Is it worth it or give up?

[Randomloser5]

Context: (English isnt my first language so some translations might be werid) Im im my 20s, never dated, never been aproched, idk if a girl liked me, it was when we were 12, so i have no idea what im doing and i hate my low self esteem

 

I know this girl since like kindergardenwe were good friends, we also went to the same primary school but we grew apart and more focused on own friends, but going to after primary school we went seperate ways and ive lost contact with her for like 6 years. Recently we have met on a train and we both were going to collage so we caught up and my god talking with her so fun and saw she also was having fun. I havent had someone talk to me like this in a long time (geniually giving a s*** on what im saying) so it was a confidence boost. So decided screw it, lets try. Askes her for a first date. She said she has a pretty bussy week but said YES, however the date was a whole week away. So because i was scared she was gonna lose interest i was texting her some short stuff (not constantly, on avrg once per day). At first she gave a short response, then a reaction, then nothing. So im thinking its over so i stoped texting.

 

 Day before date. Im considering writing to her that i feel like there wasnt much interest in the first place, thx for giving me a chance etc. But out of the blue she text me that she is sorry but she just cant go on this date. Her aunt is in a bad state in the hospital, shes stressed over what will happend with the aunts pets and she isnt comfortable dating around when her aunt is dying. 

 

That explains some stuff and the lack of texts, i replied i completly understand and know how she feels and if she needs someone to talk to im here.

 

Couple of days later, i texted her "hey, how are you doing, how are you handling all of this, if you arent comfortable with replying thats ok"

 

She replied "its kinda ok" and that shes trying to find new owners for the aunts pets and if i know someone. I said i can ask around and that im really happy to help in any way. 

 

Today

Asked some people, some are interestex but wanted more details. So i asked her for a bit more details, she said some but also that she cant remeber all of them and will send me the rest later.

 

She didnt send anything later. 

 

So now what im thinking. I will finish this help with pets situation but what after that. Is it ok to ask her again for that date? Idk if i even want to, the fact of that i have to initiate conversation every time hurts and makes me feel like i care more about her than she does about me. 

 

I said i have no idea what im doing lol

[Yinyangblondie]

I would let her come to you, if she wants to start a conversation again. She doesn’t seem that interested otherwise she would have suggested rescheduling the date after she canceled. 

[ShyViolet]

She is not interested.  Don't ask her out again.  She already cancelled the date you had, and gave some excuses which might be true but totally might not be the real reason she cancelled.  If she was interested in you she would have either kept that date with you, or suggested rescheduling it.

[FredEire]

I got started in dating a little bit later as well, I was even 21 when I lost my virginity! So try to put your inexperience out of your mind and put yourself out there, you'll make mistakes in dating but that's natural.

I don't think you did too much wrong here, maybe the texting before the date was a bit overbearing and put her off a bit, I'm only guessing. It's quite common to be a little big too pushy when you're putting too much importance on the date, you want to keep it light and flirty.

Either way you were right to back off a bit when she started talking about her life problems. In my experience life problems is a way of creating distance and usually means she's losing interest in meeting up again. Let her come to you, if she wants to she will and if not just chalk it down.

But please don't feel it's your "fault". There's no magic formula to dating and these things happen all the time to pretty much everyone. The best strategy is to feel your best, look your best, get really busy with work and hobbies, talk to as many interesting women as you can just with the aim of feeling it out rather than some kind of forced PUA strategy, and most importantly have fun and try not to take anything too seriously that doesn't merit it!