Medusa Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we recently had a situation where a "female friend" of his—who clearly hasn't moved on—has been acting in the most bizarre and desperate ways. It's like she’s trying to prove something. Here's the situation: This indian girl, who I’ll refer to as E has been all over my boyfriend during a recent trip we made to Miami. She already has an indian partner back in Oregon. They met at university in Sep 2023 anf hes naturally chatty and friendly so he quickly befriended her. However since the start of their friendship, she was making posts about him on Instagram, posting their selfies, heart emoji next to his name. She had even taken staged photos with him as a couple looking up in the sky, her head resting on his shoulder, telling him she simply wanted to recreate a bollywood movie poster with him as he has such an attractive face but when she posted that pic, she wrote my first friend and he's such a big part of my heart with heart emoji. I dont even know what friendship she was constantly talking about as my bf was back home in Belgium from May 2024-Jan 2025. He was quite emotionally down so wasnt interacting with anyone edcept his closest friends and family. So he had left much earlier without even meeting her properly. She had finished her masters course, flew back to oregon in November but returned in December or Jan this year. And the moment she heard my bf was arriving, she lost it. To put it simply, she was desperate to make herself the center of his attention, even though we were both there together. She was wearing this overly revealing dress (in the freezing nyc cold, mind you), deep plunging neckine, exposed cleavage and asked my bf if she looked sexy and to take her pic and started posting I look sexy in a bun etc. He told me about it and she again asked to meet up saying she will be leaving Miami in 2 weeks so wants to meet at her house. He took me along and all three of us took a selfie together. But the push for meetings didn't stop. She again invited him for lunch with her indian female friends , taking pics of him while he was eating, taking food, them again to have a walk in the snow and again at her graduation party that her female friends threw her. She came wearing a red dress, red lipstick, was posting calling herself a b****, how her friends are sexier than yours and you know it and she was posing for photos, kissing her friends all right next to my bf who was on his phone. She even made him sing on the stage with her, talk about their friendship, about her until he made an excuse that he's tired and left. On her last day in Miami, she again literally begged him to come, and he went but with his books and laptop amd left early but she snapped pics of him when he was working and completely distorted the actual story saying how she was so happy to leave and go back to her dogs but my bf came over suddenly and made her sad and that he's like a cute labrador whom she doesn't want to leave but has to and that NYC should take care of this cutie who is forever lodged into her heart The thing is, she's been posting all these dramatic captions like "forever in my heart" about him, as if they’re some great lost love. And she keeps saying how "she’ll leave her labrador behind in Miami," like it’s some grand romantic gesture. But what’s really happening is that she’s only belittling him, calling him a dog. It’s pathetic, honestly. She was also making digs at white women saying white men look better with coloured desi women like her not pale ghosts like me. I don’t know how to even approach this situation with my boyfriend. He’s a really kind guy, and I understand why he might have felt some obligation to meet up with her and be polite, Has anyone here dealt with something similar? How do I get him to see that he doesn't need to keep giving this woman any time or space? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Medusa said: The thing is, she's been posting all these dramatic captions like "forever in my heart" about him, as if they’re some great lost love. And she keeps saying how "she’ll leave her labrador behind in Miami," like it’s some grand romantic gesture. But what’s really happening is that she’s only belittling him, calling him a dog. It’s pathetic, honestly. She was also making digs at white women saying white men look better with coloured desi women like her not pale ghosts like me. The best approach would be to show him all of this stuff and say "have you seen all this sh*t your friend has been posting?" And do you you know about X Y and Z she's also been saying? My love, you need to shut this down" Edited February 20 by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 Seems like your bf enjoys the attention. He needs to enforce some boundaries with this friend. Instead, it seems he is tacitly accepting/encouraging her. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 My heart sank reading this and it’s clear she has mental health issues, likely severely repressed in her upbringing and unclear what her obligations are in regards to her boyfriend in Oregon. Severe insecurities with self and self image. You say they’re both south Asian. Your bf is simply a crutch and she’s using him to alleviate whatever she’s going through. He probably knows she has mental health issues and doesn’t want to rock the boat but at this point you both might want to distance yourselves and no longer be part of it. Ask your boyfriend what he thinks and feels of the situation and how it would affect him if you did the same thing posing with another man for photos or spent a lot of time with another man in a similar way or with someone who was racist or derogatory. Your boyfriend may be the problem if he supports this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 (edited) I don't think your bf shares the same feelings about her as you do. If she is this terrible and crazy, why does he keep hanging out with her? Are you sure he isn't actually cheating on you with her. I am sure you're going to immediately balk at that suggestion, but why on earth would he keep hanging out with her if she is truly this "crazy". It sounds like you and your bf are not on the same page. On 2/20/2025 at 5:32 PM, Medusa said: How do I get him to see that he doesn't need to keep giving this woman any time or space? If you even need to ask this, you are in the wrong relationship. If he is giving a person like this his time, and continuing to hang out with her, then he is not as committed to you as you think he is. He obviously likes the attention he's getting from her. Maybe he is getting more than just attention from her. You can't "make" him see anything. Edited February 22 by ShyViolet 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Like I said on the other site...the problem is with your BF. If you don't put your foot down and let him know how disrespected you feel, he's gonna keep playing stupid and get away with it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 I'd be telling the BF to shut this crap down quick smart or I will, and I wouldn't care less what the status of their friendship was. She's an immature idiot and a trouble-maker. How would all this be making her partner feel? You've been together with your BF for 6 years, that's long enough to have rights, and one of them is taking over and shutting this down yourself if he's too gutless. Tell her in no uncertain terms that what she's doing is super disrespectful towards you and your BF, and also towards her BF, tell her to grow up and F off. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 1 minute ago, MsJayne said: I'd be telling the BF to shut this crap down quick smart or I will, and I wouldn't care less what the status of their friendship was. She's an immature idiot and a trouble-maker. How would all this be making her partner feel? You've been together with your BF for 6 years, that's long enough to have rights, and one of them is taking over and shutting this down yourself if he's too gutless. Tell her in no uncertain terms that what she's doing is super disrespectful towards you and your BF, and also towards her BF, tell her to grow up and F off. If the bf isn't willing to tell the girl this herself, and hasn't told her this on his own already, then going to the girl herself to tell her that is just pathetic. What she should really be doing is dumping the bf. Plain and simple. The bf has been purposely allowing this and I'm sure secretly enjoying it. He is the one that has enabled this situation and it's completely disrespectful. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: If the bf isn't willing to tell the girl this herself, and hasn't told her this on his own already, then going to the girl herself to tell her that is just pathetic. What she should really be doing is dumping the bf. Plain and simple. The bf has been purposely allowing this and I'm sure secretly enjoying it. He is the one that has enabled this situation and it's completely disrespectful. Agree and disagree. Yes, it's behaviour that should probably make OP question how much respect he has for her, but also OP needs to state her boundaries not just to her BF but also to Crazy Friend. OP's boundaries are being crossed by Crazy so she does have a right to speak up on her own behalf. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 On 2/20/2025 at 2:32 PM, Medusa said: I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we recently had a situation where a "female friend" of his... To put it simply, she was desperate to make herself the center of his attention, To put it more simply: MEN, as a general rule, have ZERO interest in being mere "friends" with women they would not RATHER BE banging. (of course there are exceptions for coworkers, neighbors, friends of family, etc.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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