Recently Seperated and depressed

[Darin]

I've only been reading the forums for a couple days, and only registered today. I appreciate the advice people give and hope that I can get some good advice for my situation.

 

My girlfriend and I have not been married, so I suppose this could be seen as the wrong forum, but I certainly was ready to marry her any day and feel in my heart that type of bond. Just for informative purposes, I am 26 years old, she is 24.

 

We have been together for almost 4 years, and (I know this will be the first "red flag") we met on the internet. After about 4 months of knowing eachother, visiting (she flew to my home once, I to hers, and we met several times in a city between ours [st. Louis -> Atlanta]) I moved to Atlanta, by the graces of my employer having an opening. When I moved down initially I rented a place from a person, and she stayed at her house -- though I spent most of my nights there, etc. We eventually moved in together about 2 years ago.

 

I am in love with her, I love our relationship. We have two kittens, and both agreed that our "family" was beautiful and growing. I love her parents, they have truly been like family to me -- since I have moved so far from my family and my friends. I love her strengths as much as I cherish her weaknesses, she is the most beautiful woman in my world, my best friend, and so much more.

 

Well, I know that she's been unhappy in our relationship for a couple months. She tells me that she has done this before with her previous boyfriend (who she dated for a bout 2 years, almost 2 years before we met). Apparently, she feels like she gets "bored" in the relationship, and then feels trapped. There's a lot more to it though.

 

She says she's not attracted to me anymore. She met another person, online, and she talks to him often -- and now has admitted that she feels like she may have "feelings" for him, which is what started our separation. She says she wants to figure out what she wants, etc, and has admited to wanting to date this guy.

 

Now, before you all scream "Affair!" I agree, and so does she, that she has been emotionaly unavailable to me for at least a month. She also admits that her emotional wandering is infedility, in one fashion, and is apparently very upset at the fact that she did that to us.

 

The other thing you may want to know is that, despite living together for 2 years and being together 4, we have never had sex. I am not a virgin, but she believes in saving sex for marriage. I have supported her (obviously) despite living together, etc.

 

I guess, especially in writing this, that I feel inside that this is completely over. I feel like maybe things were too rushed in the beginning, and that maybe since I moved her it put pressure onto her for the last couple of years that she had to stay with me. I know she cares for me greatly, we have had several cry sessions together over the last week and she says that she is scared to leave because she is afraid she's wrong about her feelings and that I won't ever be able to forgive her.

 

I suppose my question is, is there any hope left? I want to hope, more than anything in the world. I want to hope this will help not only affirm her feelings for me, but also help us devlope into a marriage that I have wanted so badly.

 

The lease on our apartment is up in march, and if things haven't progressed I am likely to move back to St. Louis. At the moment, my depression is multiplied by the fact that I lost my job 2 months ago, and with it most of my friends have disapeared (as they were mostly work friends that weren't really my friends, outside of work -- I spent 99.9% of my effort and thoughts on her, not finding real friends -- and she did the same with me, both of her best friends from high school have moved away and are now married). Also, I am depressed without anyone to really talk with (in person), nor anyone to hug or cry on, and all I really want is for her to come back so I can cry and hold onto her.

 

I also fear, greatly, that if I do move back, and her feelings change, that we won't be able to repair our relationship due to the space between us. I feel that moving back would be like burning all bridges that remain, and since I love her so, I am deathly afraid of that.

 

Ultimately, when I read your stories, marriages that have lasted 20+ years and resulted in seperation and divorce, I feel like my story is petty -- but believe me, at the moment it feels anything and everything but petty.

[Darin]

I decided to move this post to the second chances forum -- I will check back her efor any responses though!

 

Thanks.

[Mistaken Identity]

Is there any correlation between you losing your job and her boredom with the relationship? Also, from a woman's point of view, you need to show her you can be strong. No crying.