LN8840K Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 why is the 2 week mark such a hard time for no contact and why is this when people break down ? 2 weeks, I think is when your mind trys to signal you " hey my friend, your ex does not give a crap about you " time to move on but your heart comes up with a thousand reasons why they have not called except the only one that makes sense " they don't give a crap " so you call your ex and guess what " they dont give a crap " and guess what happens in another 2 weeks you guessed it, again your mind trys to convince you " they don't give a crap " some people can let go at this point others go for another ride on the merry go round ..... you can speed the healing process by thinking ... if they cared they would be with me and if they dont give a crap why should I, so im going to meet someone who does care ..... i know easier said then done Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Your heart interfering with your brain is the reason most people continue to break NC. Your ex cares about you, but not the way you'd like. They've accepted the relationship is over and rather than torment you, they try and not contact you. We should be doing the same. Nothing, absolutely nothing is to be gained by jumping on and clinging to someone that doesn't want to be with you. In fact, all that does is push them further away. And on top of that we give them all the power when we do that. People with health self-respect and self-esteem know that when a relationship ends, they need to do some reflection on the relationship, what THEY did wrong and work on improving where they can. Above all you have to let go, of this relationship and anything else bothering you. The past is the past, nothing you can do will change it. Just accept that it is what it is and move on. Learn from your mistakes, yes, but do not live in the past. You have to let go. "There is no try, only do or do not" to quote the wise philosopher, Yoda You'll find life is much better when you've let it go and focused on yourself. You take control of your life back and one day you'll find someone even better than your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 its been 7 days going on 8 and no contact. i wish to god she would call me but its so F'd up that im holding on to this hope. the faster i let go of it, the faster i knwo i will heal. what the F man. i want to move on so bad but its so hard holding on to this little thread that tells me that she will call. that maybe she will regret her decision and come back. why do i do this and torture myself. i wish i could start getting to that angry phase and just be angry with her. but she really did try to make things work out. its i who didnt see the signs and didnt giver her enough space. what the F man. i never begged her to come back. i never negotiated with her. and at least i have my dignity, but s***!!!! why doesnt she call me to at least see what the F is up! Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 why is the 2 week mark such a hard time for no contact and why is this when people break down ? 2 weeks, I think is when your mind trys to signal you " hey my friend, your ex does not give a crap about you " time to move on but your heart comes up with a thousand reasons why they have not called except the only one that makes sense " they don't give a crap " so you call your ex and guess what " they dont give a crap " and guess what happens in another 2 weeks you guessed it, again your mind trys to convince you " they don't give a crap " some people can let go at this point others go for another ride on the merry go round ..... you can speed the healing process by thinking ... if they cared they would be with me and if they dont give a crap why should I, so im going to meet someone who does care ..... i know easier said then done That looks all great when you write it, but have you read many threads here on LS. When people who've been in love have had their heart brokens, it's going to take waaaaaay longer period than you can plan ahead in recovering. You can tell yourself a zillion times why should I give a crap about them if they don't give a crap about me, and I'm going to meet someone who loves me, but the heart decides when it heals. You can help yourself by not contacting your ex, but that doesn't just get you completely out of the hellish zone of feeling like S*** for a while. It's an unpredictable range of emotions that you'll encounter as you recover as you move on...that's part of the journey. Link to post Share on other sites
lauraandbrats Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 been there best to give up may b hurts more trying let them contact u Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 the heart decides when it heals So very very true. I am on week two of NC. My ex doesn't care. I do but right now the head is dominating the argument with my heart. I don't even think my heart really wants him to contact me. If he did, I would not answer. Still hurts though. O well, I will get over it someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Ezydriver Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 it's going to take waaaaaay longer period than you can plan ahead in recovering. You can tell yourself a zillion times why should I give a crap about them if they don't give a crap about me, and I'm going to meet someone who loves me, but the heart decides when it heals. You can help yourself by not contacting your ex, but that doesn't just get you completely out of the hellish zone of feeling like S*** for a while. It's an unpredictable range of emotions that you'll encounter as you recover as you move on...that's part of the journey. This is put into perspective well, I can't believe the range of emotions I went through, emotions I didn't even know existed, things happened to me that never happened before (panic attacks etc...) The last two days I feel completely different, after 3 days of the most chronic depression known to mankind, real anguish, migraines etc I woke up yesterday to find that I felt like a massive weight was gone, I felt back to my old self for the first time in 2 months, I'm not over it, but this is the beginning, the bad stuff is behind me now (largely anyway, I hope) I've gone 2 days with no tears, the first since Nov 17th. This is what happens, and it will to you, there will be a day, probably after a few unusually bad ones, which I think are your emotions giving one last big push to get out, that you'll wake up, you'll feel unusually refreshed, almost like your ex doesn't really matter anymore, you'll be laughing again, and get distracted with life again. Its a very liberating feeling, and as I say, I've only been feeling it for 2 days after 2 months of pure hell. Still got a way to go to be completely over it though. Trust me, you just change one day, its like a lightbulb moment. Steve. Link to post Share on other sites
