ReluctantRomeo Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Thanks guys. I'm just feeling like s*** today and it really hurts to know that you put so much into someone who just never cared about you. I understand your situation... it would be nice to hear occasionally from old Juliet. And it does hurt when you start to wonder if they ever really loved you. Anyhow, it's possible that he never cared. If so, he didn't deserve you. But I think from my own experience that it's way more likely that he did care and does think of you... he just feels awkward about contacting you for whatever reason - maybe guilt, maybe uncertainty about your reaction, maybe too much going on at his end... maybe even things are going badly with the new girl and he doesn't want to tempt himself with an ex. If you really want to know though, why don't you call him? Link to post Share on other sites
fomerlyniceguy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Ok two stories. About a year and a half ago a woman I dated probaly 6 or 7 years ago asked my stbxw if she could contact me. She said sure that is fine. So eventually she called and asked if she could see me. My wife didn't mind, so we met for coffee. She preceeded to tell me how sorry she was about how she treated me, and took advantage of my kindness. In the end I accepted her apology but realized it was not for me, it was for her she was releasing her guilt not trying to make me feel better. If I had still had feelings for it probably would have made things worse but I was married(Happily I Thought) and it was water under the bridge so it didn't effect me. No cut to today. My wife and I finally seperatated in November(Not my idea at all). Now I still hear from her at least once a week or so, Email usually. I get an email that has a line or two of some kind of catching up news. Then she hits me with needing something, usually something financial (I.E. paying half the last water bill, etc). For once it would be nice to just come into find an email that just says "How are you doing?" I would think after four years of marriage I would at least deserve that. I am not holding my breath for that one though. I have a theory though, I believe one of the reasons I don't hear much is because I am doing really well, after I moved out I got envolved in new things, have money again, and am very happy in other parts of my life. I know she is having money problems, problems with friends, and getting established. Strangily I feel bad for her, but I don't plan on letting it show. fng Link to post Share on other sites
sick of it Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 why would you specifically tell your ex (if you dumped them) that youre happier with your new guy/girl. why would you purposly say "im happy"..."im much happier"? other than to cause hurt...especially if they know youre not over them. is there any other reason? Link to post Share on other sites
itsover Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Not possible.. you are a 10 already... Remember that she gets the guy that treated you like shiot.. that means she will get treated like shiot. I have tried to think like this after my ex and I broke up...if he treated me like ****..he'll treat her like **** for sure...which lead me to thinkin, what if he treats her better than me, what have I done to get treated like crap while she gets treated like a queen? This has always bothered me because me and my ex were on and off, dating inbetween. It gets me wondering so often, did he treat those other girls better..and why? Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I spend soooo much of my time thinking over a multitude of theories why my exgf doesn't contact me. She chose to just stop contacting me at the end of our relationship. Its like with her, no contact was the means to break up. I finally had to write her a note to make the break up official. She still isn't contacting me. Sometimes I think so hard about it, my head hurts. I also cause myself undue anguish when I think about one of the possibilities: that she met someone else towards the end. The bottom line is that they would contact you if they wanted to, and they don't. Theoretically, that's all we need to know to be able to move past this. And yes, I know, it is hard to -- really a blow to the old self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I spend soooo much of my time thinking over a multitude of theories why my exgf doesn't contact me. She chose to just stop contacting me at the end of our relationship. Its like with her, no contact was the means to break up. I finally had to write her a note to make the break up official. She still isn't contacting me. Sometimes I think so hard about it, my head hurts. I also cause myself undue anguish when I think about one of the possibilities: that she met someone else towards the end. That's why you have to accept that letting go is the single most important thing you can do when a relationship ends. The longer you hash and rehash the relationship the longer it takes to heal and work on the areas you need to improve upon. When you get go that weight is lifted off your shoulders and you can face life easier each day. Thinking about what she is doing or who she is with is senseless. There's nothing you can do about it and it kills your confidence and self-esteem. So she's with another guy? She was probably with one before you. So were you and so shall you be with someone else. The sooner you accept and let it go the sooner you can find someone who is a better fit for you. Yep, it hurts, but only if you allow it to. When you let someone else get to you like that you give them all the power. They have all the control. If you want control of your life and feelings back, let go. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I spend soooo much of my time thinking over a multitude of theories why my exgf doesn't contact me. She chose to just stop contacting me at the end of our relationship. Its like with her, no contact was the means to break up. I finally had to write her a note to make the break up official. She still isn't contacting me. Sometimes I think so hard about it, my head hurts. I also cause myself undue anguish when I think about one of the possibilities: that she met someone else towards the end. The bottom line is that they would contact you if they wanted to, and they don't. Theoretically, that's all we need to know to be able to move past this. And yes, I know, it is hard to -- really a blow to the old self-esteem. And because it is a blow to our self esteem, I fully believe now that his not contacting me to offer me any closure was meant to be a blow to my ego. These are not innocent children who want to spare our feelings. It is an act (although cowardly and easier to do than offer closure in the form of a conversation or letter, or call) it's a subconscious passive-aggressive act. If they have been with you for a considerable amount of time to not call and just disappear is pretty mean, because they know we will always wonder and be left in limbo figuring out 'why?'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 I can't even believe I'm posting this but... I can't belive I started this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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