Dating but he doesn't initiate contact - casual thing

[L230]

Hey! I (28F) am dating a guy (30M) for almost 2 months now. We have been dated 8 times. It's good chemistry, very sweet and affectionate, in public as well. The first 2 weeks of dating we were both initiating contact, it was more equal. We were not texting everyday, but I didn't mind, I realised that he was mainly texting to plan our date and he was responsive when I was texting him. TBH I don't like texting that much, I run a lot of projects and I am not the best texter, so I was guessing that this was his style too, because he has a full day as well (working and studying etc). 

The thing is that as the dates continued and the situation between us became more regular, I was the one who started the conversation, but we both suggested dates. I discussed it with him and he said he doesn't like to text, it's something that's stressing him out in his day-to-day life and he's generally in a phase where he wants something casual, not a relationship, because of his work priorities. I was ok with the casual thing, because my life is kind of chaotic at the moment professionally, but I end up being the one to initiate contact (most of the time), so I was thinking that he might lose his interest. I text once a week to catch up and we arrange our dates. I've relaxed because I understand that this is his style and generally in person it's like nothing has changed, great communication, plans for future dates and activities. We are also exclusive right now (he has also deleted his dating profile - I dont know if it is important).

However, I am still a bit anxious, because even in my previous situationships or casual datings, it was more equal and I have always had the idea that "if someone is interested he is texting". I don't know.

I guess it's normal since it's a casual thing, but I would like your opinion.

 

Edited Wednesday at 07:10 PM by L230

[ShyViolet]

7 minutes ago, L230 said:

he said he doesn't like to text, it's something that's stressing him out in his day-to-day life and he's generally in a phase where he wants something casual, not a relationship, because of his work priorities.

Well here it is, he told you he doesn't want an actual relationship.  There is nothing to guess about, he's made it pretty clear.  When someone is really interested in you, they contact you regularly.  It sounds like he is very low interest and you are not high on his list of priorities.  You say that you are ok with something casual, but then you say that you are getting anxious about his level of interest.  You are kind of contradicting yourself.  This sounds very casual.  If you are ok with that, there's nothing wrong with continuing to see him.  But don't get your hopes up about this guy.

[Gaeta]

Of course he's not interested, he told you so. He wants someone to go out with, have sex with, rinse & repeat the following week. He does not want the flafla of a relationship like keeping in touch.

Women always think they can do casual then they get dissapointed when the guy does not act like a boyfriend. Just be honest with yourself. Yes you can be busy but you want more than casual. You want someone that will actually care and take an interest in you. Busy people do have relationships.

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, L230 said:

 I have always had the idea that "if someone is interested he is texting". 

 

Quote

I don't like texting that much, I run a lot of projects and I am not the best texter

Which is it?   

If you need somebody texting you all the time to "prove" that he's interested, you need to be in a different relationship.  

This is supposed to be casual, according to you.   He's obviously interested enough to keep going on dates.  Are you looking for more?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you are playing mind games with yourself. 

You say casual is fine and that you don't like texting much anyway, but you seem quite anxious and wanting more. The latter isn't wrong, but it's not really lining up with what you say is okay for you. Are you sure casual is all you want? 

If you are indeed hoping to find a boyfriend, you already know this isn't your guy. He's told you he doesn't want that. I personally wouldn't be too interested in trying to keep something casual afloat all by myself, so this situation wouldn't work for me. I would want some reciprocity there.  If he's not reaching out and not really initiating, he's not that interested, OP. 

[smackie9]

You are liking him more than just casual. Better just cut ties before your feelings for him get too much.