Author kjo314 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Yea... but what if she jsut e-mailed me because she felt guilty... or because she just wanted to see how I was doing?? It probably won't work the frist time right... this will have to be an ongoing thing for a while I am sure... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 I am worried about the space thing.... I hope she jsut doesn't blow me off and assume that I am jsut being an ass and faking it. I also hopw she doesn't stop... I would liek to keep her in my life... but i don't think I could do it as friends unti lI have lsot all feelings for her and established feelings for someone else.. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Yea... but what if she jsut e-mailed me because she felt guilty... or because she just wanted to see how I was doing?? It probably won't work the frist time right... this will have to be an ongoing thing for a while I am sure... no it's not going to be a one shot deal, i don't see that happening. forget about why she emailed you. that can be changed. the point is it gave you an opening. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 I am worried about the space thing.... I hope she jsut doesn't blow me off and assume that I am jsut being an ass and faking it. I also hopw she doesn't stop... I would liek to keep her in my life... but i don't think I could do it as friends unti lI have lsot all feelings for her and established feelings for someone else.. so don't fake it make it real. you really do have to take the attitude that you don't really give a damn what she thinks and whether she stops. that is why this will be especially hard. there is a paradox involved. you have to not care in order to get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 I got you... and I do have that kind of mind frame.... It would be great.. but.... I just hope I don't chase her away for good... but I trust you I have to go and I will be back at 10 or on tomorrow.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 If ya got anything I should do then please leave it on here Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Whats up...... HAppy MLK !!! Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 hi there kjo--how's it going today? any progress on the dating front? lmk so we can get working on the email--but first we need some 'material'--we won't be making stuff up to her, ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 Yea I'm goin out with some friends again on Tuesday... Hopefully I can actually talk to some people.... She hasn't e-mailed me or called or IM'ed since she sent that e-mail..... So... Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 no we have her in a holding pattern...she's starting to wonder a bit why you have not replied immediately...we have to let it build though...give her some distance, let her start missing you...all that comfort and intimacy,,, the guy she could always rely on to be right there for her and give her a shoulder and rub her neck...lol...now where is he??? where did he go??? why is he not answering me???? what is he doing???? lolol....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 I could only hope that is what she is thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 A relationship is about communication and respect.. Any relationship that games have to be played to make the other wonder why this or why that isn't worth having.. Why ??? Because it isn't a relationship at all.. Being an adult in a respectful relationship means not having to lower yourself to playing hide and seek games.. Which will fail in the end anyhow.. You cannot communicate with someone you are playing games with.. Either do NC or just talk her.. Its simple really...by just talking to her you will not affect the end game.. that history is already written Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 kjo if you want to go with art critic's advice that is fine just let me know so i don't waste my time here ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 kjo if you want to go with art critic's advice that is fine just let me know so i don't waste my time here ok? Relax dude.. I'm just throwing my advice out there.. You aren't wasting your time Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 hey! I'm not a dude! I'm a girl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 relax dudette... I know that Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 ok well i completely respect your opinion i was just directing my other comment to kjo--don't want to be where i'm not wanted ya know Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 A relationship is about communication and respect.. Any relationship that games have to be played to make the other wonder why this or why that isn't worth having.. Why ??? Because it isn't a relationship at all.. Being an adult in a respectful relationship means not having to lower yourself to playing hide and seek games.. Which will fail in the end anyhow.. You cannot communicate with someone you are playing games with.. Either do NC or just talk her.. Its simple really...by just talking to her you will not affect the end game.. that history is already written AC I normally agree with you on everything but I will say this: A woman will not be interested in a man who lays all his cards on the table. It leaves her nothing to look forward to and no challenge. I am not saying all women are like that but if you think of it as a game, then I can understand where you are coming from. It's only a game if you playing it like one. If you have to work at being a challenge, it's a game. If you have to work at being aloof and a little hard to get, it's a game. Any man can be that way that has a LIFE, GOALS and ASPIRATIONS and is CONFIDENT in himself with good SELF-ESTEEM. He will not need to buy her love with gifts, fall over her or put her on a pedestle. She will be attracted to him because he doesn't need to do those things to win her affection. He just needs to be himself. Calm, confident, self-assured, driven to succeed and be going somewhere in his life. She'll want to be a part of that. There's nothing sexy about a man who is insecure and falls all over a woman. You can't buy love, that is true. But you can win a heart much easier if you're interesting, charming, confident and self-assured. If you are, there's no game in that. That's just being yourself and women LOVE that. Like I said, it's only a game if you make it one. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I agree with AC. If you have to go through a bunch of scheming to get her back, the relationship is not worth having. I'm all for NC to give yourself time to recover and get yourself back on solid ground, but if you're doing it just to win her back, you're setting yourself up to be hurt badly once again and you're wasting time you could have spent healing. Stop worrying about what you should be doing in regards to her and what will or won't get results. Instead, worry about what will help you get over her and move on with your life. If she thinks you're an ass because you didn't feel like emailing, who cares? She already said she doesn't want you and she broke your heart, so you don't owe her a damn thing. If she has a problem with that, that's exactly what it is, her problem. I know how much it sucks, but she's made her decision and there's nothing you can do to change it. The only thing you can do is repair your broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 AC A woman will not be interested in a man who lays all his cards on the table. It leaves her nothing to look forward to and no challenge. Maybe while you are getting to know someone for the FIRST time some mystery or vagueness is good.. but when you already know each other and you are broken up all the cards should be on the table or it is a game.. and if all your cards are not on the table then you are not being true to the " relationship " past or present Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 Cygny you have been very helpful... don't leave.... I resepct everyoens opinions and if you read cygny's old posts on this thread it is the same thing... I am forgetting about her and moving on... dating others... finding fun things to do. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Like I said, it's only a game if you make it one. Reading through this thread, it looks like kjo is playing quite a game. You're right that women (and people in general) are attracted to people who are confident, self-assured, etc. That's why kjo should stop playing this game with her and try to start accepting that she's gone. It's the worst catch 22 ever, but he's probably only going to have a shot at getting her back when he respects her decision to end things and when he really gets over her instead of just playing at it. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Maybe while you are getting to know someone for the FIRST time some mystery or vagueness is good.. but when you already know each other and you are broken up all the cards should be on the table or it is a game.. and if all your cards are not on the table then you are not being true to the " relationship " past or present Agreed. But let me ask you, I see so many divorces on here where the woman just flat out lost interest. Do you believe it's because there was no communication or that the man just became complacent? To me it's a combination of both, but in order to win and keep a woman interested in you I believe you have to maintain some aloofness. That doesn't mean you don't communicate. I believe that to be essential in any successful relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 I did respect her decision.... I am moving on... If she decides that she wants to come back then that is her decision. I can't make it for her. I CAN better myself in the process and turn myself into a better person. I can also turn into the old me who was very confident etc.... I understand I must do that and that is what Cygny has been talking about. If she comes back it will be because she wants to. I will not persuade her into coming back. I will not beg her. I am not going to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I've always been one that believes in the power of NC.. But when you are broken up you fall into one of 2 catagories.. you are either in or out.. If you are out you do NC to heal and move on. If you are in then you lay your cards on the table and see where the cards fall..in is in this stage that you are trying to communicate If they fall against you then you are back to out... Do NC and move on. I am not talking about being wimpy and falling all over her making an ass out of yourself..I'm talking about COMMUNICATION.. hearing each other out This is the trick.. If there isn't any communication then your are out.. Do NC and move on Link to post Share on other sites
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