I cheated on my husband.....

[tweldy]

Three things:

 

if you tell him :

He will be devastated. He may leave you. He may stay with you. You will have major work and counseling to do, but you will have revealed your secrets and there will be a chance that things will be good again. They will be different, better in some ways, worse in others. You will see how your husband deals with this massive blow. Perhaps you will see in him an astonishing strength and you'll be more in love with him than ever before, or perhaps you will see a debilitating weakness and you will find your image of him shattered. It is not possible to know what this will bring about in your husband. But you will not have to live with a secret.

 

if you do not tell him :

You will have a secret. He might find out. Maybe this guy's GF will figure it out and give your husband a call and give him the what's up. It might be unlikely, but its possible. If this happens, it will be much, MUCH worse than you having told him. But it probable that it won't happen. Instead you'll have a secret. He'll have a false image of you and he'll be happier. The secret will persist with you for the rest of your life. Perhaps you are strong enough to live with that secret. Perhaps five years from now it will become unbearable - you'll confess. Its hard to say. If you can keep the secret forever and hide the effects it has on your psyche from your husband, perhaps this should be your path. I wouldn't recommend it, but it might be possible.

 

No matter what:

Things will never be the same. You've taken this path and there's no turning back. You are at a fork in the road now. No one can tell you which path is the right path, but they may be able to help you recognize it for yourself. Something tells me that its not the case that only thing that has not been right in your marriage is an imperfect sex life. I have no idea what it could be, the usual suspects are drugs/perscriptions/alcohol, previous (e.g. childhood) abuse or neglect experienced by one or both of you, or some sort of psychological issue (e.g. depression). I would recommend some personal detective work and serious reflection. Maybe instead of agonizing over whether to tell you husband you should go to a counselor and lay it on the line and see if they help you discover what you should do.

 

HIV isn't the only incubating STD. Herpes, genital warts, and syphallis can go without symptoms for a long time - also syphallis can be just as deadly as AIDS if it goes undetected. I'm sure there are other STDs which cannot be cured, I just don't know them. I hope you have tested for EVERYTHING that can be tested for. For anyone reading this and who is involved in an affair, please use protection. This woman is going through HELL because of the horrifying possibility of not only getting an STD but passing it on to a loved one.

 

Ultimately, I am sad for the burden you carry and sad for your husband and family who may be hurt by this, but I believe there lies a positive future for the both of you if you're willing and capable of doing what must be done, whatever that may be. I wish you luck.

[JMHO Guest]

I found out about my wifes affair she did not tell me. I heard her talking about a guy to her friend then she denied saying anything about him.

 

I started snooping and found out about it. I gave her a couple of chances to tell me about what was going on but she just denied. I did more snooping and found a lot of evidence. It was a guy that was really a jerk to me and it hurt to know she screwed this guy.

 

What hurt worse were the lies to me. She made me think I was crazy and so I made a decision to divorce her. I showed her the evidence I had and told her I knew of her lies. She was upset she had been caught but she did not seem very sorry.

 

I felt bad about myself as a man. I can beleive that there are other men out there who are better endowed than me and I can believe that matters to women. I know there is nothing I can do if a woman wants a guy that is huge down there. I am a little above average in size so what can I do?

 

Now our divorce will be final in 2 months. I did love my wife and I am sorry that it didn't work out but I could not overcome the lies. We would have had a better chance if she would have told me.

 

Those that say you should not tell are giving you bad advice. If people are doing this in their marriage they are abusing their spouse. When I found out I felt bad for my wife in a lot of ways. She seemed to really be into this guy.

 

What about now? My wife begs for another chance with me and I no longer love her. I want her to find her happiness with someone else. She never seemed that happy with me so I don't want to stand in her way. I also earn a good income and provided her with a lot of nice things. She did not work and could go shopping and find well endowded guys to screw her, no wonder she wanted to try again with me.

 

Why not tell your husband and see what happens. Who knows if your lucky maybe you can end up with the well endowed super sex stud if he can't overcome it. People that don't tell don't want the consequences for their actions. He should get a say in this since you put him at risk for Aids and other STD's.