gingerams Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 On a second date, I complimented a lady, by saying "thank you for making so much effort for me" (with reference to her appearance). She told 3 days later it was a ikk comment. It was the 'for me' part that made it ikk. What do you think on such a comment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 On a second date, I complimented a lady, by saying "thank you for making so much effort for me" (with reference to her appearance). She told 3 days later it was a ikk comment. It was the 'for me' part that made it ikk. What do you think on such a comment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 Thoughts welcomed.... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 Do you mean "ick"? LIke, "yucky"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 (edited) meaning of 'ikk' is a romantic turn-off Edited January 31 by gingerams Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 (edited) I've got it - your comment gave her the icks If you want to compliment a woman, don't make it about you. Simply tell her she looks lovely Edited January 31 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: I've got it - your comment gave her the icks If you want to compliment a woman, don't make it about you. Simply tell her she looks lovely So it was wrong to say 'for me'.... Got it... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 11 minutes ago, gingerams said: So it was wrong to say 'for me'.... Got it... I also wouldn't have made the comment about "making so much effort". After all, this could well be her normal appearance when she goes out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 She sounds rather petty and not into you. But yes, never add "to me" about appearance. If she cooks you a meal then you can say for ME 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 You said “thanks for the effort”, as though without the effort she’d look plain. You said “for me”, as though she wasn’t allowed to put on makeup and nice clothes just to feel good. I know you probably didn’t mean those, but dude… this is Talking To Ladies 101. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Will you be seeing her again? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Like others said, in future, just tell a woman she looks beautiful. Suggesting she made the effort for you implies that you have an oversized ego and think you're the center of the universe (her universe). Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted February 1 Author Share Posted February 1 13 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Will you be seeing her again? Thank you all for all your comments. They were really helpful. I think there are a couple of things to note. Firstly I should not be allowed to talk to women without supervision. Secondly, I was clearly wrong, I thought it would have been sweet but little did I know... I have no clue. The third point is I think I will be using this forum a lot more! I like this lass a fair bit and I'm pretty sure I'm going to make a few more blunders! To NuevoYorkos question... I hope so! She's so lovely.... she has slightly chubby ankles but apart from that she's perfect👌 . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 2 hours ago, gingerams said: she has slightly chubby ankles but apart from that she's perfect Oh boy! Yes you need help. Please don't tell her that! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted February 1 Author Share Posted February 1 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Oh boy! Yes you need help. Please don't tell her that! Absolutely agree!!! I hope she doesn't ever read these posts!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 2 hours ago, gingerams said: She's so lovely.... she has slightly chubby ankles but apart from that she's perfect Ooookaaay.... So, I can understand you putting your foot in your mouth when talking to her directly. Sometimes there just isn't time to check what we say before we say it, especially if it's been a long day and the brain is mush. But you TYPED this post. You had every opportunity to read what you were about to hit "submit reply" on beforehand... and you somehow thought that this was an OK thing to say??? Yeah, dude, you need help. Preferably from a therapist, because I think you're a bit above our pay grade. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted February 1 Author Share Posted February 1 I think i think I have to admit I have a personal issue. I like large ladies, especially size 22 and above. I appreciate your reply Els. Anyone you can recommend who can help me? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 (edited) xxx Edited February 2 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 It sounds like a back-handed compliment. "Thanks for putting in so much effort".... that is just a weird thing to say. It's like saying she needs to put in a lot of effort in order to look good. If you want to compliment her appearance just tell her she looks amazing, she looks great, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 Understood... I clearly am not experienced in these matters. I'm lucky enough to be meeting her tonight. I'll make sure to compliment her properly. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted Tuesday at 08:11 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 08:11 PM (edited) That's just as bad as saying "and yes the little lady will have a white wine...." and then ordering for her. This happened to me in the 80's and I found it repulsive then lol. Anywho she obviously went out of her way to look good for you so cherish that fact...and say nothing more about it. Edited Tuesday at 08:12 PM by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Tuesday at 08:26 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 08:26 PM 7 hours ago, gingerams said: Understood... I clearly am not experienced in these matters. I'm lucky enough to be meeting her tonight. I'll make sure to compliment her properly. Please don't mention her looks, especially after last time. Try "I really enjoyed your company" or if you both choose a spicy curry, say "it's great to find someone who's also an adventurous eater" or if she's showing you photos on her phone "you've really got a good eye" While compliments on someone's looks can be nice, doing it wrong or too often could backfire and make them feel objectified. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonicetea Posted Wednesday at 02:08 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 02:08 AM I know you mean well but you made it sound like she had to try hard to look good, and she was only doing it for you. Maybe next time just don’t compliment her appearance. Compliment her on something like her hobbies or career. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gingerams Posted Wednesday at 02:21 PM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 02:21 PM (edited) Okay, and update, I had my third date with this lady. It went beyond well. So, on the second date, I told her I really love all her accessories, all the hand jewellery items. On the third date she worn so many amazing accessories... so I did what any clueless goof would do... I cracked a joke and said .... you look lovely, and thank you for making so much effort 'for me' ... ❤️ I think it worked She confirmed she did wear them for me... 😉 still got it. There was me doubting myself. I'd like to thank my mother and father for their continued support, I'd like to thank my friends for their belief in me. I'd like to thank my my neighbours for living next to me. Edited Wednesday at 02:21 PM by gingerams Link to post Share on other sites
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