Why is there always a game going on?

[June]

Why does it cost so much to be ones self in relationships? Everytime I think its safe to just be me and say exactly what I feel to a man he backs off afraid that I am becoming too clingy.

 

Sometimes when I look back at some of the over honest things I said and did to men in the past I realize things could have been so much easier if I had just held back a little and not been as open.

 

If I had pretended I was acting in a movie and just said my lines the way the game dictates I could have been ahead, but then I think "why the should I have played the game?" If the man had really loved me in the first place he would have accepted me the way I was, right?

 

Recently I said too much too soon to this man and he backed off saying we had to take a break for two weeks because things were getting too intense. It was so hard for me to not call him even though I wanted to, but I told myself that this time I would not be the weak one again, so I waited it out and before the two weeks were up he called me

 

worried that I had begun to loose interest in him and asking me if I still remembered him. I told him I still had the same feelings as before and he was so happy, but then afterwards I didn't feel like I needed him as much as I did before when he was pulling back.

 

Why do we had to torture ourselves all the time with these stupid, idiotic tug-of-war games?? Can't I just be real for a change?

[sparkle]

I enjoy the games...don't they just make relationships a lot more interesting?

 

You don't have to lie about your feelings or hold them all back. But many people get a little scared when they hear something that they're not prepared to hear...especially in such a short time.

 

Speaking of games, think of it as a game of "tag". Once the person tags the other, all the fun is gone, and the game is over. Isn't it better to just take your time, and let him chase after you a little? When you pour your heart out to him, you take all the excitement out of it for him. Don't let him "catch you" so quickly.

[Artlover]

I think the main question here is how soon do you declare your feelings? Are you getting signals from the guy that he's feeling similarly before you say anything? This is key. If this has happened again and again, perhaps you've been "in love with love" instead of in love with that person in front of you. Men and women both want the same things ultimately: Love and companionship. But just as Tony has said in the past, women (and I think this applies to men too) want a love interest to call to let them know they're thinking about them or to make small romantic gestures or whatever in the beginning, as long as it's the RIGHT person.

 

The guy I'm currently interested in called me early in the morning before work one day last week while he was away on vacation. It was a total surprise and I was thrilled that he thought about me while on his vacation. He actually woke me up and I've had guys call me before work in the past. Guys I wasn't interested in. And I would get pissed and in some cases over react, because they weren't the RIGHT guy.

 

My point is, many times people get so caught up in what they're feeling about a person/relationship that they don't take the time to notice if there's a true rapport or if the person is just "hanging out" until somone better for them comes along. People just leap without taking the time to see what is being offered by the other person in return.

 

The next time you're dating someone and you're really into them, pay close attention to how they're treating you. Listen intently as they tell you about past relationships and their views on dating and love. People always reveal themselves pretty quickly, we just usually fail to listen. Check in with yourself. Do you really like this person, as they are, or do you like the idea of this person? If, after that, you still feel like telling that person how you feel, do it. But I have a feeling if you're careful and you take your time next time, you'll probably hear something first for a change.

 

Good luck.

 

P.S. I know all of the above is difficult. It took me YEARS to learn this.

I enjoy the games...don't they just make relationships a lot more interesting? You don't have to lie about your feelings or hold them all back. But many people get a little scared when they hear something that they're not prepared to hear...especially in such a short time. Speaking of games, think of it as a game of "tag". Once the person tags the other, all the fun is gone, and the game is over. Isn't it better to just take your time, and let him chase after you a little? When you pour your heart out to him, you take all the excitement out of it for him. Don't let him "catch you" so quickly.