8 days of NC

[skeptik224]

Hey, UT...how are you feeling today?

[UT_longhorn]

skeptic...

 

thanks for the follow up...yea..i do feel much better today. for some reason i think yesterday was the day that i realized shes not coming back. its really over for her. i was hoping...praying...waiting for her call. but i think yesterday it hit, and the second wave of sadness and panic came. today, i realize that i must go on. must move on.

 

everyone speaks of working on themselves after a break. i need to do that. improve myself...wether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally. i do realize this is going to be a long trip and that day 9 is really not that long.

 

i know there's somebody out there for me that will love me unconditionally. and i also know now that in the future, space is a GOOD thing in relationships. that we need time to ourselves and also with each other.

 

how is everybody else holding up? whats the stories so far on your ends guys/gals?

[riobikini]

UT,

 

It's good to hear you're having a much better day!

 

And, as for how I'm doing, -hey! I'm having dinner with someone this week.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[UT_longhorn]

Rio! Im happy to hear that. I hope that gives you a chance to get your mind off things.

 

Who's the lucky guy?

[UT_longhorn]

ok. im starting to feel bad again this afternoon. i guess this is the up and down thing. ill be doing well, then ill suddenly go down. but when i go down, its not as low as before. hopefully ill just keep progressing up.

[CaliGuy]

ok. im starting to feel bad again this afternoon. i guess this is the up and down thing. ill be doing well, then ill suddenly go down. but when i go down, its not as low as before. hopefully ill just keep progressing up.

 

You'll have up and down days. In begging more down than up but once you truly let go you'll have more up than down. Eventually you will rarely think of her, especially if you met someone new.

 

The girl I recently met, I can't believe my luck. As soon as I let the ex go, BAM, someone new came into my life that at least on the surface is 1000 times better for me.

 

Sure, I still think about the ex, but it reminds how thankful I am that I am not stuck in a rut of a relationship with a cold, indifferent, selfish, hypocrite of a person who only cares about herself and her needs and could care less about me.

 

Why would I ever want that in my life?

[UT_longhorn]

caliguy..i hope i can say the same in the future.

 

the thing is my ex was not cold and selfish. but i guess then again, she wasn't overly warm and ultra caring. im missing her again. i hate when i start to feel like this.

 

but i have to learn...its like this. changes by the hour almost. but looking back from 1 week ago, I'm so much better. whew..was that a nightmare or what!

[CaliGuy]

caliguy..i hope i can say the same in the future.

 

the thing is my ex was not cold and selfish. but i guess then again, she wasn't overly warm and ultra caring.

 

read: Indifferent. It still hurts.

 

im missing her again. i hate when i start to feel like this.

 

Somehow, someway, you need to let go.

 

but i have to learn...its like this. changes by the hour almost. but looking back from 1 week ago, I'm so much better. whew..was that a nightmare or what!

 

Measured progress is good. I was a complete wreck the first time my ex left me. I expected it the second time and wasn't going to allow myself to feel that way again. Ever.

[UT_longhorn]

let me ask some women this question...when a woman looses feelings for a man...is it impossible to reconcile afterwards. from what ive been hearing..once the feelings are gone for a woman...its impossible to get back together.

[Lonestar]

let me ask some women this question...when a woman looses feelings for a man...is it impossible to reconcile afterwards. from what ive been hearing..once the feelings are gone for a woman...its impossible to get back together.

 

Not necessarily. It all depends on how intense the relationship was and if there are bonds to tie them for life, namely kids. But many people do fall out on love and then back in love with the same person after time goes by.

[skeptik224]

UT...I'm gald your morning was ok. I imagine your moods are going to be up/down each day, hour or minute. Good days...bad days... You just need to embrace each of them and go through them. I still have them...one minute I'm nice and happy and the next I'm a raving ass. I'm actually putting myself back in therapy - with a new therapist to work on some issues that this current situation has made me realize that i haven't worked through. I'm thinking about joining a gym, too...Couldn't hurt...and will only help.

 

CALI - Glad to hear you've met someone. Just go slow my friend. Make sure you are getting what you need out of this new venture.

 

RIO - I hope you have a good time with the new guy...He's a lucky man!

[CaliGuy]

CALI - Glad to hear you've met someone. Just go slow my friend. Make sure you are getting what you need out of this new venture.

 

Not to hijack the thread but this woman is 2 years YOUNGER than the ex and much more mature. She's well educated (MBA), is financially stable (owns a house), communicates well and we can talk for hours and never get bored. We like picking each other's brains. I can't believe my luck, I mean seriously.

 

If this is the one then I will say this. I have never lost faith in God. He always has a good plan for our lives and even when I felt at my wits end I trusted in Him.

 

Those that give up the faith, I pray you keep it. It gets better. I mean as soon as I let go of the ex this great woman walks into my life. That's how it always happens and man, each day I spend talking to her the more thankful I am that the ex dumped me. Talk about a silver lining to every cloud.

