A girlfriend realised she still has feelings for ex

[MysticMover]

Hi here‘s my situation: I met a girl and we really enjoyed spending time together. We admitted our feelings and started dating. It was a really great time - watching movies, talking and just hanging out together.
After a week or so she told me that she realised that she still has really strong feelings for her ex and isn’t as over him as she thought. That’s why she said she isn’t ready for a new relationship and needs time to heal.She doesn’t know if she and her ex get back together because it just depends on how he’s feeling as well and if they ever try to talk to again. And yeah she said she still has some feelings for me but since she has really strong feelings towards ex it’s just weird and hard to explain.
She also said that she really doesn’t want me to wait or anything because it’s really unfair so she just wants me to live my life. Whether we ever get back together depends on how things unfold.
I still love her (maybe even stronger than before). I do try to live my life but I definitely won’t be able to just move on and date someone else for a while. I still hope that we get back together but I don’t want to be pushy or try to force her in any way. It must be her own decision.
I just really miss her and the happiness I felt with her. This was my first relationship, so it hurts even more.
We still stay in touch (online and offline), and she said she hopes things won’t get weird between us because of this situation. What would you recommend I do?

[basil67]

I recommend not staying in contact as it's just going to hinder your ability to move on.   

Rip that sticking plaster off and get some boundaries happening.  Tell her that if she changes her mind about a relationship, she is welcome to reach out and see if you're still single. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, that's bad news. It's not all that unusual. 

Here is the rule. Stay away. If she is still thinking about and feeling for the X--while hanging out with you--that means she has extremely strong feelings for the X.

In other words, you are are no competitor for the ex, and you are fortunate she admitted this hopefully kinda early (I can't tell how early). You cannot really trust her words about missing you and all of that, because it's quite likely she is just letting you down easy. 

I have NEVER seen someone hang around and wait while the other person explores feelings with the ex--and have it work out for the waiter, in this case, you.  Never seen it. Please grieve, cry, feel sadness and move on!

[Gebidozo]

I recommend you stop communicating with her and move on.

Stop hoping that you’ll get together with her. Focus on your own life and start meeting other girls when you’re fully healed.

This is a common life situation, it hurts but the only way to deal with this is brace yourself, go through some tough times, and emerge stronger than before.

It’s a good thing that she was honest to admit she wasn’t over her ex and specifically asked you not to wait for her. Follow her advice.

Also, try not to apply the very strong word “love” to situations like this. I know you think this was love, but it wasn’t. Love is something two people feel mutually and build together over the course of considerable time. Once you realize it wasn’t love, you’ll find it much easier to get over it.

[glows]

Maybe work on the narrative here. She wasn’t your girlfriend and this wasn’t a relationship. You knew her for only one week so there’s no way this is love. You feel attached and that’s ok but don’t lie to yourself saying this is more than what it was. 

it’s possible she’s not even at all interested in her ex and is just giving you a gentle let down. Her saying she hopes this doesn’t make it awkward for you online and offline is too immature and disrespectful to you. How can you even trust what she says in the future. She basically used the dating app to lead someone on (you) when she hasn’t completely gotten over her ex. I would find it very hard to look at someone the same way after that. And please don’t do what she did to anyone else either. You’re wasting other peoples’ time and disrespecting them too. 

[ShyViolet]

There's nothing you need to do.  Listen to what she has said, and move on.  You need to be aware that the reason she gave you, about having feelings for her ex, could very possibly be an excuse or a white lie to let you down easy after she realized she's just not that into you and not interested in continuing to date you.  If she was really interested in you, she would have continued dating you.

[ExpatInItaly]

20 hours ago, MysticMover said:

I still love her (maybe even stronger than before)

After a week of dating? 

I'd try to keep perspective here. I know you're hurt but this was not a deep love. The more your frame it that way in your mind, the harder it's going to be to let go. I don't mean to minmize your feelings but it's critical in dating to keep both feet on the ground and not get too carried away in the emtions and thrills. You will find it very hard to navigate relationships otherwise, because you'll keep getting too far ahead of yourself. 

This is disappointing, no doubt. But you would be wise to put her behind you. She was honest that her heart is witth someone else.  

 

[smackie9]

Move on, you will be better for it. 

[flitzanu]

"i like someone more than you, but i'm going to pretend like i'm confused so maybe you'll give me a chance in the future when it doesn't work out with my ex"