carolm Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 hi again i am so depressed i haven't heard from him in a week, no email, no letter, no text, no call. I assume it's over. I feel really angry, although it was short, the first texts were all 'i love you' 'you're the best person i ever met' 'never stop calling' 'come over soon' and now just silence. i feel stupid being the only person to initiate conversation or communication. the last time we spoke he told me i worry too much, but from reading all the posts here i thought that communication was important. i don't know what to do. should i send back all the stuff he gave me. i've already shut down some links to pics and blogs i had set up for him from me to him. what a complete loser i am., i always rush into these things assuming people are actually in love with me as i am with them but i obviously always fall harder. how pathetic. here's advice to newbies in love, don't do it or DON'T RUSH INTO IT. i have bumped my head so many times and am always the one left hanging and sad. I actually can't believe this has happened to me again. i thought he was different.does anybody have suggestions on what i should do from here? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Awww honey. That's really sad. I think the fact that he hasn't tried to contact you in a week doesn't necessarily spell the end, but it does mean that he's a good deal less interested than you are. The advice you gave yourself about going slowly in future is a good one. How old are you btw? Another piece of good advice is to roughly match what you're getting from the other person. If they're ringing and calling a lot, feel free to do so. If they're not taking much initiative, you need to scale back a bit too. Don't always be the initiator! In the meantime, don't send back the stuff or take any more rushed decisions. Just stop contacting him, take the time to be with friends, improve yourself, do things you enjoy. Maybe he'll come back, maybe not. But you'll be getting on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Had you two actually met? I get the impression this was a on-line relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carolm Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 we met about 6 weeks ago whilst he was on tour on another continent. We clicked and i truly believed it was love. we both did, and professed it quite often. it was gentle and delicate, i can honestly say i have never been so happy in my life. since he has been back home, we initially text each other about 20 times a day, i phoned 3 times, he told his parents about me, his friends. all the signs that there was a future was there. suddenly i was the only one texting, no response to emails, the last text was not as affectionate as the ones before, i used to get i love yous and i want to see you asap. i even have been looking into making plans to move over to his side of the world for a couple of weeks to hang out and see if there was a possibility but now when the crunch is starting about making these plans a reality, no word, no comments, no affection, no nothing. Do people really act this way? Do they just ignore you in hope that you'll go away. i am 29 years old and haven't dated for over 2 years because i was scared of htis happening. what luck the first guy i decide to take this giant leap with by becoming close to and now i sit here completely bewildered and not knowing what to do Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Do people really act this way? Do they just ignore you in hope that you'll go away. Sometimes, yes. I don't think it's personal - it's more a general philosophy of hoping that problems will go away if you bury your head in the sand for long enough. Some people just have the wishful thinking and avoidance approach to life. i am 29 years old and haven't dated for over 2 years because i was scared of htis happening. what luck the first guy i decide to take this giant leap with by becoming close to and now i sit here completely bewildered and not knowing what to do Successful people in any area of life fail just as often as the unsuccessful. The difference is in attitude - successful people see it as a learning opportunity and move on. You need to cultivate a fun, "try it and see" approach to dating. Don't take it so hard, so quickly. And get back on the horse Link to post Share on other sites
Author carolm Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 yeah but i gushed out my whole life history for like nothing, its awful, i feel vulnerable and just want to resolve it. god, its so strange because i get emails from his friends in different states becasue we are in similiar lines of work, and the possibility of seeing him in the future is pretty good. or i will be working with his peers, i feel lame, and i am successful generally in life but just not in love, it erks me that i am not in control of this situation thanks for the messages by the by Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 You should always beware of people who are passing through. He may have genuinely felt some love for you while he was on holiday, but then he returned home. we met about 6 weeks ago whilst he was on tour on another continent. We clicked and i truly believed it was love. we both did, and professed it quite often. Six weeks is not enough time to truly believe you're in love. i am 29 years old and haven't dated for over 2 years because i was scared of this happening. You both took things too fast. Slow down in future, or this sort of thing will continue to happen to you. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 yeah but i gushed out my whole life history for like nothing, its awful, i feel vulnerable i feel lame, and i am successful generally in life but just not in love, it erks me that i am not in control of this situation Well, 2 ways of looking at this. One is the one you have just outlined. The other is that you're bold, confident, secure in telling your story and ready to take a risk. It just didn't pay off. Next time, be more measured. But I wouldn't see this time as an embarrassing disaster. He should be embarrassed, maybe, but not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carolm Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 thank you so much for that comment that he should be embarrassed not you. I think i just needed to hear that, you know. But i thought maybe now after we had some time apart and if i went over to see him as we discussed we could see if there was something there or that it just was a strange romance. the thing is i probably have to go over to his side of tghe world anyway and be seeing his peers because of my work, and not seeing him when i'm there oh god after these damn freaking plans to hook up just feels like a waste of time, energy and condoms, damn this stuff, why couldn't i just get a text with finality attached to it or a conversation like a decent human being to just sever the umbilical chord, end it cordially,why the humiliation of the unknown, real irritating and the more i write actually the more angry i feel because of the way this is or isn't resolved. mis-management of this whole affair just feels that it is tainting the very beauty of the gift that was given and now lies neglected like some gimmicky christmas present Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 thank you so much for that comment that he should be embarrassed not you. I think i just needed to hear that, you know. My pleasure - I think you needed to hear this too. damn this stuff, why couldn't i just get a text with finality attached to it or a conversation like a decent human being to just sever the umbilical chord, end it cordially,why the humiliation of the unknown, real irritating and the more i write actually the more angry i feel because of the way this is or isn't resolved. I fully agree. The implicit method of dumping someone is one of the meanest and certainly the most cowardly. However, you don't know what he's thinking and feeling until you speak to him. Pick up the phone, call him. Be cool, calm and polite, but ask him what's going on and where you stand. You will probably find - whatever his thoughts or position - that he is finding difficulty articulating them. So help him with questions, try to understand what he's saying, then politely and calmly explain how this has made you feel. Don't rule out the possibility of a good outcome, although I think it is the less likely of the two outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
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