avoid my mistakes. Never give anything to a man. Men don't appreciate it, and it places him in a taker role. Men don't believe in fairness, they believe in roles. There's a giver role and there's a taker role. Women always want to be in the taker role, once you give a man something, you're permanently placed in that giver role and can never get out. He'll just continue to take take take and never give, and both will be miserable. Men are most happy and satisfied when they're givers. Men will resent women who give them anything. Not just gifts, but also sexual things. I've also found that men hate it when you have sex with them or say sexual things. Men basically want to be rejected then try to conquer the women who rejected them. This is all stuff I learned from experience, not what I read online.

[noboyfriendnohusband]

The reason I can't take new pictures right now is because I have acne that's taking a long time to go away. I'll be back on every dating app by this weekend. I have to continue even if it feels hopeless. There's no other way.

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[noboyfriendnohusband]

32 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

This is a very narrow, remarkably outdated, and strangely materialistic view rooted in a primitively patriarchal definition of gender roles and objectification of both men and women.

 

No. By far, the most important aspect that engenders attraction or dislike is personality.

 

If you can’t love a man, why do you expect a man to love you?

 

Patriarchy is men dating women at no cost to them, while they save their money for their future wives. Patriarchy is men using women for free and giving them nothing or scraps in return. Patriarchy is women not seeing any relationship benefits, and dating being only beneficial to men. That's patriarchy. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

10 minutes ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

The reason I can't take new pictures right now is because I have acne that's taking a long time to go away. I'll be back on every dating app by this weekend. I have to continue even if it feels hopeless. There's no other way.

It's very hard for me to continue, knowing my losing streak. Sometimes I give up when talking to men and abandon conversations on the apps because I just know men don't want me. I'm most likely spending Valentine's Day alone. What I'll do differently this time is, keep going. Even if I have to copy and paste my response in the conversation. Even if I have to use AI to think of a response. Just keep going. Keep talking to many men and going on many dates and hope I find a guy who views me as valuable. I can give up when I meet 100 men IRL, starting the count from 2 years ago. I'm only at 10 and got 90 more men to go.

[Maldives]

Well you seem to know it all so I'll leave you to it 

[NuevoYorko]

Why don't you back off from the rude and frankly obnoxious, self indulgent posts to the people who are trying to help - and give some thought to this question:

What are the things about YOU that make you a good partner and someone that a man would want to share his time, energy and become emotionally vulnerable with?  Perhaps share what resources he may have with?   

What do YOU bring to the table?  So far we know only about your demands and expectations.  

[NuevoYorko]

There would have to be something that drew me to ANY woman I approached at any place.   The only two things you've shared about this hypothetical woman is that she is overweight and sitting alone.   

You seem to be operating on the assumption that most men will approach ANY female human being who is sitting alone except maybe a fat one.   That is very much not the case.  

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

It is, but whatever. I'm done here. Goodbye.

No, I guarantee you it's not. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

Why do you not approach her? And do you think she's alone because of her weight? (Please don't say you'll think nothing of it)

Why bother asking questions if you're trying to dictate the responses? 

 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, noboyfriendnohusband said:

Patriarchy is men dating women at no cost to them, while they save their money for their future wives. Patriarchy is men using women for free and giving them nothing or scraps in return. Patriarchy is women not seeing any relationship benefits, and dating being only beneficial to men. That's patriarchy. 

Are you aware that you're talking to a lot of MEN, and also women here who have personal experience with relationships, love, things that went well or tanked, people that valued them highly and showed it?

Yet, here you are - no relationship experience and no actual realistic knowledge of what goes on in them, telling us all - in a tremendously belligerent way -  the "way it is."

For a woman, you seem to be the world's greatest practitioner of "MANSPLAINING."  

I am a lot older than you and I am in a great relationship with someone I love dearly.   I was also married in the past and that too was a relationship full of depth and love.  I will tell you without a doubt that neither of these relationships (or any of the less serious ones of my life) had anything to do with things like the nonsense you are posting here.  

[NuevoYorko]

There are men who are specifically attracted to big women.   Plenty of these men.   

Since you seem to offer nothing else besides your body to men - you've been clear that you will "give NOTHING," you're going to have to find men who prefer your personal body type.   

Try finding some dating sites for "BBW's" and you can get past this issue.   

The men will appreciate your body type.  Then we'll see how much they enjoy your personality and your far out, entitled attitude.  

You probably will not like the results.

[ExpatInItaly]

Troll alert, guys. 

Don't feed it. 

[NuevoYorko]

12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Troll alert, guys. 

Don't feed it. 

I recognize it.  They've been pretty consistent across all their visits here - except with various usernames.  

I particularly remember them posting  that they catfished guys on OLD and they were not aware of her weight until they met in person.   Not advisable. 

[noboyfriendnohusband]

21 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Are you aware that you're talking to a lot of MEN, and also women here who have personal experience with relationships, love, things that went well or tanked, people that valued them highly and showed it?

Yet, here you are - no relationship experience and no actual realistic knowledge of what goes on in them, telling us all - in a tremendously belligerent way -  the "way it is."

For a woman, you seem to be the world's greatest practitioner of "MANSPLAINING."  

I am a lot older than you and I am in a great relationship with someone I love dearly.   I was also married in the past and that too was a relationship full of depth and love.  I will tell you without a doubt that neither of these relationships (or any of the less serious ones of my life) had anything to do with things like the nonsense you are posting here.  

Well I don't know what works. I know what doesn't work though. Tell me what you love about your woman. I bet it's appearance and her boosting your ego. Boosting a man's ego is something I was never good at. So actually, genuine question. What makes you love her, be honest with yourself. When you answer this, I can answer what "I bring to the table."

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[noboyfriendnohusband]

3 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I recognize it.  They've been pretty consistent across all their visits here - except with various usernames.  

I particularly remember them posting  that they catfished guys on OLD and they were not aware of her weight until they met in person.   Not advisable. 

This is my first account here but to know this is a good thing. It goes to show men will respond the same way and every overweight woman will have the same experience. It goes to show every man is the same and wants the same thing.

Edited January 27 by noboyfriendnohusband

[noboyfriendnohusband]

18 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

There are men who are specifically attracted to big women.   Plenty of these men.   

Since you seem to offer nothing else besides your body to men - you've been clear that you will "give NOTHING," you're going to have to find men who prefer your personal body type.   

Try finding some dating sites for "BBW's" and you can get past this issue.   

The men will appreciate your body type.  Then we'll see how much they enjoy your personality and your far out, entitled attitude.  

You probably will not like the results.

I did try those sites and they're dead.