JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I can't even believe I'm posting this but it's been a rough day and I'm probably not thinking straight. Everyone on this site b!tches and moans about their ex's calling them and what to do and should they answer blah blah blah. My ex has not tried to contact me once since the week after we broke up. I emailed him a couple of times after we broke up and he responded. Once I realized he didn't really want to stay friends I stopped emailing him and I never heard from him again. How the f*** does someone do that? How do you just not give a s*** about someone that you spent all of that time with? I just can't understand it. I realize that was more of a rant but I think my question is legit. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Well I'm kind of in your ex's situation. There was a lot of drama with my last gf at the end of our relationship about a year ago. We had a fight on the phone and then emailed a lot the next day but then I never responded to her last email and that's the last time we ever had any contact. To answer your questions, I don't think it really has anything to do with not giving a s*** about you. I still cared about my ex but that wasn't what fueled my decision to stop contact. It was more of a matter of being angry and hurt and protecting myself. At that point I just wanted to move on and not subject myself to further torment. I guess it's kind of an emotional survival instinct that outweighs the desire to remain in contact. Plus, given that she was my ex and so deceptive towards me, there was nothing really to be gained by continued communication. I tend to have little to no contact with exes once we break up. I'm sure I'm not the only guy like this so maybe it might be similar to why you haven't heard from your ex (well, the emotional distancing part, not that you necessarily f*cked him over ). Link to post Share on other sites
LN8840K Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I feel your pain ...it's been a rough day for me as well........... but i think tomorrow will be easier .... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I like TB's post... Also consider that they are really avoiding dealing with the issues that broke you up.. Some people just run and hide instead of facing things head on Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 Yeah but HE dumped ME and he's still in a relationship (as of the last time I heard about him which was last month) with the girl he left me for! He was far from angry and hurt. I don't think there's need for a lot of contact but I would think that maybe once would have made me feel like less of a s*** for being in that relationship. I think he's just careless and cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Maybe he thinks you wouldn't want to hear from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 Maybe he thinks you wouldn't want to hear from him. Quite possible. He is the biggest freakin coward on the face of the earth. >>>> <<<<< I can't possibly figure out what would make you say that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Quite possible. He is the biggest freakin coward on the face of the earth. >>>> <<<<< I agree.... What an Assclown.. (to borrow Merins term ) Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 He is too busy with the new girl .... You watch him call you when she kicks his ass to the curb! SOME men (dont bitch me out, I said SOME) think with their dicks and, baby he will come around and you will get your call some day - let's hope that you have moved on by then - Watch this space and be strong cos I felt like crap for contacting my ex yesterday! It isnt worth it! Today you may feel bad babe but tomorrow is another day! You are a babe and HE is the one missing out! GIRL POWER!!!!!!!!!! hahahhahaha ps ....... I am great at dishing out the advice, shame I didnt ask you all foor advice BEFORE I contacted him lol Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Plus JS you have a cat the size of a man so when you feel lonely give that big beast a cuddle - At least it wont answer you back and take over the remote control watching Sky Sports! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 She's not a new girl, they've been together for a year...as of today He and this girl are not breaking up and she's about 10 times more of a babe than I am. He's definitely not the kind of guy who thinks with his little head and even if he was he knows me well enough to know that he will never find himself in my bed again. I told him once he made the decision there was no going back and I wasn't sure I would be able to be friends because I don't usually do that. Then I cowtowed and told him that I did want to be friends but he certainly wasn't acting like one. I will never initiate a call or email. I was prepared to be friends after some time passed but I realize that he just never gave a s*** about me. I was so stupid and I believed all of his nonsense. If he cared at all I would have heard from him by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Oh darling I am so feeling for you! I dont think I could say anything to make you feel better other than one day he will be a distant memory - But I know that how you are feeling now that does not help you one bit! Sorry babe Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 she's about 10 times more of a babe than I am. Not possible.. you are a 10 already... Remember that she gets the guy that treated you like shiot.. that means she will get treated like shiot. Link to post Share on other sites
brooke7777 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 JS...it's heart wrenching when they don't make any contact. It's like you sit there and hope that they will contact and then they don't. I have remained in contact with my ex here and there and I am always the one who initiates things. It's so freakin frustrating. I just wish he would be the one to put forth an effort sometimes and then I cave and contact him. I know, I know, I should be doing NC...but I just can't get myself to do it. I've made it as long as 5 weeks (or around that long) but somehow I am always compelled to reinitiate contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 Thanks guys. I'm just feeling like s*** today and it really hurts to know that you put so much into someone who just never cared about you. Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I don't know if what I'm about to say is going to make you feel any better but here goes..... I have an ex that I've been broken up with for approx 2.5 years and out of the blue a couple months ago, he called me at work. He'd been in a relationship with someone for a year and a half and felt it necessary to come to me to talk about everything that had transpired through out the course of our relationship up until the bitter end. Not to give false anything here but my point is....never say never. I'm fairly certain that if that day comes you'll either be so over him or disgusted with everything that happened that you'll wonder what all your suffering was about in the first place. Stranger things have been known to happen JS. I also must say that whether or not you hear from the ex; it's the same rejection...only, when you hear from them seems to serve as another swing at the nail into the coffin (unless they're asking for another try) It's really a double edged sword. Hence the birth of NC, I suppose. Other than that....I think your other replies are highly probable I sincerely hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Sometimes I wish I would hear from my ex also, since she has not contacted me ever since (2+months now)... On the other hand, I know exactly how it's gonna sound: Im with someone else, happy, going on with my life, how about you? It hurts seeing that someone who you thought cared about you can just turn off the switch on you, but then again why should you care for someone who does not really care about you? For me, I kinda know she is with this MD guy through common friends and all that, and I am content with the fact that she is not rubbing it in my face. One day maybe, we'll be able to talk like normal people, maybe not. If they are good people, they'll come around the block one more time. Tomorrow is always a better day, and it's too early on in this year to have drama! Cheer up JS! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 RE: JS17: "My ex has not tried to contact me once since the week after we broke up." JS17: "..he knows me well enough to know that he will never find himself in my bed again. I told him once he made the decision there was no going back..." Perhaps, the above is is some of the reason he's chosen not to contact you. I also note that you say he is a weak or cowardly character. He believes you are too strong to give in to any of his pleas for reconciling and sees it as useless. Plus, I also agree with some of the posts to you: he may be preoccupied in the company of someone else. He sees no reason not to move on. I gather that, what's bothering you most, is the fact you invested time together and believed his romantic emotions were as involved as yours. You want him to make a 'manly' display and suddenly overcome his cowardly nature, jump over all the hurdles, blockades, and barricades you have purposely put up in all the necessary places to thwart all but the man who should be 'hero, and make an Olympic dash over the wall of barbed wire, finally crashing gallantly through your rock fortress just to prove he had at least some feeling for you, -but only to perhaps be, even then- rejected. We cannot make it impossible for them to reach for us if we truly want to be touched. Still, I know where you are coming from...it's just human nature to want to know he may have cared enough to have WANTED to contact you. I've been there, too. (Smile) Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I've been having the same thought JS17. I know that I have come too far with doing NC to even consider breaking it, but tonight I had that thought going on, how was I so involved with someone for about 2 years, and now not a single word out of him. I am lucky I suppose that I haven't run into him, that would probably throw me for sure. Still it's weird that I was so close with someone and now suddenly they've disappeared out of my life. Had we even had a knock out hiddeous argument that would explain it, but he just stopped. After I told him about my mom's passing he feigned concern and then not a single word. Not any concern afterwards to just see how I was coping. Nothing. How is it possible that I was ever involved with someone so thoughtless so capable of just discarding people like trash. Most of you are right, maybe they've moved on and are with someone else, so that someone is their top priority. We are just past events in their lives and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 Thanks all. I don't know. I'm just such a basketcase right now. I'm sure he's preoccupied with her but they've been together for a year. When he was with me he told me all the time when he was talking with his exs. I always felt bad for his exs, most seemed to really dislike him and their parents hated him. It seems obvious to me now but it wasn't then that this was a big red flag. I missed a lot of those with him. Regardless, it's not the point. from rio...it's just human nature to want to know he may have cared enough to have WANTED to contact you. this is exactly how I feel. I gave so much to him and he just couldn't even bother with me. from in sync...We are just past events in their lives and nothing more. I believe this is true and very well said. I'm not a person to him, I'm just something that happened. I keep kicking myself for allowing him to stay in my present and not keeping him in the past. I guess this will pass, or at least I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Thanks all. I don't know. I'm just such a basketcase right now. You are NOT a basketcase. You are a sensitive person, who's trying to comprehend something that doesn't fit well with your spirit and soul. Somebody you gave your heart hurt you. And until your mind and body and soul comes to a place of complete acceptance and release you'll always have questions. There is nothing wrong with questioning, it doesn't mean you'll be stuck feeling this way it just shows how sensitive you are. Scratch basketcase off your list in describing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
RZA-Man Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Hey JS17. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can totally relate. Since my ex dumped me almost 2 months ago, we've only had contact as a result of my efforts. It sucks knowing that a person you loved deeply just doesn't give a sh*t about you. What's helping me out is knowing that only a coward or callous person would act this way. Our exes, while we care about them, aren't worthy of our thoughts or affections if they can just discard us easily. Don't worry about your ex. He's not worth it. Keep your chin up Link to post Share on other sites
crazy lady Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Our exes, while we care about them, aren't worthy of our thoughts or affections if they can just discard us easily. Don't worry about your ex. He's not worth it. Keep your chin up AMEN to this!!! You have made it this far without him, I say "keep on going, girl." Do what it takes to make sure you are happy. No one else will. Concentrate on yourself, forget him. I know, easier said than done. It does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
itsover Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 There's nothing worse feeling, then feeling like someone you care(d) so much about doesn't give a damn. Hopefully it is just a faze that you will soon overcome. If you ever need someone to bitch at, drop me a line:D I'll bitch with you! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 JS17 What would you get out of having contact with him again? Would it really be a positive experience for all concerned in the long run? Do you think it is possible if you did have contact with him again that you would start a EA with him........ not just a friendship? From personal experience I have made it a rule not to be in a relationship with an ex for any reason unless property or other financial matters are concerned and need to be cleared up. sorry to hear you are in so much pain. a4a - get your snorkel, and dive in Link to post Share on other sites
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