kjo314 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 HI guys/gals Look at this... my ex sent it to me..... makes no sense to me and I think it screams commitment issues. How do you deal with that???? She is in grad school in Florida and I am in Ohio.... I got your letter a couple of days ago. Honestly, I don't know where to start. That's why I haven't got back to you. First, I could tell you put a tremendous amount of thought and effort into it. I have never met anyone who can treat me like you can. I am also glad to hear you have spent so much time doing some personal reflection. You know, I am always an advocate for self-awareness. In reading your letter I also came to a discovery. Not exactly about you, but about myself. Everything you said was relevant, made sense, and felt good to hear. But even after all of that, I found that the idea of being in a relationship again was not at all appealing. It isn't you, and never really was. I just feel right now that a commitment of any sort isn't what I need. As soon as I start thinking about what a relationship entails, I cringe. I don't want to complicate my life right now. I have so much responsiblity this semester that I feel it wouldn't be fair to devote myself to anyone but my dog. It just isn't a good time. I also think you should to continue to find out who you truely are without my influence. I want to still talk and be friends but I need something right now that doesn't involve a commitment. What does that mean... Does it not scream commitment problems... We have been broken up for like a month what to do in this situation??? Any ideas?? Why does she break my heart with this kind of e-mail.... "The thought of a relationship makes me cringe" OUCH I treated her like gold and she made me fly down to Florida every weekend for like 3 months and I did it out of love. I am over her but this e-mail has thrown me for a 180 !!!!!!!!!!! We were together for a year and a half I don't undetstand this! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Moving my comments to the other thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I don't see commitment issues here. She's being honest in saying that a relationship is not a priority for her at the moment. I am sorry that you are wanting more from her and I have been there, but you have to respect her wishes. And she's right, it's not you, it's her. She knows that she doesn't have it in her to commit at the moment, and that's okay. At least she is not leading you on. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Sounds a lot like my Ex. Then again, she said that to me and started dating someone else. It's OK for her to be scared of committment. Realize the more you try and push her towards committment the harder she will try to get away. Give her the space she needs and if she comes back, great. If not, it wasn't meant to be. But never push, that's the worst thing you can do. PS: Please tell me she's a Gator and not a Nole or Cane! Link to post Share on other sites
suunto Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 What does that mean its all there in her letter, she's never met anyone who treats her like you do but she doesn't want to be with you, its because she doesn't feel any attraction for you, your always there, your no challange to her and she just feels empty inside for you, either walk away now or start doing things to make her feel that spark inside:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 How do you maek her feel that spark inside when you are 950 miles away???? Also will that push her away more??? I don't know what to do... Yes she is a Seminole Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 Also a mental health counseling master student Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 How do you maek her feel that spark inside when you are 950 miles away???? Also will that push her away more??? I don't know what to do... At this point it's really out of your hands. There isn't much you can do but focus on yourself, which should be #1 in this situation. Let go, accept it for what it is and move on. The longer you delay doing so the longer it will take to heal. There's nothing anyone can do to force someone to come back to them. The old adage "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you they are yours. If not, it was never meant to be..." is about as accurate as you can get. Yes she is a Seminole See, that's her problem right there. Wrong school GO GATORS! Sorry, all jokes aside, focus on yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 Ok she sent me another e-mail........ I just emailed you to see how life in the world of Kenny was doing? I just had my first week of classes and and I am still reeling from it all. I had my first practicum class, but all they did was go over the kind of paperwork we need for each client so I didn't get to see anybody. I thought I might get to teach this semester, but it turned out all the positions were filled by returning teachers so I will have to wait and see about next semester. I am still holding out for one more assistantship opportunity which I hope I get. I would be helping my fave prof teach a class, so I really hope I get it! I have a really long weekend this week with not too much homework so I've just sort of been chillin'. I went out for pizza with my grad school buddies yesterday and then watched a movie with them later. I am trying to be more sociable, so I am having a movie night at my place tomorrow and hopefully people will show up! Speaking of people, I am getting a third roommate unfortunately. She is moving in on Monday. We were kind of forced into it, but at least she is nice and not too weird. Even if she is weird, I can deal with that. We are all a little crazy in the mental health profession. Grits is good, she starting making these noises around us that doesn't resemble anything that a dog should be able to do. And I don't know why she does it, but its hilarious. Other than that, life has been pretty low-key. I've been trying to adjust to the new semester and helping my friend, Stephanie, plan her wedding. She is getting married March 4, and needs ideas. It's fun. We got a new girl, Kate, in our program from New Orleans. I think I might hang out with her tonight. I might also get a job where my friend, Sharmeen works at the YMCA. She teaches/watches kids and they need somebody. I figured since I want to work with little kids it would be a good thing to do. How are things with you? How are the kids at Alexander? What's life like in Athens? What's the latest gossip? Are you graduating soon? How's the family?? Feel free to call if you want to chat or need anything. What do you do in this situation.... I don't know.. Do i not contact her or do I??? What to do.......... What does this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 the good part is that she likes you. the