do I walk away or stick with it?

[zs0511]

so i kind of posted about this girl on here before so some of you may recognize me from posting about this girl from the past but alot has happened since then and honestly idk how to think about things anymore. so heres kind of the backstory and situation.

 

so (34m) met this girl (31) about end of 2023 on a popular dating app. we met up things were cool and we ended up going out like 3, 4 times. unfortunately i said something that pissed her off ( i wasnt wrong in my thinking i just probably could have dealt with it and brought it up a dif way) and that kind of ended things and made her not want to go out with me any longer. well i didnt see or talk to her for a few months until one day i was scrolling threw the same dating app and i saw her pop up on it. honestly i didnt know what to do because it was someone i was still interested in but i was with my friend and he said if your open to connecting with her why not just like her and at the end of the day i was like there is no chance in hell she likes me back so why not what do i have to do. well within maybe 10 mins of me liking her i get a like back from her and maybe 5 mins after that i get a text from her saying hey lets meet up next week and reconnect. ok cool sounds great whats your schedule like. and then she hit me with the but just as friends though line. it sucked to hear but why not right nothing better to do on a Tuesday. well we went out and i definitely didnt get the "just friends" vibe from her but i really wasnt sure till the 2nd time we hung out.

so we hung out atleast twice a week for about ttwo months and everything seemed great. we both initiated phone calls texts and hanging out. we kissed, she would always hold my hand or my arm, would touch my face, play with my hat whenever i wore one, would say stuff like i really like you, i see a future with you, one time when i was leaving her place when she gave me hug she didnt let go and when i got home she said she didnt know why but she really didnt want to let go of me and let me leave, or dating app was deleted after our 4th hangout ...so yea things seemed be going well and tracking in a positive direction which i was happy because i really liked her as well, just felt right. then things changed.

we went out for new years eve together and i knew from the minute she showed up something was off. it went from lets meet at my place to lets just meet at the venue. she gets there and her body language is completely dif. she wasnt as talkative or touchy feely with me. i asked if everything was ok "oh yea everything is fine" which was not true. when someone acts a certain way to you alot when their attitude shifts you can feel it. now once she got some alcohol in her system she kind of went back to how she always was with me but how she was sober tells me all i need to know. well the next day i text her asking if she wanted to see he Christmas lights on Thursday ( its a big display thats been in magazines she said she really wanted to go but we werent able to get tickets prior and they leave them up till the 12th) and i get hit with the i dont think we should see each other anymore. was obviously tough to hear, felt like i got hit over the head with a sledgehammer. i mean it was so quick and sudden and honestly felt like i just got lead on 

well her backstory was she was in a physically abusive relationship and still has some demons from that. she told me when we first went out she truly wanted to go out as friends but feelings developed very quickly that she wasnt expecting and she was scared because she really didnt know if she wanted to date. your such a good guy i dont want to dump my pain and emotional traumas on you. its not fair and i dont think we can go out as just friends because we both like each other. and since new years ive seen her in person twice. she never ignores my texts and we never blocked each other but the texts were less frequent and never really asked to meet up that much

about two weeks after this happened she invited me over because she met a new friend at the bar and she was not completely comfortable with being alone with her at her place so wanted me to come. i was very handsoff with her because i didntt want to push but took maybe 5 mins till she was leaning on me, touching my leg ect and we ended up hanging  out till like 4 am. ever since that night though she has cleary avoided meeting up with me. ive asked her a few time. and i always would get borderline the same response. "hey i really want to but dont think its a good idea" " i always want to see you but dont know if i should" never got annoyed or angry with me but that was the response. i kind of made the decision i was going to ask her out for v day with the full expectation she would say no but it was kind of the last attempt for me. i asked she said no i want to but if i do i know we will start dating and idk if im ready for that. so i made the decision then and there i was done walking away. untill she put some effort. i dont text her she dosent text me for a day then two days then 6 days then 8 days and its getting easier and easier for me. and then wednsday happened.

