Author Lottemarine Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 (edited) How can you proceed to work with a male coworker after you tell him you like him? Coworker initially showed signs of liking me, so I told him i liked did him too. I’ve since found out he’s married, I didn’t know when I told him. Since then he’s acting really cold and avoidant, which I can deal with, but it makes working together very difficult. To the point of even saying hello and he just stares at me, no smile, nothing. How can we work together going forward? Edited February 24 by Lottemarine Word incorrect Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 Oh dear, embarrassing. Sounds like maybe you misunderstood friendly interaction. What did he do that gave you the impression he was interested? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lottemarine Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 (edited) 25 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Oh dear, embarrassing. Sounds like maybe you misunderstood friendly interaction. What did he do that gave you the impression he was interested? Hi, yes it is a bit. He would regularly check me out and turn away when I caught him, engage in intense eye gazing, get nervous/fidget one to one, always offer to help me with work (more than most colleagues) act like a deer in headlights when he’d first come to talk to me, not talk and then continue talking, set up one to one meetings when our work didn’t really overlap, those kind of things, which made me question he’s behaviour I guess. Pay me more attention really, Different from other male coworkers who wouldn’t do any of that. Edited February 24 by Lottemarine Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 2 minutes ago, Lottemarine said: Hi, yes it is a bit. He would regularly check me out and turn away when I caught him, engage in intense eye gazing, get nervous/fidget one to one, always offer to help me with work (more than most colleagues) act like a deer in headlights when he’d first come to talk to me, not talk and then continue talking, set up one to one meetings when our work didn’t really overlap, those kind of things, which made me question he’s behaviour I guess. Different from other male coworkers. OK, he sounds a bit weird. I'm guessing he's gone all cold and huffy because he's feeling embarrassed too. It'll pass pretty soon and things will go back to normal except he won't be so over-attentive. No biggie, just carry on as you did before it happened. For future reference it's never a good idea to hit on colleagues, especially when you know nothing about them and when they act all weird and nervous around you . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lottemarine Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 1 hour ago, MsJayne said: OK, he sounds a bit weird. I'm guessing he's gone all cold and huffy because he's feeling embarrassed too. It'll pass pretty soon and things will go back to normal except he won't be so over-attentive. No biggie, just carry on as you did before it happened. For future reference it's never a good idea to hit on colleagues, especially when you know nothing about them and when they act all weird and nervous around you . You mean embarrassed because I said I liked him? Yes I feel it was a big mistake in terms of how awkward things are now. I also had no idea he was married and just thought he liked me, so thought I’d tell him. I can guarantee I won’t be doing that again. Do you think I should pull him aside and apologise for making him feel uncomfortable or will that do more harm than good? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 In the future ask men if they are married or involved with someone before you pour you feelings out to them. It will save you this embarrassment. It's not a good idea to get involved with people you work with because as you can see it gets awkward when feelings aren't mutual or when things go south. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lottemarine Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: In the future ask men if they are married or involved with someone before you pour you feelings out to them. It will save you this embarrassment. It's not a good idea to get involved with people you work with because as you can see it gets awkward when feelings aren't mutual or when things go south. I guess I thought he was giving me signals that it was into me and for that reason never thought he might be attached. We spoke about each others lives and usually that comes up, but he never mentioned it, so I never quizzed it. Yep will know better not to go there in future. Usually male coworkers I get on with mention it fairly quickly if they are attached etc. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 43 minutes ago, Lottemarine said: I never quizzed it. Yep will know better not to go there in future. Your other thread reveals that you are also married. And if I recall, you didn't mention your husband to him right away, either. Or am I confusing you with someone else? Anyway, most of that was discussed in the other thread. All you can do now if remain professional. If he freezes you out. so be it. It might be awkward, but as long as it's not interfering in your actual work duties, there's not much you can do but shrug it off. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 (edited) Oh come on. Haven't you gone over and over this enough? You're not going to get any different input than you already have, but I'll give it a shot: Do you understand the meaning of "professional behavior"? I hope so. Assuming you do - then simply act professionally. If you are required to interact personally with this man, just keep the job at hand foremost in your mind. People who dislike each other work together all the time. That's okay. They don't need to like each other or feel super comfortable. They just need to get the work done. This guy obviously is not happy to have to work with you but he is probably capable of soldiering through and I hope you are too. I'm concerned that you're STILL fixated on this man. YOU ARE MARRIED. STOP IT. Edited February 24 by NuevoYorko 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: And if I recall, you didn't mention your husband to him right away, either. You're married? That explains why he was looking at you crazy. You probably gave him the impression that you were interested and he was trying to figure out if he was imagining it until you actually came out and told him you like him. Isn't he younger than you also? He was confused but now he's clear and wants no part of it. Just keep your head down and act professional from now on. It''ll blow over. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 5 hours ago, Lottemarine said: I can guarantee I won’t be doing that again. Do you think I should pull him aside and apologise for making him feel uncomfortable or will that do more harm than good? It might clear the air but it might make it worse. I guess the best you can hope is that he hasn't told other colleagues that you hit on him, or worse, that he decides to report you for sexual harassment 😬. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 For the love of god do NOT freaking "pull him aside." Instead, leave him alone and do your job. You don't always have to do some action because you have a "feeling," you know. You're not quite comfortable? So what. You'll live through it. If you can't, you need a new job - you do NOT need to put some more of your confessions on this married man. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 12 hours ago, Lottemarine said: Since then he’s acting really cold and avoidant, which I can deal with, but it makes working together very difficult. To the point of even saying hello and he just stares at me, no smile, nothing. How can we work together going forward? You work together awkwardly. Basically, you shat in the bed, now you have to sleep in it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.