Author UT_longhorn Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 talented huh? well i hope i can start getting myself out there and talking to women. i just haven't felt the urge to lately. im going to work out today so hopefully that will help me feel better about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 UT, Working out is good. It runs a close second. But no banana, for me. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 man..thanks honda. 2nd day. man you are pretty level for being day 2. Keep your head up dude. I'm here to help you any time you need any words. i talked to a good friend .. and her words of wisdom were : Really let go. really let go of the thought that she's coming back or we're going to br friends...or anything. i must let her go. i know i was holding on to hope...but today, i deleted her name of my IM. I deleted her numbers from my phone. I vowed not to search for any signs of her. shes not coming back. shes not thinking about me. shes moving on with her life. i must do the same. I MUST move on. I'm sick of being in the same limbo the whole time. Stop feeling sorry for myself. There have been trillions and trillions of heartaches in the world. Mine is not the greatest nor will it be the last. I have grieved now I must push myself to move on. I will grow from this. I will build a thicker skin because of this. I will better myself from this. I will learn from this. I will emerge victorious from this. Im a good catch I have a well paying job. I am tall and have been told good looking. I attract women. I will find love in the future. I am worthy of love and someone new that will treat me great. I'm trying guys. These up and down swings are crazy. How's everyone else doing today? UT, give your friend a big hug. She has helped you more than you realize. Letting go, truly letting go is the quickest, easiest way to heal. No, no part of healing is easy, but letting go allows you to focus on the present and future and forget the past. Who cares if she is in your life anymore? It doesn't matter. Just don't let her control your future by burying you in your past. Take control and let it go! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 caliguy, i'm really trying to make that thought stick. but im already wavering. i just have to keep reading that post. and really stick that idea into my head. i am moving on. she will no longer be a part of my life. i must move on. i must let her go. how are you doing man? hows the day after the meet? you seem to have things pretty under control. can i ask how you were about 2 weeks into NC? And how do you feel now? If you wouldn't mind going into some detail. I know everybody's time frame of healing is different, but I just wanted to listed to a story of hope today. i guess in some sorts a story of victory. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 UT - I'm sorry that you're having a rough time today. It's normal, though. Positive affirmations in that yes, you are a great guy are very good. I have a friend (although female) that when she went through a break-up, she posted good, positive things about her life and herself throughout her house. It helped keep her mind off of that negative stuff and put some great vibes out there. Your friends advice is spot on....your friend, I'm sure, has a much clearer head about them than you do. Once you learn the "lesson", moving on will be so much easier. I believe sometimes it takes a few situations to learn the lesson (maybe a few break-ups). Compare this situatio to past relationships. Is there a pattern? Do you fall for the same kind of people? Once you figure out the pattern, and make moves to change - you'll be able to get over her easier. That's the stage I'm in right now. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 oh, and Rio....I bet you can't wait to find out just how talented he really is.... :p Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 skeptik, i think the reason why this is so hard for me is because i don't have anything to base this on. i am 28 years old and this is the first time someone has broken up with me. my previous relationship was 5 years long and when we broke up, it was a slow, bleeding death which we both tried to ease each other out of the relationship with minimal hurt. f*cked up, but it worked. after my 5 year relationship, all i did was play. never became interested in someone until this last one. now i know...i need to experience more. i need to date more. i need to meet more women. this is my new goal. i will move forward! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 caliguy, i'm really trying to make that thought stick. but im already wavering. i just have to keep reading that post. and really stick that idea into my head. i am moving on. she will no longer be a part of my life. i must move on. i must let her go. Whenever you think of her tell yourself to think of something else you like. That's what I am doing and it helps. Be sure to fill your free time with activities, work out, hang out with friends, etc. Trust me, the days will fly by and sooner rather than later a day will go by that you don't even think about her once. how are you doing man? hows the day after the meet? you seem to have things pretty under control. can i ask how you were about 2 weeks into NC? And how do you feel now? If you wouldn't mind going into some detail. I know everybody's time frame of healing is different, but I just wanted to listed to a story of hope today. i guess in some sorts a story of victory. Well this is my second time with NC with her. The first time I lasted about a week and caved. Had I stuck with it and gotten her out of my mind I would have avoided the pain I recently went through. This time I stuck to NC and I've progressed much faster. It's been about 5 weeks since we had seen each other and though I was a bit nervous I handled the meeting fine. I've accepted and let go. I knew she would move close to her new guy. That's just her, she does everything on a whim without putting much thought into it. Another bad quality of hers. Each day it gets a little bit better. I don't care what she does anymore. Nothing I can do about it and it's absolutely ridiculous for me to worry over something I have no control over. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I would venture to say that this hurts as much as it did for 2 reasons... 