User828 Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years he is very caring and kind and I trust him a lot. He does have a lot of female friends, many of which I have met and trust and usually I am invited if he is ever hanging out with them. In the past month he’s gone twice to watch sports at a girls house who he is friends with ( but not super close ). The second time he went I told him I trusted him very much but thought the situation was weird, considering I had asked if her boyfriend would be coming and he said they were having issues. I’m not sure if I’m being overly anxious and untrusting or if it is truly weird for him to be watching sports with this girl like my friends say it is. I have been very open to watching sports with him snd his friends. And I am usually invited to most other things. He also has never posted me online and while he snapchats and texts many of his female friends does not seem to send many pictures of me / mention me much. Looking for any advice if I am overthinking things thanks. He is always open to talking about things but this time just reassured me it wasn’t weird and he would never cheat. It’s not physical cheating im worried about more emotional and just looking for any advice. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 (edited) Your friends are right. It's weird of her to ask your boyfriend and not extend the invite to you. It's also weird of him to accept the invitation Edited February 21 by basil67 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 He is hiding you online. Definitely raise holy h! Better yet, I would seriously consider dumping him. If he refuses to publicly acknowledge you (while he shows photos with women friends) what good is he for you? Doesn't matter what reason he gives. All such possible reasons are stupid or deceptive. And btw: you SHOULD be anxious in this situation. It's a frightening situation which does not reassure you. Him giving you short shrift in conversation when you raised your concerns--not good. Reassuring you that he won't cheat--that's also worthless. Many cheaters start out of stupid naivete (of the kind this guy seems to have) rather than out of slick maliciousness. This guy is not setting appropriate boundaries--and that's another reason people cheat. Reflecting back on my experience, anytime I even slightly hesitated to loudly announce and show the world who I was dating meant I was very iffy about who I was dating--and I would have likely denied how iffy I was because I had terrible boundaries back then. This is NOT about what's in his heart. His actions matter. Don't let him hide and evade by telling you his heart is all that matters. That's B.S.--in situations like this, actions also matter. If he can't get where you're coming from, dump him. Don't waste time trying to persuade him of something so basic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 I’m going to disagree with the prevailing opinion this time. I don’t find it particularly weird that your BF’s female friend wants to watch the game with him without inviting you. Maybe she wants to discuss with him her issues with her own BF. In any case, this is their friendship and I don’t see much sense in trying to be included in it. Regarding relationship displays on social media, this really depends on the person. I like showing off and I do post photos with my fiancée, but she doesn’t like posting photos of me and keeps most such stuff under radar. She has a serious relationship that lasted multiple years and her social media from that time doesn’t really reflect that. It is possible that your BF is similar. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 (edited) It’s fine to have friends and friends sometimes go through rough times but I think it’s odd that he’d go through hanging out one on one with this particular friend and cause you to question at all. My other puzzlement is why doesn’t she have other friends such as girlfriends she can confide in without implicating someone else’s boyfriend? The experienced men here wouldn’t even touch this with a 20 ft pole. It’s usually the younger men with lack of discretion and experience who are clueless at life in general that would sign up for the shoulder to cry on to the point where their own relationship is on the line or called into question. This is definitely a situation of good discretion and common sense. There is nothing inherently wrong with having friends of the opposite gender and being supportive but a person has to use their discretion and know where to draw the line. I think your bf is well meaning but doesn’t have good discretion or judgment and to me at this late stage in my life it’s a dealbreaker. Just because you both may be younger doesn’t mean it’s any less important. If he doesn’t fulfill your needs overall such as in being open about your partnership and public about it and it’s important to you, you know the writing is on the wall. Your priorities are very different. Edited February 21 by glows 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 It's a no from me. There's a difference between catching up with this friend for a random coffee without you and going around to her place to hang out and watch tv without you. You've been together long enough that you're an established couple and it's rude of her to invite him and not you. It's probably all innocent and she's just lonely and wants someone to bleat to about the end of her relationship, but that's not on, she needs to find someone other than your partner to bleat to. He's gullible and possibly too kind, she's just bloody rude. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Everyone has different boundaries, but hanging out one-on-one in the other person's house without an invitation being extended to the partner is a hard no from me. It's not about cheating, it's just about the fact that I'd find it disrespectful if my partner did that. And I wouldn't do that to him either. If it was a group hangout, or if the invitation was extended and declined, then my answer would be different. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted 8 hours ago Share Posted 8 hours ago Everyone knows when you are in a relationship you need to adjust how you interact with the opposite sex. This, what he is doing, is inappropriate for someone in a relationship. It doesn't matter if he's "not cheating" it's about your feelings, and how it makes you uncomfortable. And TBH he needs to respect that and stop hanging out with this girl one on one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blueskies Posted 5 hours ago Share Posted 5 hours ago On 2/20/2025 at 7:17 PM, User828 said: Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years he is very caring and kind and I trust him a lot. He does have a lot of female friends, many of which I have met and trust and usually I am invited if he is ever hanging out with them. In the past month he’s gone twice to watch sports at a girls house who he is friends with ( but not super close ). The second time he went I told him I trusted him very much but thought the situation was weird, considering I had asked if her boyfriend would be coming and he said they were having issues. I’m not sure if I’m being overly anxious and untrusting or if it is truly weird for him to be watching sports with this girl like my friends say it is. I have been very open to watching sports with him snd his friends. And I am usually invited to most other things. He also has never posted me online and while he snapchats and texts many of his female friends does not seem to send many pictures of me / mention me much. Looking for any advice if I am overthinking things thanks. He is always open to talking about things but this time just reassured me it wasn’t weird and he would never cheat. It’s not physical cheating im worried about more emotional and just looking for any advice. It does seem that he has an emotional attachment that is most definitely more than simple friendship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.