 

WOOT!

[skeptik224]

You aren't hijacking the thread, jackass. Isn't it amazing how life works? How many times did you and your ex break up? For some reason, I get to previous threads to get the story. It's great that you "pick" each others' brain...challenge in wits is always a good thing. I must say that I've kind of given up on the God thing right now. I'm actually kind of mad at God. I'm sure that will change in time, but I'm pretty frustrated with what life's thrown me these past few months. Not knowing your whole story, I'll bet that if your ex finds out that you're dating and happy, she'll be dialing your digits yet again.

[UT_longhorn]

caliguy...thats really great for you. that gives me hope for something better in the future. and yes skeptic...its up and down every other hour. im just so tired of living like this. i just want to be happy. i dont feel like ive seen sunshine for a loooong time.

 

its so difficult to stop that voice in my head saying "shes going to come back". "shes going to want to work it out". it ****S me up!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

yesterday evening...i really did let go...and say that Im going to move on and look torward the future..and here again at the end of today, I feel hopeless and lonely.

 

i got to get back into that mode yesterday and keep myself there for a while. i am hijacking my self emotionally all the time.

 

i mean...we broke up on decent terms. why doesnt she even want to see how i am? do i mean that little? ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[CaliGuy]

You aren't hijacking the thread, jackass. Isn't it amazing how life works? How many times did you and your ex break up? For some reason, I get to previous threads to get the story. It's great that you "pick" each others' brain...challenge in wits is always a good thing. I must say that I've kind of given up on the God thing right now. I'm actually kind of mad at God. I'm sure that will change in time, but I'm pretty frustrated with what life's thrown me these past few months. Not knowing your whole story, I'll bet that if your ex finds out that you're dating and happy, she'll be dialing your digits yet again.

 

Skeptik, don't you know the story of Job? If you want to talk about someone that had a right to be angry with God, there's your prime example. But he never lost faith. Heck even his wife said he should curse God.

 

But I tell you man, it's much easier to give up than to have faith. God knows your pain man and He has a better plan for you, you just have to continue to believe.

 

Given where I was when the ex and I broke up and where I am now, at no point during that time did I ever lose faith. Heck, even after my mom died I thanked God for taking her off this earth and taking the pain away from her. She's much better off where she is now. She wanted more time with me, now she is with me always. She got her wish.

 

I guess what I am saying is when you are at your lowest that is when you be seeking Him out. He's a good father and will never let you down, as long as you continue to have faith.

 

And if the ex finds out I am dating she probably won't care. She'll probably see me next week at my client's sight. If she calls me, I'll do the same thing I do to her emails.

 

Ignore them.

[CaliGuy]

caliguy...thats really great for you. that gives me hope for something better in the future. and yes skeptic...its up and down every other hour. im just so tired of living like this. i just want to be happy. i dont feel like ive seen sunshine for a loooong time.

 

its so difficult to stop that voice in my head saying "shes going to come back". "shes going to want to work it out". it ****S me up!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

yesterday evening...i really did let go...and say that Im going to move on and look torward the future..and here again at the end of today, I feel hopeless and lonely.

 

i got to get back into that mode yesterday and keep myself there for a while. i am hijacking my self emotionally all the time.

 

i mean...we broke up on decent terms. why doesnt she even want to see how i am? do i mean that little? ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

Because she was over the relationship before it ended. You weren't. She had plenty of time to accept and move on when she was ready. You didn't. It's not fair, but that's how it usually works.

 

In your case you haven't let go. When you do, it won't hurt nearly as much. You need time man.

 

You really do need to get out, hang with friends, go to the gym, divulge time in hobbies, learn to play the guitar, etc. Do things to fill up your time (instead of hanging out here like me, haha). Trust me, it makes the time go by faster and every day you think a little bit less about her.

[CLEO]

I think caliguy is right.she was ready before she ended .

 

i had been in your situation before. found that he was fine without me ( i never check or tried to find out ' though) but that what i assume and iam not going to ask his "mercy".

 

he said when we broke up that he didnt miss me anymore even before we really ended and he wanted to stop the relationship. so maybe this is what is going on now in your life.

 

frankly, my ex and i broke up recently. and it has been NC for 12 days .

What i have been doing by far is met up with frens almost everyday, went to gym ,calling my buddies, my fam, ... basically... i went out everyday and kept my self busy. and the other important thing I do is telling my self that IT IS OVER and forgive him . the memory comes back and hit me many times but i said to my self.. from time to time... DONT LOOK BACK. I DROP IT .. and i keep on telling my self one day i will find the right person.

 

Motivate your self and dont blame your self. everyone made mistake but dont get overwhelmed. you are not alone... if i can do .. u can do it...

[UT_longhorn]

DAY 11:

 

I dont feel like I've progressed at all from day 8. This is ****ing retarded. Why am I waiting for her. Why can't I just let it go. I can't believe I'm being like this. I'm holding on to anything. At least I've stayed strong enough to maintain NC.

