Ms Spanglish Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 (edited) I left my husband nearly a year ago for VERY valid reasons. His behaviour was controlling and angry. he says he’s changed and we started dating again. He says he knows why we split and that he won’t behave in that way again. He only wants to see me two evenings a month and says he is busy the rest of the time. We are selling the house that we lived in, which is in another country. He has said that we will buy together when the house sells. At present I live with our daughter and would like my own front door. The house money is being split equally in half when it sells. We recently got an offer on the house which was rejected. This brought up a discussion on what we will do if they come back with another offer and it sells. He said he wasn’t going to move back in with me yet and I’d have to put up with that. He had previously told me we would buy when the house sold. He is living in a flat above his brothers shop, £450 a month including bills apart from the council tax. He said he was saving for a new start, but I find that after a year he has less than £5000 according to him, and that money will be going towards a new sports car. He is very flippant about our relationship and can be quite hurtful with words (not swearing but gives the impression that he’s not bothered) In between meetings he rarely contacts me. When we do have contact I initiate it. I told him if he wasn’t moving in with me I would need to put a roof over my own head with my half of the money as I am taking up our daughter and her husband’s bedroom and they are sleeping on a mattress on the floor. No place to put their clothes etc and my things are mostly in expensive storage. He was far from happy about that and said that if that was what I was going to do then he’d come and see our daughter at the weekend but he was planning to take me out (never asked me prior to that) but that we would ‘leave it’ now. I then suggest that we buy a place together but only I live in it until he feels he wants to move in. I would cover all bills up to that point but he’d have a key and could come and go as he pleased, as I have nothing to hide. No answer. I assume he is breaking it off so I ask him. He reads my messages but doesn’t reply so I say ‘ok then bye. Shame’. I then get an immediate message back telling me I’m playing pathetic games. What are your views on this. Edited January 28 by Ms Spanglish Entered missed words 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 (edited) My view is that I can't see why you're dating him again. Why bother dating someone who is so disinterested that he can only spare two evenings a month? Why bother dating someone who is hurtful with his words? Why bother dating someone who wants a sports car instead of a home? Why bother dating someone who rarely initiates contact with you? Why bother dating someone who says you're playing pathetic games? And also, who else is he having sex with on all those nights where he can't make time for you? I wouldn't touch him with a 40ft pole! Take the money from the sale of your house and get yourself a nice little place somewhere. In the meantime, can you find a way to scrape together money for 1br flat to rent on your own? Edited January 28 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ms Spanglish Posted January 28 Author Share Posted January 28 29 minutes ago, basil67 said: My view is that I can't see why you're dating him again. Why bother dating someone who is so disinterested that he can only spare two evenings a month? Why bother dating someone who is hurtful with his words? Why bother dating someone who wants a sports car instead of a home? Why bother dating someone who rarely initiates contact with you? Why bother dating someone who says you're playing pathetic games? And also, who else is he having sex with on all those nights where he can't make time for you? I wouldn't touch him with a 40ft pole! Take the money from the sale of your house and get yourself a nice little place somewhere. In the meantime, can you find a way to scrape together money for 1br flat to rent on your own? I get you. I’m a total fool and I know it. unfortunately I can’t scrape the money together. I’m disabled and also can’t get a guarantor. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 (edited) 11 hours ago, Ms Spanglish said: I get you. I’m a total fool and I know it. unfortunately I can’t scrape the money together. I’m disabled and also can’t get a guarantor. You're not a fool....it sounds more like you're desperate. Will you get enough from the house sale to buy a 1br apartment? Or could you use the money to rent a flat for as long as you can, and then get a council flat when the money runs out? Edited January 28 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ms Spanglish Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 (edited) 15 hours ago, basil67 said: You're not a fool....it sounds more like you're desperate. Will you get enough from the house sale to buy a 1br apartment? Or could you use the money to rent a flat for as long as you can, and then get a council flat when the money runs out? No not desperate, still in love with him. I tried again with someone else but I just couldn’t go there with anyone else. No I won’t really get enough. It’s a house in southern Europe. They are cheap. I mentioned renting a flat to him and he wasn’t happy at all. He said one day he’d like to live together but not yet. When he is ready. Don’t worry about me then, only himself. I’ll probably end up renting with the money for a few years, but once it’s gone it’s gone. He can’t come back later and say we can buy together. Edited January 29 by Ms Spanglish Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 Why are you making self destructive decisions when your entire quality of life is at stake? I mean, if you do what you are saying you'll do, you are likely to end up without a roof over your head after your money runs out. I don't understand. You said you broke up (you "left" him - are you divorced now?) less than a year ago for very good reasons. Is the way your relationship is going - together 2 nights a week, not living together, he is not planning to participate financially in your "marriage" - which doesn't seem like a marriage at all from where I'm sitting. Ok. you feel "LOVE." But how is this going to work? Do you even know? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 On 1/28/2025 at 1:39 PM, Ms Spanglish said: I get you. I’m a total fool and I know it. unfortunately I can’t scrape the money together. I’m disabled and also can’t get a guarantor. @Ms Spanglish, I think the best thing for you to do at this point is to ask yourself what you would do if your husband had moved on or if, God forbid, he had passed away. Trying to build a life with him would not have been an option. You would have been forced to look for other solutions. So do just that. Do what you can to find out what the full range of options available to you is. And then choose the best one that does not involve him. Are there NGOs/non-profits/social workers that offer assistance to people in your situation? Are there online or offline resources available to people like you? Ask around, do internet searches, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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