Carlyh444 Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 I am 32 years old, I had an affair with a married man. We saw each other almost everyday for a year and a half. We had sex frequently, multiple times a month. The days we did it was more than once. Our feelings grew for each other, he talked about how depressed he was in his marriage and how he wanted me, how he loved me. We talked about our future together. I supported him and I loved him so much. His wife found out about the affair 6 months ago. He ran back to her, blaming it all on me. I’m still not over it. I feel so sad sometimes. I think about him everyday. I constantly check social media just hoping he’s contacted me and nothing. I don’t know how to get over him. He’s blocked me on everything, he had too, obviously. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 Ahhhh.. these situations always end up in heartbreak! he’s a gutless creep and you can’t see it yet but in time you will see him for who he is and be thankful for the lucky escape. you just need time .. to go through it and come out the other side. You get through it step by step one day at a time - It’s rough I know but you will get there. think about it as soon as she found out he threw you under the bus, so what does that say about him? good luck and hugs 🤗 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 2 hours ago, Carlyh444 said: I don’t know how to get over him. Have you done any counselling Carly? There is grief with the end of every relationship. Time helps and you may want to consider counselling if you find that you are having difficulty moving forward. If it brings any comfort, yours is one of many stories in this board… it’s very common for the man to return home to his family following discovery. I’m sure that it doesn’t feel this way right now, but you don’t really want this man… There are much better men out there who are loyal, honest, and trustworthy. When you are ready, you will find the man who is meant to be your partner - Best wishes. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 I know you don’t see it this way now, but you should be very glad that his wife discovered the affair. Otherwise you would’ve wasted more years of your life on that creep. You’ve learned several hard, but valuable lessons here. You now know that saying “I love you” means absolutely nothing until proven with actions. You realize now that a married man who truly falls in love with another woman separates from his wife and divorces her as soon as he can. If he just prolongs the affair, it means he is using the affair partner for sex or some other selfish validation. Such people want to have their cakes and eat them, too. Such men will always return to their wives as soon as they must choose. Never trust such people again. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyEsq Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 Your story is my story (except that I am the OM and not the OW). Logically, you know yours is a tale as old as time. The emotional part of you believes your story is different. Trust me, it isn't. I found out and am still finding out the hard way. It is the deepest depression I have ever known. Some would say we're getting our just desserts, but I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Carlyh444 Posted February 11 Author Share Posted February 11 On 2/10/2025 at 9:37 AM, KentuckyEsq said: Your story is my story (except that I am the OM and not the OW). Logically, you know yours is a tale as old as time. The emotional part of you believes your story is different. Trust me, it isn't. I found out and am still finding out the hard way. It is the deepest depression I have ever known. Some would say we're getting our just desserts, but I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone. It really is. I’ve never felt this heartbroken. There is more to my story. I was abused in my last relationship and he used that against me. He told me he would never hurt me and he’d always be there. He took my pain and made me feel like he was going to protect me. He knew me when everything happened so he knew what I went through. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 (edited) 1 hour ago, Carlyh444 said: It really is. I’ve never felt this heartbroken. There is more to my story. I was abused in my last relationship and he used that against me. He told me he would never hurt me and he’d always be there. He took my pain and made me feel like he was going to protect me. He knew me when everything happened so he knew what I went through. I’m sorry that he did this Carly. It is, however, all the more reason for you to seek counselling, if you have not already done so. Unfortunately, you trusted a man who should never have been trusted. He was married - it was never a good decision to become involved with him. The fact that he abused your trust is indefensible. But, your focus needs to turn now to you - you have now been involved in two relationships with men who have abused your trust. You will need to learn from both experiences so that you can make better decisions moving forward - and I’m not saying that as a judgment, it’s just the sad reality. Let the next man that you trust be worthy of the faith, trust, and love that you would give. What you grieve is not so much the man as how he made you feel when you were with him. You are also grieving the relationship and the life that you hoped to have with this man. Those are not easy things to let go, but you must - because he is committed to another woman. Edited February 11 by BaileyB 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 You should consider yourself lucky that after his wife discovered the affair that she didn't come after you to either physically harm you or to ruin your reputation and make you lose your job. Maybe the thought of that will help you get over this huge bad decision and help you move forward. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted Monday at 05:46 PM Share Posted Monday at 05:46 PM You should realize he always chose his wife. You never had a chance because his expectations of the affair were not the same as yours. it’s a hard pill to swallow but also freeing to know. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyEsq Posted Monday at 05:52 PM Share Posted Monday at 05:52 PM 4 minutes ago, HappyAgain2014 said: You should realize he always chose his wife. You never had a chance because his expectations of the affair were not the same as yours. it’s a hard pill to swallow but also freeing to know. I agree with this (in my case I was the OM and not OW) but damn narcissists sure can be convincing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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