Amethyst020 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Can anyone please answer this or give me your advice? Been together: 8 years, Married: 4 years, have one daughter: just turned 2 We are seperated 3+ months now..he is living in apartment 1 mile north of our home. We are going to counseling every other Friday. He seems to work or talk about things @ counseling but not outside of it. Maybe he's not ready I have this problem of bringing up crap that is part of our marital problems when i drop my daughter off @ my husband's apartment. It is SO hard not to. When do you bring it up? Counseling 1x every other week for an hour is not enough time. I'm so hurt by his lack of affection that has grown over the last year, ignoring me, selfishness, and pushing me out of areas of his life. I've stood by him only to watch him disrespect me and put me down. I wanted him to know that (the above). He gets upset and says "we're seperated right now which means you need to leave". I told him that I was going to file for divorce. I should NOT have told him that. He says he doesn't know if he wants a divorce. His freedom is what he wants right now. Friends say he doesn't want to be married nor have to support a family right now (we have one kid). How sad...He was more mature when we married four years ago then today. When do you draw the line and say "that's it he's not going to change, file and be done with him." HOPE is a strong word I guess. In the eight years we've been together the last 1.5 years he's so different. I told him that I just want the old him back. So do his friends & family... If he's so cold why stick around? I guess I think he might turn into the person that I married....not something else that is unobtainable. Thanks for your help -Gooch *[email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Well, first of all, usually when there is one spouse who says these things to another spouse, about having their freedom etc. there is another person involved. More than likely, if you ask him, he will lie about it anyway so I wouldn't bother. I'd do a little investigation on my own, checking his e mail accounts, cell phone records etc or perhaps even following him in a friend's car to see where he is spending his time. Yes, you should only bring up the issues at counseling or a designated time to discuss. You should not bring it up when you pick up your daughter. What does he say in counseling?? A good counselor should have already picked up on there possibly being someone else. It's fine for him to want to have his freedom, but I'd let him know he cannot do that and stay married to me. What he wants to do now is check his options- see what else is out there- if there is anything better but if not still have you hanging around. What this is is code for "I want to stay married to you but I want to screw around on the side" It's quite one thing to want to not be married, but yet another thing to not want to support a family. No matter what happens between the two of you he is the parent of that child forever and I would let him know he WILL be responsible- whether he does it voluntarily or whether you garnish his paycheck for child support. DO NOT tolerate him checking out on your daughter. Have you read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson?? If not, I recommend that you do. It will tell you which tactics work for trying to get your spouse back if that is what you want. Only you can say whether or not you want to stay married, but to hang on while he plays around would not be something I would want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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