oss91 Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 My ex cares about me, I know that. We may get back together later on down the road, but then again I'm not holding my breath, nor do I really care anymore if we do or not. Just in the past couple of days I have come to the realization that I need to quit acting like a pussy and start being a man again. I, quite frankly, don't care what she's up to right now. It is not my concern, nor is it her business to know what I've been up to lately. God it is such a relief to feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 In my case, she's not calling because I told her not to. I have no idea how she actually feels and I doubt she does either. I keep telling myself that she is leading the life she wants to lead and I should do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 My ex cares about me, I know that. We may get back together later on down the road, but then again I'm not holding my breath, nor do I really care anymore if we do or not. Just in the past couple of days I have come to the realization that I need to quit acting like a pussy and start being a man again. I, quite frankly, don't care what she's up to right now. It is not my concern, nor is it her business to know what I've been up to lately. God it is such a relief to feel this way. That's what helped me forget about the ex and move on. I was basically co-dependent with her. When I realized I wasn't being much of a man (and not only unattractive to her, but other women as well) I decided to make a change. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It certainly helped me see myself for who I was and helped me be more of a man Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 This is put into perspective well, I can't believe the range of emotions I went through, emotions I didn't even know existed, things happened to me that never happened before (panic attacks etc...) The last two days I feel completely different, after 3 days of the most chronic depression known to mankind, real anguish, migraines etc I woke up yesterday to find that I felt like a massive weight was gone, I felt back to my old self for the first time in 2 months, I'm not over it, but this is the beginning, the bad stuff is behind me now (largely anyway, I hope) I've gone 2 days with no tears, the first since Nov 17th. This is what happens, and it will to you, there will be a day, probably after a few unusually bad ones, which I think are your emotions giving one last big push to get out, that you'll wake up, you'll feel unusually refreshed, almost like your ex doesn't really matter anymore, you'll be laughing again, and get distracted with life again. Its a very liberating feeling, and as I say, I've only been feeling it for 2 days after 2 months of pure hell. Still got a way to go to be completely over it though. Trust me, you just change one day, its like a lightbulb moment. Steve. That's so great for you! But be prepared for the occasional set back: as quickly as you felt relief, you can and very likely will feel like sh*t again...it happens. Only you'll know that the worst is over and those little bouts of misery will be over soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Ezydriver Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 LexiB, Yes, its been a few more days now, I cried once last week, so thats once since I've been 'liberated'. I used to cry 5 times a day or more, for 2 months! However, I do still have moments, they're no longer waves but certainly are ripples, sentimental ripples. Can't wait until they're blips and then not even that. I am no way as bad as I was, I am suprised at how long this is taking though, it has been the hardest breakup of mine EVER, 5 times as hard as any other. Strange that. Steve. Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Yup. Its been 2 weeks since our breakup. It's so amazingly hard to resist from calling her. and that hope, it just stays. if a female hasn't tried to contact you for 2 weeks, shes pretty resolute about the break up right? especially if they said that they lost feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LN8840K Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 if a female hasn't tried to contact you for 2 weeks, shes pretty resolute about the break up right? especially if they said that they lost feeling? I would say it's not a good sign, however you never know what someone else is thinking ... day 15 here chief, so don't feel like the lone ranger Link to post Share on other sites
fooled Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Day 7 for me. I still never want to talk to her again. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 You guys, it's a major step for you to be doing NC, but try not to approach it each day like you were doing time in breakup recovery jail...it's your perspective that you may need to start working on now...NC is your time for assessing about you. What is it that you want from a relationship..what do you deserve..you already know what you had. So see how this period of NC is working on your behalf. You are feeling anxiety as the days go by because you look at it as a waiting till you get over the mountain. It's more than that..it's about looking at that mountain and coming up with new ways to get over it. A challenge like Mt. Everest. And we know how many have tried to tackle Everest and failed as well. But the ones who keep at it feel euphoric once they reach the peak...because it was a thrill to go at it and know the could do it. That's how f**k-ing hard NC is. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 It's more than that..it's about looking at that mountain and coming up with new ways to get over it. A challenge like Mt. Everest. And we know how many have tried to tackle Everest and failed as well. But the ones who keep at it feel euphoric once they reach the peak...because it was a thrill to go at it and know the could do it. That's how f**k-ing hard NC is. A f***ing men! Day 20. Its getting a little easier. It still sucks but school is starting tomorrow so I will have another healthy distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
jacked17 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I went through a lot of the same stuff. I was really scaring my parents with the absolute rage I could feel for another person for absolutely just leading me on and treating me like I was so insignificant. It brought out so many emotions in me that I didn't even know existed. I still feel real sad some days other days i'll be as happy as can be. It's like fighting a battle every single day that you slowly start to win. Link to post Share on other sites
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