I cheated on my husband.....

[dietcoke]

I had been struggling with an emotional affair that I've succumbed to. I have been married for 8+ years to my husband and was extremely happily married when this other man walked into my life. My hubby and I where going through some sex issues at the time, I wanted more and more sex but it just seemed that he didn't desire me. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair. Sexually my husband - until Sept. - was the only man I'd ever been with my entire life (I'm close to 30 y/o).

 

This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character or any of the above (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have...After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely).

 

I slept with this man knowing he had a girlfriend. I didn't know she existed until I was WAY in over my head, but none-the-less it didn't stop me. He wants me so bad has told me he will leave her and we can move away and this man is DEAD SERIOUS. I had sex with him (twice) but my curiosity is gone and I've NEVER said anything about leaving my husband EVER to him. He has even told me he wants me to have his child. I still have contact with him, but I am trying to cut all ties to this man. I definetly love his sex - very well-endowed with length AND width - he is a HELLuva lover - can keep going and going allllllllll night. That is THE only advantage he has over my husband. Problem is, that's my weakness - he completey fufills my weakness. I don't want to tell my husband. I did tell him last summer that I was sexually tempted by this guy (hubby met him once) and my hubby was soooo hurt. Since it's only happened twice and I don't want other man what should I do? I've been faith to my hubby for 13 + years not even a kiss. I plan on going back to being that person again instead of the slut i've become.

[EMJ]

Put it behind you, totally. You already said how hurt your husband was by you mentioning you found someone else attractive. He would be DESTROYED by this information. Why would you tell him that anyway?? It is kind of cruel and hurtful.

 

Being with someone two times is bad, but you can just call it a fling. It's nothing like carrying on the deception for YEARS like many of these writers. They are in way too deep and don't walk away until there's major damage to all parties involved.

 

You made a very poor choice, you know it, time to move on and put it behind you.

 

Guess what? Even great sex is not everything. I'll take a weak lover willing to work at it than some studly guy whose only real value and skills lies in what he can do in bed. And I like sex A LOT.

 

If your husband lacks a little in the love skills department, get some pornos, a little bit of visual instruction can go a LONG way. You can rent them through the mail at sugar dvd online. It works like Netflix, very discreet. And he just might enjoy seeing your freaky side and be more adventurous. A man does not to be monstrously hung to send you over the edge. Two of the worse lovers I had were "big" men. But that's all they thought they needed to do was intercourse. Not too creative. Very boring and somewhat painful when all was said and done.

 

As someone once told me "You don't throw away a Cadillac just because it's got a dent in it." Work with him and work on your marriage. Good Luck.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to have your husband be honest with you? You wish to have a marriage based on honesty but you are not willing to be honest with him about this. Again I do not mean to be harsh but if your husband had sex with another woman who you knew and put your health at risk for STD's wouldn't you expect him to have enough faith in you and himself to be honest with you? The very least you owe him is to tell him the truth. Otherwise you are continuing in disrespecting him and your marriage. Deep down I think you know I am right. I wish you luck. Honesty and truth versus dishonesty and lies. The choice is yours.

[travellingman]

At the beginning of the post, you mention an emotional affair, but by the end of the second paragraph you're raving about his jimmy johnson. Are you in love with him or his dick?

[Presario]

I hope you will resolve this issue soon. I'm sorry to hear that you are ruining your marriage.

 

For how long did you want to have an affair? Was it something that popped a year ago or was it brewing for a long time?

[Marcus as the Peanut]

Hi!

 

read your old post´s ,so how did he go from being a pig to sleeping whit him??

 

what made you betray your husband twice? Just curious

[jmargel]

So what do you want from us? You didnt' ask us any questions. So basically here is what happened.

 

- Married a good guy who treats you great even after 13 years. That's an extreme rarity especially from these forums.

 

- For some reason your sex drive increased (you didn't say his decreased) and since he didn't want sex as much as you, you decide to go elsewhere.

 

- Even though you knew your husband was hurt by what you said previously to him about this guy and you knew this OM had a girlfriend you still decided to spread your legs

 

- You got your ego boost and now you have yourself in a mess

 

- You are going to 'try' to keep quiet about this affair to your husband to 'save' him the pain

 

Get real. Quit acting like a child and OWN upto your mistakes. It's about time you take some responsibility in your marriage. Your husband is not the problem, this OM is not the problem, the problem is with you. You take things for granted and when you ego was hurt because you husband didn't want sex as much as you, you had to have it stroked somewhere else.

 

You are SO upset yet you still have contact with this OM. But you vow for this to not happen again. Yea right, just like the second time? Just like how you brag about this OM's well-endowment?