bad part is that she's treating you like a friend and you want to be more. did you ever send her that other email you were advised to? if not, now is the time to send it or even better something more flirty and humorous and challenging. in fact this is a great opportunity for you to seize the day and save it. if you reciprocate friendship with meat and potatoes style, you will always fall into that category for her. you need to be a challenge to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 The one abnout needing to date someone ready to date... I sent it yesterday... She sent me this one today... What do I do? I got people telling me she is only thinking about her self and could care less about me and that I need to not reply to her or and I got people telling me that I need to establish contact with her again and be her friend... what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjo314 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 What should I put in my next e-mail? OR should I even e-mail her back.. Do I have any chance here of getting her back at all?? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 yes you have a chance but there is not guarantee--i am going to answer on the other thread -it is too confusing to have 2 going on... Link to post Share on other sites
meltwithme Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 What you need to know: *She doesn't want you. - Please save yourself tons of missery and walk away now without ever looking back, there is nothing you can do now and even though you think you might be able to work things out, even if things seemed fine she has thought about it for a long while and decided it wasn't worth it. Don't lose your balls like I did, it will turn her off more, sorry to say but for whatever reason she is done with you. *She goes to FSU, you know at that school, on that campus, she will be seeing someone soon,she will either find a new boyfriend (if she hasn't already and just doesn't want to tell you, women usually don't leave a man who treats them well, unless they know they got their claws into someone else) or if that BS about not wanting a relationship is actually true it will just be casual drunk college boinking. - Either way don't stick around to find out. She wants nothing to do with you. Get out and start protecting your heart now. Sorry if I made you feel bad, but that's just the reality of your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted January 17, 2006 Moderators Share Posted January 17, 2006 Read the following response, understanding that what I am about to say is not a criticim of you, but merely insight into what happened to your relationship. Take it however you will right now, but when you think about it, in time, you will see this is close to the reality of the situation you faced. She wrote to you: I found that the idea of being in a relationship again was not at all appealing. Read: She does not want a relationship with you. a commitment of any sort isn't what I need. Read: She wants to be able to spread the love to as many guys as she pleases, without remorse or guilt. As soon as I start thinking about what a relationship entails, I cringe. Read: She has major problems with being in a monogamous relationship with one partner. I also think you should to continue to find out who you truely are without my influence. Read: She doesn't want you as a partner, and wants you to move on. I want to still talk and be friends but I need something right now that doesn't involve a commitment. Read: She wants to mess around with guys and leave you in the friends zone so that she can continue to feed off of you emotionally when she needs to. I treated her like gold and she made me fly down to Florida every weekend for like 3 months and I did it out of love. BIG mistake. You gave her exactly what she wanted all the time. That meant that you only came off as a "yes man"/wuss to her when you did that. Stop it. Never do exactly what a woman wants all the time, ever again. Women subconsciously love to wonder about the status of the relationship. They feed off the emotional energy of it all. Oh, don't expect any female to admit to it, but deep down, at a level even they don't completely understand themselves, they do. The ole, "Does he like me, or does he not ... and if not, why doesn't he? What's wrong with me if he doesn't? If he does like me, why isn't he here this weekend? What's going on? ... what IS he doing this weekend, anyway?" THAT is what gets their blood sizzling. No offense meant, but let me put it this way: If you hadn't gone down every weekend, she might have ended up getting so worked up that she HAD to see her way clear to go find you and reassure you of how much you meant to her. Why do you think that girls keep buzzing around guys that seem to either; (a). have no time for them, or; (b). don't want to spend every moment with them? Two word answer: Mysteriousness. Challenge. I am over her... No, you most certainly are not. If you were, the e-mail wouldn't have meant a damn. Move on. Oh, and for heaven's sake don't ... and I repeat DON'T ... just be her friend. Watch and see what might happen if she doesn't get that emotional fix from seeing or talking to you anymore. Oh ... and if she does come around. Don't make yourself available to her. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 She lives along way away now KJO.... and I hounestly believe from what you told us you are no chance. But im just curious, if she said she wanted you back, would you really blow all your cash flying 1000 miles away each weekend? I wouldnt be making any drastic moves for this girl like moving or taking plane trips every weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Read: She wants to be able to spread the love to as many guys as she pleases, without remorse or guilt. Read: She has major problems with being in a monogamous relationship with one partner. Read: She wants to mess around with guys and leave you in the friends zone so that she can continue to feed off of you emotionally when she needs to. Curt Speaking as a woman, I don't believe that you can infer that she wants to be with other guys just from what she said in that letter. Stop to think--maybe you are projecting onto her your own male viewpoint and interpretation of what you would mean if you said those things. What she is saying is that she feels emotionally pressured and wants to be free from that. It may be true that she is ready to go out with other men but from what I know about this woman specifically, she is not going to suddenly become a voracious sex animal and spread the love indiscriminately. (check out the other thread on this). The rest of the stuff you said about mystery and challenge, I somewhat agree with. Just don't take it too far. Link to post Share on other sites
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