Very odd first date that did not go well. What do you make of it?

[max3732]

Matched with this woman on a dating app who grew up around where I live, but lived a few hours away. She told me she may move back to my area, which she did. We messaged for a while (months) as we were both traveling and she was moving and then both of us got colds.

Finally we met up and I wanted to keep it simple so suggested something after work so just ice cream and then walking around a park. I get there 10 minutes early, asked her to let me know when she parks and she gets there 10 minutes late. I sat in my car looking at the ice cream place waiting and she parks, goes inside and lets me know she's there.

When I walk in she's already tried 1 flavor and complained very loudly she didn't care for it and then turned around as I walked in and I gave her a hug and said I liked her coat. She then tried another 5 or so and said she didn't like them. I ordered mine right away and then she got one and I paid for both. As we were there she asked if I go there a lot and we just kind of talked about the place and she took a picture of ice cream for some reason.

Outside I suggested sitting at the bench, but she said she likes to have a place for her ice cream so wanted to sit at the place for another restaurant and I normally don't like to take their table, but thought it would be ok.

The 1st thing she says is she normally doesn't eat this late (7:30) and stops eating at 4:30 and likes to be in bed by 9pm. Also she's not only been sick with a cold, but had a bunch of other ailments (I won't list them all here). Besides that January has been a very long month for her and is glad it's finally over.

She also said she doesn't normally meet guys off a dating app, but liked our conversation so she'd make an exception and meet me, but likes to start off as friends first. I replied that I should then cancel the flight to Vegas and wedding and we started talking about Vegas for a bit and she asked basic questions (family, some hobbies, etc). Then the place said they were closing and needed the table so I suggested we go burn off the calories and walk around the park a bit. 

As we're walking there she says she doesn't feel safe because it's dark there so I said we could cross the street to where there's more light and there's plenty of light in the park. After we cross the street she says she's not feeling well since she normally doesn't eat this late and feels sick so I suggested we go back and sit down. Then she asks me about a trip I took a few months ago and she had an odd look and feel about her as I was talking and I felt a bit weird and my mind went blank trying to remember some details. 

Finally she says something like "can we continue this conversation later? I don't normally go anywhere at night and made an exception to finally meet you and put a face beyond the profile pictures to you" and I said sure.

When I get home I saw the following message "I think so many things have happened that show me this simply isn't meant to be. I wish you all the best though. Thank you for meeting"

On the one I hand I was celebrating not getting the "You're a wonderful, smart, athletic, awesome guy, but I didn't feel a romantic connection" message, but on the other I don't understand the line "so many things have happened...". It felt like the whole time she was complaining about something or doing the rapid fire questions and whenever I tried to ask her something she'd deflect and ask me something else. I didn't know how much to press her on things like health issues and didn't really feel like I had much of a chance to get to show much of my personality and found hers to be rather odd with the complaining about the ice cream, so her ailments and just the way she peppered me with questions and wouldn't say much about herself.

On these dates I also invariably talk a lot about some hobby I've currently doing and hope they don't get the impression that's all I do. 

The whole date lasted about 20 minutes or so and feel like the not feeling well was an obvious excuse to leave, but then again when I suggested 8pm beforehand she said that was too late. I just don't know what to do in dates going forward.

[Sony12]

Neither of you seemed to feel anything. No big deal. All you did was get a couple ice cream cones. Does seem a bit odd though that you would suggest getting ice cream in the middle of winter.

Next time just mention getting a coffee or something.

[max3732]

6 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Neither of you seemed to feel anything. No big deal. All you did was get a couple ice cream cones. Does seem a bit odd though that you would suggest getting ice cream in the middle of winter.

Next time just mention getting a coffee or something.

Where I am it's rather warm even though it's winter. 

I just don't understand how you can get to know someone in under 20 minutes like that

[ExpatInItaly]

It doesn't sound like she really wanted to be there in the first place, and had already decided she wasn't going to stick around. 

Don't waste more time on her. Just cut all communication and keep on truckin'. 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, max3732 said:

Where I am it's rather warm even though it's winter. 

I just don't understand how you can get to know someone in under 20 minutes like that

People generally know within moments of they are attracted to each other or not. Neither one of you seemed to be into the meeting at all so twenty minutes is more than enough time to decide if you'd want to go out on a legitimate date 

[Sony12]

And when people say they don't usually meet anyone that's usually a sign that they aren't going to be willing to put much effort into an official meeting.

[basil67]

If I dated a man who behaved like she did, there would be no second date.   

[Gaeta]

Thank goodness she was not interested in meeting again!! What could possibly interest you in someone so limited, pretentious, difficult, shallow, uninteresting, boring.

[basil67]

@max3732 Thinking further, the thing I find most alarming in your thread is that instead of opening with "I had a terrible date last night, I certainly won't be seeing her again!", you are trying to work out what to do next time.    

Why exactly do you want to see her again?   Is it an act of desperation?   

Edited January 30 by basil67

[max3732]

44 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Thank goodness she was not interested in meeting again!! What could possibly interest you in someone so limited, pretentious, difficult, shallow, uninteresting, boring.

I have no interest in seeing her again. Her profile sounded interesting and our early communication was also fun and she lives very close to me, which is extremely rare. I felt a bit annoyed that things were so awkward and found her message to be rather confusing.

41 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@max3732 Thinking further, the thing I find most alarming in your thread is that instead of opening with "I had a terrible date last night, I certainly won't be seeing her again!", you are trying to work out what to do next time.    

Why exactly do you want to see her again?   Is it an act of desperation?   