 

If this were a man posting on here you would be burned at the stake. Honestly it's women like you who give decent women out there a bad name. You are also the reason why alot of men become jaded and have this 'attitude' about women in general (even though that is wrong).

 

You want to make this right? Start acting like an adult. Your husband deserves better. Tell him what you did, tell this OM to take a hike and get to counseling for yourself. Just hope & pray that your husband stays with you. If not some other lucky chick will get him.

 

Don't come here look for pity or to just tell us a story. Your husband WILL find out one day. It's not a matter of if, but when. It'll be much easier on you and him if you tell him. You made one mistake by sleeping with this guy don't make another by lying and keeping it a secret to your husband.

[Neptune]

There is a lot more to gain than lose if you get away from this OM and stay with your husband and keep your mouth shut.

 

Almost nothing to gain by "honesty" He likely will not ever get over it.

 

The only problem is this OM may try and ruin your marriage.

[jmargel]

Wow.. nice way to try to save a marriage.

 

Selfish attitude Neptune. Her husband DESERVES to know so that he can continue his life the way he sees fit. For him to be living a lie is not just immoral but cruel.

[Neptune]

At this point I consider dietcoke`s actions to be a bad mistake. Where she goes from here is what is important. No need to detroy everything that is good for this bad mistake. But, the devil may have his day.

[Moose]

If she decides not to tell her husband, it'll eat her alive. Or at least it should. If she has any conscience whatsoever......tell him, he deserves to know.

 

If he leaves, then you'll get what's coming to you. If not, and he decides to work things out with you, you'll have a stronger marriage.

 

You had better not allow this to happen again......geeez! Frankly, Mrs. Moose would be on her way.....even after 19 years of marriage......(Well.....I guess it would depend on the situation....but I'd be leaning that way....)

[reddog63]

Do not tell husband if you are not going to do again. The pain you would cause for the sake of honesty will be torture on your husband.

 

This subject comes up all the time. I can not disagree more with the people who suggest that you come clean with your spouse. She should carry the guilt!!!!!!!!! She said she will not do again. Let her live with it. You all say you would want to know and I do believe you. But think of all the pain this will cause him. And I could guess that some who are told would rather not have known after they go through all the pain.

 

Honesty is not always the best policy. Do you tell your wife she has a fat ass??? Why not????? Do you tell husband he is not a good lover???? Why not??? You have to weigh what good this information will do.

 

I think this advice is biased to some degree from people who have been cheated on previously. And I do understand the statement that you would rather know. Do you want them to go through the pain you went through?? When, if she lives with guilt, which will be a burden for her to carry, she will save him all kinds of grief.

 

And for those who condem her.........again, probably coming from previously hurt people who were cheated on..........hopefully you never make such mistakes in your life.........but many people have skeletons in their closet. Go ahead, tell your spouse all your secrets from earlier in life........why not?? Maybe it was a baby you aborted when young........maybe you were into drugs........come on, if honesty is always correct, then tell spouse everything.

 

I will probably get hit with a 2x4 with this post. But I have seen many a poster listen to this honesty advice and I do not believe it was the right thing to do in many circumstances for the reasons above.

[reddog63]

IF she tells.........the marriage is OVER.........plain and simple!

[Moose]

In a marriage, honesty is a given. Period. There are no special circumstances. If something makes my wife look fat, I'll tell her.....simple. If my sex ain't happenin'....she'll tell me......

 

Honesty does not have ANY Gray areas.......

[Spectre]

Really this is just sad..why in gods name are so many people telling this chick to NOT tell her husband? I absolutely love it when people convince themselves this is the right thing to do

 

Of course her husband will be destroyed, this is common sense. She is his wife, she cheated on him. So? is this guy allergic to the truth? if not, then he can handle it. He may not like it, but i GUARANTEE you in the long run he would prefer finding out now then to actually stay with a person who could claim she actually loves him after not only cheating on him, but LYING about it under the BS guise of "it will destroy him" I mean, so? Is it really that bad of a thing? yes, he will be hurting, but atleast he'll come away with it with some experience and general idea of what NOT to do in a relationship. and most of all? atleast he'll know the truth and what type of person the girl he married is. Like I've said..people make mistakes, like forgetting to rewind the video before you return it..or leaving the oven on too long and burning your food. You do not mistakingly have sex with another man, bottom line.

 

and really, it doesnt matter if youre the perfect wife from now on, actually scratch that, you can never be the perfect wife again.. and no offense, but as long as youre staying married to your husband and keeping him in the dark? you kind of come off as the opposite.

 

I cant make you tell your husband, but I beg you to do the right thing..which is to tell, If you can actually stay with him and not tell him this? then dump him anyways, cuz its obvious you do not love him. and Ill be honest, he probably will leave you, he SHOULD leave you, but thats your own fault. You dont get to be the selfish one when youre the one who messed this up in the first place

[Moose]

You do not mistakingly have sex with another man, bottom line.

