Losing Complete Interest in Relationships..

[DacaInaru]

Ok.. so.. here goes.. I have been doing that whole online dating things.. and off line dating thing for a few months now.. after my second divorce 3 years ago.. I took a break and then of course my family and friends started on the you can't be alone for ever deal..

 

so, I figured ok.. maybe they're right and started dating...

 

here is the thing.. I know think they are wrong..

 

I've been dating guys quite a number of men actually for almost a year now.. and have found that I have had absolutely no interest in any one of them..

 

None of them have had an apppeal.. when I get online to search Its like.. blah blah blah.. there is nothing of interest nothing that I have an interest in..

 

So, is it possible to completely lose interest in having a relationship???

 

See.. I'm perfectly fine alone.. I go out..take a dance class.. enjoy time with my daughter... do as I please.... i'm very independent and the though of having to change in order to have someone is not appealing..

 

when I go out on dates I self sabotage.. so that I don't have to form a relationship with any of the guys..

 

everyone thinks i'm nuts.. cause I come from a traditional latino family where being alone for a women isn't really an option..

 

its funny cause i've been told i'm depressed and need counseling and medication yet.. I am seriously the happiest I've been in year..

 

so is it possible to lose complete interest in having a relationship with someone.. is it ok for someone to choose to remain alone??

 

what do you guys think?

[ReluctantRomeo]

so is it possible to lose complete interest in having a relationship with someone.. is it ok for someone to choose to remain alone??

 

After one relationship I stayed single for a couple of years. Out of choice. I really wasn't ready to go again and I threw myself into a fun single life. After a couple of years, the desire returned.

[SmoochieFace]

I will say that if I wasn't in a relationship right now then I would probably go celibate. I am very fortunate to be involved with a great woman and they are increasingly becoming rare. The *21st century woman* and her lifestyle simply doesn't appeal to me.

[Craig]

It's ok to be single if that is what you want. Take the time you need to be single and if the desire returns, it returns. If it doesn't then there is no loss according to what you wrote. The worst thing you could do, in my opinion, is to try to live your life according to what you think other people are thinking you should do.

[soar eyes]

I feel the same way. After being left with an 8 month old from my exbf 3 yrs ago. I have met men that are crucially committment phobia, to men who are married and just want a fling. Can't even get to know them. I am so discouraged as well. I am trying to find things to keep myself occupied and perhaps I won't die an oldmaid.

[Sami_D]

If you're happy being single, then why go searching, and trying to find somone for the sake of it..? As long as you have a full social life where you're meeting new people, if the right person comes along and you're ready, then everything should fall into place.

 

Having said that, if you really are questioning yourself (rather than just responding to peer or family pressure), and think you are self-sabotaging, then perhaps you could look into whether you still have some fears of going further with people that are residual from your other relationships. Wouldn't hurt to do a bit of questioning. Good idea to post here about it. Good luck.

[bluetuesday]

i think i have always been happier alone.

 

one-on-one relationships are never something i have actively sought, and when they've come along i've fallen into them because i have bridget jones-style fears about getting old and dying alone and being eaten by alsatian dogs... and it's nice to be loved, i guess. and it's nice to love back.

 

but when the relationships have ended (hastened no doubt because my heart's never really been in them) i've been happier. i truly believe i'm the best version of myself when i'm single.

 

it may be that for you this passes and one day you'll be ready to commit again. i am the opposite of that. i go through phases of thinking i'd like someone, but my usual state is that i wouldn't.

[dgiirl]

oh oh be careful! Mr right might be right around the corner I've experienced it, and heard many others confirm, right when you give up searching and start to become fully comfortable with yourself and your singleness, you meet the right guy Then you get pissed cos you were just starting to enjoy your singleness and you now have to have a relationship lol

 

I wouldnt sweat it. If you are happy with where you are right now, embrace it for all it's worth! At the end of the day, all we really want is to be happy. So if you are, be thankful and appreciate it!

[Hellfire]

I wouldnt go out on dates, but instead become friends with guys, then get to like them, then consider dating....

[justagirliegirl]

Thanks for posting this and admitting it. This is how I feel. Relationships for the most part have been more trouble than they are worth. My attitude is like why bother when most of them end anyway.

 

I like being alone. I think there is such a huge pressure to couple up and if you don't people think there is something wrong with you but then you look at how miserable their lives are, maybe they are the ones with something wrong with them.

 

Plus I have been there and done that with the marriage and kids and it was the worst years of my life. I had never felt so alone in my life than when i was married. Plus I had to give up myself and put everything about me on the back burner to cater to my husband and rasie kids.

 

I am in a relationship now and I really am happy in it but I don't think it will last and if it ends, I'll just stay alone. It just isn't worth it to me.

[JS17]

I've been getting the pressure too but I still don't think I'm ready. I don't have much interest in a relationship. Kinda feeling like you can't live with them and you can't live without them right now. I agree with justagirliegirl, they're more trouble than they're worth....except I don't think I've ever been in a relationship with anyone that really liked me so maybe that's why I don't think that they're worth it.

[soar eyes]

JS17,

That is so funny, out of all the relationships Ive been in my entire 44 years there was one guy, knew me from cover to cover. The most fulfilling and spiritual relationship I've had. And yes, that ended. It's funny if you think about it. They do always end now that I think about it. Good or not so good. They end and I always come back to being single and feeling lonely sometimes. I get more accomplished for myself being single.

[newbby]

i'm usually happier single aswell. it's when you can be more focused on what really matters in life, without the distraction or having to deal with somebody elses emotions.