The subject was "did not go well" and I thought from everything that happened it was obvious I don't want to see her again. I messaged her back something along the lines of "hope you feel better get your issues sorted out. Best of luck to you"

[basil67]

1 minute ago, max3732 said:

I have no interest in seeing her again. Her profile sounded interesting and our early communication was also fun and she lives very close to me, which is extremely rare. I felt a bit annoyed that things were so awkward and found her message to be rather confusing.

The subject was "did not go well" and I thought from everything that happened it was obvious I don't want to see her again. I messaged her back something along the lines of "hope you feel better get your issues sorted out. Best of luck to you"

Your final comment was " I just don't know what to do in dates going forward".    Was this not about her?  

[max3732]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Your final comment was " I just don't know what to do in dates going forward".    Was this not about her?  

I can see how my final comment could have been confusing.

It was about 1st dates in general if there's something I can learn from this going forward. 

[Els]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

I just don't understand how you can get to know someone in under 20 minutes like that

Of course you can. You also decided in 20 minutes that you didn't like her, right?

Generally I find that a 100% "no" takes a lot less than 20 minutes. "Yes" or "maybe" takes a bit longer, though. In this case it just sounds like you two aren't right for each other, so bullet dodged?

I do know quite a few people who consider 7pm way too "late" to be out doing anything and would be grumpy if they were asked to, lol. So people like that do exist, I guess. I wouldn't date someone like that, but I'm sure they'd think the same about me if they asked me to hang out at 6am and I accepted for whatever reason (which they actually do, but I don't).

 

[Gebidozo]

Well, to me, such a first date would mean one thing - no second date.

If I got such a message from the woman after such a date, I’d be relieved that she was quicker than me to state the obvious and break it off.

I don’t know why you’re worried, it’s clear anyway that there was no mutual chemistry whatsoever between the two of you.

To me personally, a bare minimum on the first date is a nice conversation that sparks further interest and ignites stronger sympathy. If this doesn’t happen, I’m not even interested to know why she didn’t like me.

The bottom line is, people have all sorts of reasons not to like someone else. Trying to figure them all out will drive you crazy. You should simply move on without dwelling on that.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

I can see how my final comment could have been confusing.

It was about 1st dates in general if there's something I can learn from this going forward. 

For starters, when person acts appallingly on a first date, don't be bothered that you didn't get to show more of your personality.  Just be grateful that they saved you the effort of ending it.

And learn that 20 mins can be more than enough time to know if you want to see them again.  If a guy acted like this in an ice cream parlor, I would have eaten the ice cream then  invented an emergency and left.  

[smackie9]

OMG just next that complaining high maintenance B&*^%. She is so damn rude, and ya she's got unmaintained mental issues. You dodged a bullet my friend.  

[smackie9]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

For starters, when person acts appallingly on a first date, don't be bothered that you didn't get to show more of your personality.  Just be grateful that they saved you the effort of ending it.

And learn that 20 mins can be more than enough time to know if you want to see them again.  If a guy acted like this in an ice cream parlor, I would have eaten the ice cream then  invented an emergency and left.  

This^^^But I would have left with my ice cream. 

[max3732]

18 hours ago, basil67 said:

For starters, when person acts appallingly on a first date, don't be bothered that you didn't get to show more of your personality.  Just be grateful that they saved you the effort of ending it.

And learn that 20 mins can be more than enough time to know if you want to see them again.  If a guy acted like this in an ice cream parlor, I would have eaten the ice cream then  invented an emergency and left.  

Funny thing is I was very excited about her from the chat. Not sure how to explain it, but her mannerism was sort of like somewhat in a play or something. I recall meeting 1 other woman who had similar mannerisms (but was not as rude).

5 hours ago, smackie9 said:

OMG just next that complaining high maintenance B&*^%. She is so damn rude, and ya she's got unmaintained mental issues. You dodged a bullet my friend.  

Last night I had a nightmare about walking in that park and that she stabbed me. Maybe that's my mind telling me she's trouble

I think I was almost in a mental shock the whole time over what she was saying and what was happening. When I'm around an attractive woman my normal reasoning tends to shut down, but I could tell something wasn't right.

Unfortunately now I don't have any more prospects 

[NuevoYorko]

She sounds like a real chore.  

[basil67]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Funny thing is I was very excited about her from the chat. Not sure how to explain it, but her mannerism was sort of like somewhat in a play or something.

It's not uncommon to have high hopes and be disappointed in real life.  Try to manage your expectations

[basil67]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Unfortunately now I don't have any more prospects 

I guess this means that the woman you didn't kiss isn't interested in seeing you again....

[max3732]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I guess this means that the woman you didn't kiss isn't interested in seeing you again....

That's such a long shot I didn't even consider it. We're still in contact so I guess that counts. There's no one local that I'm chatting with on any dating apps

[Calmandfocused]

The biggest learning point here is that you should not spend months investing in “chatting” to someone before meeting them. You’ve wasted a lot of time and investment for nothing. 
 

This woman is clearly very strange, and incredibly rude. Who cares what she thinks about you? The point is you’ve had a lucky escape. If she was interested in you my advice would have been to run a mile. 
 

One and done dates are common. Brush yourself off and move on. 
 

 

Edited February 1 by Calmandfocused
Spelling

[basil67]

On 2/1/2025 at 10:36 AM, max3732 said:

That's such a long shot I didn't even consider it. We're still in contact so I guess that counts. There's no one local that I'm chatting with on any dating apps

Do you want a long distance relationship?   I can't imagine that it would be very fulfilling

Edited February 2 by basil67

[ShyViolet]

She sounds like a very weird, negative and unpleasant person to be around.  Why do you even care that she texted you that she wasn't interested in a second date?  It's for the best that you won't be seeing her again.  She did you a favor by cutting it off quickly.