Thank you! I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought this way!

[Presario]

Dietcoke, now you may have some STD from the other man. In the worst case HIV. You need to wait six months (so called "window period," see: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/faq/faq9.htm) before you can take a test for HIV. Therefore to make sure you will not infect your husband with HIV, you need to quit sex (even oral) for that long. Can you do that without raising suspicions? I don't think so.

 

You have two choices:

1) tell the truth, don't have sex for six months, and show your husband you care,

2) lie and perhaps infect your husband with some STD.

[Presario]

Thank you! I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought this way!

 

There are many other folks who think like you, and I'm one of them.

[jmargel]

You cannot move forward with your husband towards the future until you deal with the past. To begin dealing with this past you must tell your husband. Anything other than that is still cheating (IMO) and continuing to dishonor your vows.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you! I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought this way!

 

Reminds me of a line in a movie I saw recently, The Last Boy Scout...(Great movie with Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans) The wife cheats on Willis, he realized this by coming home early and seeing the toilet seat up and steam on the glass in the bathroom...He sees his wife's hair isn't wet...So he calls her bluff, asks who is in the closet, points a gun in the direction of the closet. She freaks and tells him he's fcked! And to get some help...So again, he says, WHO IS THE GUY IN THE CLOSET. She freaks again...He counts, 1,2,3...The door opens and out comes the guy...naked and wet from the shower...

 

Afew mins later he said, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. Willis says, "An accident?!! An accident is oops I cut myself, not OOPS, I tripped and stuck my dick in your wife's p*ssy! That was NO accident!"

 

He tells her if she's lonely to get a dog...

[pearlsasinger]

Telling him is the right thing to do.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

There are but two reasons why you could possibly want to tell your husband that you cheated:

 

either

 

1) You are a complete fool

 

or

 

2) Your true intent is to sabotage the relationship you share with your husband, and wish to inspire him to break up with you, rather than you being bold enough to do it.

 

 

 

Don't lose track of the obvious: You can always tell him later, but you'll never be able to un-tell him once you confess.

 

(if the affair is over, and you weren't caught, then leave it in the past, silently)

[Spectre]

*cracks knuckles*

 

 

 

1) You are a complete fool

 

and here I would think cheating on someone you love would make you a complete fool, silly me

 

2) Your true intent is to sabotage the relationship you share with your husband, and wish to inspire him to break up with you, rather than you being bold enough to do it.

 

Hey guess what? the relationship was sabotaged the moment she cheated. Telling the truth will either lessen the damage done, or prevent any further damage. Sticking your fingers in your ears, skipping around while humming *la la la what he doesnt know wont hurt him* will just make you come off as a complete and total______(fill in the blank with an obsenity of your choice)

 

 

(if the affair is over, and you weren't caught, then leave it in the past, silently)

 

Yes! because since nobody found out, its not bad right? or, since nobody found out, she wont feel guilty right? or, since nobody found out..she'll be able to look the man she supposedly loves right in the eye and not tell him the truth, knowing full well the woman this guy loves is a fake, and is so disrespectful to him and his feelings that she'd cheat, then lie about it.

 

If you cheat and youre able to not tell your SO, than thats a sign not that youre a bad person, but that you do NOT love your SO, not only because u cheated, but cuz u choose to keep it from him and make him look like a fool. If I found out my gf cheated on me I'd be hurt, if I found out she cheated on me 6 months prior and since then ive been showering her with affection, gifts, and my love, and all of this time she had cheated and not told me? I'd feel borderline retarded, I'd feel taken advantage of, and I'd just feel so incredibly horrible about myself. Really, if you care about this guy at all you'll tell him

[lilmoma1973]

 

I agree with Moose honesty is the best policy ,and if you done something wrong in your marriage you should let your h know ,and take the good with the bad..We all must learn that the choices we make in life ,that there will consequences to endure afterwards good or bad !!!

[StrivingtoSucceed]

You were with this guy b/c your H wasn't giving you what you needed sexually. You expressed yourself to him several times that you needed more. An affair happens generally b/c one or more of the WS' needs are not being met. If you don't tell your H what happened, he will never have the chance to make the changes needed to keep you happy, or even decide if he really wants to make those changes. If he doesn't get the chance to realize how important it is to you and change, then you will eventually be right back there with someone else b/c of your needs.

 

Of course it will hurt him, but she has all the pieces to the puzzle and has decided to stay with him. Everyone deserves to be able to come to their own decisions and to have all the pieces in order to do so.

 

I also agree with the other posters who have said that if she doesn't tell him and can live with that decision, than he isn't that important to her since she can obviously keep something that is so important to both of them, to herself.