MarkV Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 (edited) Hi everyone Please excuse the long post and thanks for reading. So….I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and we’ve known each other for a few years before that and we have an amazing connection and we love each other so much. She was in a non loving 8 year relationship and when we met she realised it was so wrong and decided after all those years to end it with him. He didn’t even seem bothered. Fast forward and they own a house together which numerous times she’s said they need to sit down and sort out but neither of them are taking the lead to sort it out. She’s wanted to keep me and her on the down low until it’s all sorted as she’s entitled to £138,000 from it if they sell. I’ve been patient for over a year now and there is still no progress. This is very confusing as she’s spoken about me and her moving in together eventually but we can’t do anything whilst she procrastinates on her current situation. She always tells me how much she loves me and wants to be with me but I cant be put on a shelf anymore in secret whilst she doesn’t deal with it. She has admitted that the thought of dealing with it really stresses her out etc even though I’ve never pushed her. I’ve just put up with the situation and been patient and understanding but my needs in the relationship just aren’t being met. She’s a real people pleaser and will always double book herself trying to keep everyone happy but I turn I get hardly anytime with her as she’s always tired from doing 16 hour days then catering to everyone else’s needs. I’m a loyal committed loving guy but I’ve mentioned a few times that I’d like a bit more time with her and for us to be open and public with who we are. There has been times where she was on edge when we were out in case her ex or his parents see us! It’s like she’s trying to keep the peace but in turn I’ve started to feel neglected and our relationship is a low priority. She talks about our future etc but she still hasn’t even introduced me to any of her friends and family either which is also a red flag as I’ve wanted to include her into my world. We are both independent people and have our own lives,hobbies etc but my needs from a relationship just aren’t being met anymore even though I’ve voiced it and communicated. So on Monday I told her that I couldn’t carry on with the ‘relationship’ anymore due to the lack of time and feeling of being hidden. We are both heartbroken as we do love each other. She acknowledged that she needs to make changes and get things sorted so we can progress and that she wants her life with me. I just need to see that she’s willing to make some changes (even if they are small) as I can’t hold on anymore. Have I done the right thing? I’ve stuck to my boundaries Edited February 13 by MarkV Grammar Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Yes, you've done the right thing - it sounds like she's prioritising everyone but you. There would have to be some massive changes for a second chance to happen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarkV Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 Thank you. It was the only card I had left to play as it was going nowhere. We both love each other so let’s see if anything happens from here on…. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 MarkV, if you're viewing this as a card to play, then you're doing the wrong thing by yourself. Good relationships don't involve strategic moves to get your needs met. Better to think of it as sensibly walking away from a relationship which isn't meeting your (quite reasonable) needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarkV Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 Yes what I meant was that I have been supportive,patient and understanding of her situation with her house etc as I had to go through it myself. My patience has gone and I set myself some boundaries as to how long I was willing to wait. There is not much else I could do as I knew if I didn’t speak up then she would just carry on as she wouldn’t have to deal with anything. It was leaving me feeling like a very low priority in her life and I was kept in a bubble which suited her fine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Yes, this breakup is for the best. Find a woman who makes you her priority Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Personally, I think moving together after only one year is too soon. Also, again personally, I couldn’t care less about introductions to family and friends. Of the things you described, this would annoy me most: 3 hours ago, MarkV said: There has been times where she was on edge when we were out in case her ex or his parents see us But anyway, this doesn’t matter. You’re asking whether you’ve done the right thing. I think that if all those things have been bothering you that much and she wasn’t doing any effort to improve them, then yes, you’ve done the right thing. It’s all about how you feel. If the relationship is making you thoroughly miserable, you should end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) Honestly, it sounds like she's still in a relationship with him. She should have ended things completely and tied up all the loose ends before you two even considered starting to date. You've definitely done the right thing by ending the relationship. Please don't hold your breath, hoping that she will finally do the right thing by you and you'll reconcile and live happily ever after. If she wasn't motivated enough to do the right thing before, she certainly isn't going to be motivated now. You are very low on her priority list. Edited February 14 by Acacia98 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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