 

Guys I need your support. Why are things just not getting better? I thought I'd feel beeter by now, but I know that I haven't fully accepted the fact that she isnt coming back. im holding on to hope. I kept telling myself this morning "its over..move on" over and over again. And it sort of worked...then this afternoon again I have this monster urge to call her.

 

How long am I gonna feel this way? Honestly guys. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

I just want this feeling to end. I'm so sick of being this way. Will time stop this? Do I just need more time? Is it still early? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skeptik224]

It's still early, UT. Don't be too hard on yourself. It'll take some time to get past the point that you're at.

[CaliGuy]

DAY 11:

 

I dont feel like I've progressed at all from day 8. This is ****ing retarded. Why am I waiting for her. Why can't I just let it go. I can't believe I'm being like this. I'm holding on to anything. At least I've stayed strong enough to maintain NC.

 

Ok so consider that step one. You have to get to step one to get to step two. You're on the right track.

 

Guys I need your support. Why are things just not getting better?

 

Because it takes time in addition to comitting yourself to letting go, COMPELTELY. Until you have let go completely your subconcious is going to keep popping her up in your mind.

 

Also, if you tell yourself not to think about something, you will end up thinking about it more. Instead of telling yourself to stop thinking about her, focus on fun, interesting, exciting things you like to do. Every time you think of her, focus on something else you like to do. Eventually, after you have let go, you will hardly think of her at all.

 

I thought I'd feel beeter by now, but I know that I haven't fully accepted the fact that she isnt coming back. im holding on to hope. I kept telling myself this morning "its over..move on" over and over again. And it sort of worked...then this afternoon again I have this monster urge to call her.

 

The more you talk to yourself that way, the more you'll think about it. When I say "let it go" it means truly forgetting about it. I know it's hard but don't focus on telling yourself to forget as much as you should focus on other interest and things. Over time, forgetting will happen naturally.

 

It's not easy, it's not fun and it does take time, but it will happen. Focus on good thoughts, not bad.

 

How long am I gonna feel this way? Honestly guys. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

You're not unique in your pain. We've all felt it and we all deal with. The advice I gave you above, if you follow it, should help move things along faster.

 

I just want this feeling to end. I'm so sick of being this way. Will time stop this? Do I just need more time? Is it still early? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Good, I am glad you feel that way. It's a requirement to let go completely. When you are fed up with feeling this way then your heart and your mind will both be on the same page and letting go will be much easier.

 

Only you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps, nobody else can.

[UT_longhorn]

man...thanks guys.

 

i kind of wanted to avoid coming to loveshack, because it keeps on making me think about relationships, relationship problems...etc, but guys like you keep me coming back.

 

i hope i can read this thread in the future and laugh. boy...i cant wait.

 

cali_guy, you really have some solid advice. always makes sense, even to a relationship newbie like me.

 

here i go : man up!

[sweetdreams]

I think it is really a lot better to have NC. I am still in contact with my exx and I regret it horribly. He calls and wants to hang out. I just can't take it so I usually turn him down. He was horrible and doesn't deserve for me to even talk to him. STICK WITH IT!!! It will be worth it in the end. Odds are you are 10 times better off without that ex. You will always find someone better to talk to. Even if it is some strangers on LS. LOL!

[riobikini]

Well, UT, I guess he changed his mind.

 

And they say women are the moody ones!

 

(Smile)

 

I think it may have something to do with my being truthful and fair by giving him information regarding my recent break-up.

 

And that brings me to a question of you:

 

What is the primary thing that men are afraid of regarding dating women who have split from their partner?

 

 

And, UT....to comment on your feeling the 'ups' and 'downs' right now, -you know that's the healing process at work, refining and maturing your emotional intelligence with that persnickety thing called 'love'.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[UT_longhorn]

Rio,

 

I'm sorry to hear that things didnt work out with the new guy? That kind of sucks. But you know, it doesn't seem like you will have any trouble finding more men.

 

Honestly...this healing process is going way too slow for my taste. Day 12 and I'm still hoping that shes coming back. Im such a **** up. I really thought when this all started that by the end of week 2, I would be solid. Not even close. I miss her so much and my heart is having a hard time bearing the ache. Anyways...time to face another day.

 

As for your question :

What is the primary thing that men are afraid of regarding dating women who have split from their partner?

 

I think everybody is pretty cautious about dating someone that is coming out of a relationship. I guess thats what people refer to as "baggage". Maybe he's been burned in the past. But I think men and women avoid people that are fresh out of relationships because there is a chance that it is a "rebound" or the person may go back to the ex. I guess they are minimize the chances for getting hurt.

[riobikini]

UT,

 

He just emailed.

 

We're 'on' tonight.

 

Jeezus! I don't even get that screwy during my you-know-what.

 

That may be too much info.

 

-Rio