i hadnt texted her in 10 days im sitting at home and i get a call from her. so i answer im not going to ignore her om not petty like that. hey what are you up to me- not much just starting to pull stuff for the accountant for taxes so exciting i know" "well are you home" me- yea why "well im outside" what do you mean your outside? "your apartment building im outside" so i walk outside and i see her car and her sitting there and we ended up hanging out for a few hours. also keep in mind we dont exactly live close to one another. if i was to get in my car and drive to her place its a 20-25 min drive. she said she was close by because a friend lives close but idk if i buy that. shes been over many times and is super unfamiliar with the area (my area is not complicated its one main road and everything runs off it) and she has never said oh i have friends who live close by. also she never remembers my address so she clearly looked it up from past texts so she went out of her way, and she definitely wasnt out at the club or bar because she was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshit. and same as always touch barrier broken no issues or weirdness. hit me with i know this is probably weird to do but i really miss you and wanted to see you, i almost called you 4 times over the last week, and flirted a little saying stuff like idk why but whenever i look at you i cant not smile.  and were actually going out tonight. not a defined v-day date but were hanging out later honestly i feel like were i a situationship.

i need some advice on what to do because im so invested in this maybe i need to hear outside perspective. does it sound like shes playing games to you or does this sound like someone truly conflicted and dosent know what to do. ive seen her shut someone down and it was completely dif then how its been with me. do i just continue to move on and let her initiate everything with the expectation nothing will happen or talk to other people like i am now or do i stick with it? im truly interested in this girl shes amazing and if i just need to let her come around im fine with that its worth it to me but if shes jerking my chain i dont really know if i can handle things going like they did before. i mean im jsut starting to get over it and now she injects herself back into my life

 

 

Edited February 15 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shorten title

[ShyViolet]

Not a lot of people would have patience with the amount of games she is playing with you.  How many times are you going to let her drift in and out of your life?  This is pretty ridiculous.  She has cut things off with you at least two separate times, probably more but your post was a little long and rambly so a little hard to follow.  If she wanted to date you, she would.  There is nothing here to "stick with", she can't make up her mind and that pattern of behavior would most likely continue if you are foolish enough to keep chasing her around.

[MsJayne]

Ask her to explain why she was cool towards you on NYE, and don't let her pretend it was nothing. If I was dating some guy and he told me to meet him at the venue I'd be turned off because a gentleman would come pick me up. I'd see it as really rude and a warning sign that he's not the kind of guy who would look after his girl, so maybe that's what she was annoyed about. Also ask her if she wants to try a relationship with you or not. Put her right on the spot, and don't give her any space to start rambling on about her past experience, she needs to move on from the past and if she can't she needs to stop dating until she can. It's not your job to carry her emotional baggage for her. Any relationship with a person who can't let go of the past will inevitably turn toxic. 

[ExpatInItaly]

My guy, you are her Back-Up Boy. 

You are the one she uses to fill time when she's not getting attention from other men. I can nearly guarantee it. She is not going to stick around. As soon as she meets a guy she actually wants a relationship with, you will be left in the dust. 

Sound like a good time to you? 

[Acacia98]

On 2/15/2025 at 2:21 AM, zs0511 said:

i need some advice on what to do because im so invested in this maybe i need to hear outside perspective. does it sound like shes playing games to you or does this sound like someone truly conflicted and dosent know what to do. ive seen her shut someone down and it was completely dif then how its been with me. do i just continue to move on and let her initiate everything with the expectation nothing will happen or talk to other people like i am now or do i stick with it? im truly interested in this girl shes amazing and if i just need to let her come around im fine with that its worth it to me but if shes jerking my chain i dont really know if i can handle things going like they did before. i mean im jsut starting to get over it and now she injects herself back into my life

It's sounds like she's dating other men and seeking you out in between situationships. She's not interested in you. She's interested in the ego boost she gets from interacting with you (because it sounds pretty much like you worship her and will willingly drop everything for her no matter how she treats you). She will keep inserting herself into your life at her convenience because she knows your door is always open. So that means she's going to have a full dating life and seek you out occasionally when she's bored, whereas you are bound to have a non-existent dating life and little chance of meeting someone who genuinely cares about you and wants to be with you full time.

What you should do is block her and date other women.