1) this is the first girl you've fallen for since the last love 2) you've never been on this end of the spectrum When you were going through the break-up with your last ex, how did you feel? What did you do to ease your pain that way? I mean, whether you are the dumper or dumpee, you still have similar feelings in that the emptiness, aloneness and the hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Roarz Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hey UT, I live close to you (TN Tech) and I'm going through the same hurt. You arn't alone. I only came to this college because of her and I am miserable here. I stuck it out for a whole year waiting for her to get here and I got screwed the first 2 months in. I am kind of shy and don't know many people here and I am stuck until this semester is finished. Mine has already found a new bf while I am still wallowing in pity. I know it's stupid to do, and I know you know it's stupid to do, but sometimes I know you just can't help it. It's just a natural thing, don't be ashamed if you have to break down a grieve for about an hour or so one day. Stick to your NC, it is the best thing ever. I thought I was almost over her. In fact I was feeling great and hadn't thought of her in about a month, and then I find out she has a bf, which sets me back to stage one. Then she IM's me and of course in my weakened state I reply and more drama goes in. Trust me, you are better without knowing anything. Something I heard that helped me out, and I think will help you to put into perspective, is that the girl you used to know is gone. If she was the same, you'd be together still. The person you knew is nothing more than a memory now. Maybe you will get back together, but it still won't be the same girl you knew. You can't ever go back to how things were. Best thing is to just forget and trust me, you will over time. In a weird way I think that losing someone in a relationship is worse than having someone you love die (in the sense of getting over it). When people are dead, there's not really anything to constantly remind you of them and you forget easily. With ex's, they are still here. They're only one phone call away. You're the one that has to make them "dead" so to speak and the only way is NC. Can't wait till I get old and start to forget things I don't wanna know anymore without even trying . Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 i spoke to my mom and my dad yesterday evening. i think my friends are getting tired of me whining to a certain extent but my parents were very supportive. i didnt really ever want to burden them with my pain, but i really needed to hear the support of those who really loved me. they gave me advice, but it was just very good hearing their voices. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 You aren't a burden to anyone, UT...Is today a better day for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 im definately better than yesterday...but pain is still pain. i guess its just all relative. i just want a day to go by where i dont think about her. maybe even an hour. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I'm glad to hear that today is better than yesterday. It's all about progression. There will be a time that goes by where you don't think about her...trust me. It's just going to take some time. What have you started to do to better yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 well...i started working out. ive only went once. but i am going tonight. how about you? do you still think about your ex? how have things been for you in the past week? Link to post Share on other sites
someone_here Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 There will be a time that goes by where you don't think about her...trust me. It's just going to take some time. i really hope that i dont think abt my ex and never remember him. but it is not easy at all. i went to gym 4 timex a week n during work out his image popped up into my mind. i hate this . Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 It's a crappy day today...just pretty emotional. I threw a thread on my feelings. I'm glad to hear that you went to the gym...one time is better than no times. (can you tell I haven't joined yet ) Glad you're going tonight. I have full intentions of joining very soon...I really have no excuse as there's a gym 1/2 a block down from my office. Man, I'm so frickin' lazy sometimes. Someone - If your ex's image shows up while your at the gym, use it to your advantage. Put more weight on or run a little faster. Use that visual - when it pops up - to push you harder. It's an agression thing sometimes at the gym. I'm glad you're going... I'm going to have to check out your story...is it posted? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 well...i started working out. ive only went once. but i am going tonight. how about you? do you still think about your ex? how have things been for you in the past week? You need to go to the gym every day if you can. If you can, try jogging. I would recommend at least 30 minutes a day. If you can do 60 that's even better. Link to post Share on other sites
someone_here Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Someone - If your ex's image shows up while your at the gym, use it to your advantage. Put more weight on or run a little faster. Use that visual - when it pops up - to push you harder. It's an agression thing sometimes at the gym. I'm glad you're going... I'm going to have to check out your story...is it posted? yes, it was posted ... btw.. thanks for your advice. maybe i should take the kick boxing class to release the frustation everytime his image pop up. i guess,it would help a lot... Link to post Share on other sites
someone_here Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I'm going to have to check out your story...is it posted? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t76781/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 caliguy, youre probably right. i should go every day or at least days when i have nothing to do in the evenings. for those of you that have been working out regularly, have you noticed an improvement in your mood? caliguy...how you doing this week? i think its been about 5 or 6 weeks for you. do u feel almost at the point prior to the breakup? or do you feel like you have some time to go? skeptic, i read your post, and its painful reading that because even though our stories are different, our paths are the same. keep your head up man. i feel like all you guys and girls are my comrades and we're fighting this war together. my father was sad that i was going through this, but he sounded so hopeful that i would use this opportunity to better myself. this gave me alot of uplifting. its so weird cause my dad i never talk about anything except topical things, but maybe this experience will give me a chance to get closer to him. another positive thing that comes from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoffrey Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 every day too. But the last time I saw her, she looked MORE down and depressed than I have EVER seen her. Tears, everything. Her house hadn't been touched since I moved out, it was cluttered and pretty dirty. She is going through a severe bout of depression and is pushing everyone away, including her two best friends. LOTS of anger too. She simply isn't functioning and doesn't want to seek the help she so badly needs right now. It all makes me very sad. The last couple of exchanges we had were kinda nasty, so we're back to NC again....for good reason....she doesn't need angry words and neither do I. I don't want to remember her like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 Geoffrey...that would tear me up to see my ex like that. At this point, unless youre the only person in her life that can lead her to help, then I would suggest to stay away. it could put you on another emotional rollercoaster that could hurt you. im sure her best friends will not let her be like that forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoffrey Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 oh, believe me, it HURT. I held her as she cried, dried her tears, tried to comfort her. Then she blew up at me over some misunderstanding about me and one of her friends (she thinks I'm going out with one of them to get back at her.....ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE). She's with someone else right now who is dealing with a terminal illness and is at the end of her rope with it. It's a complicated situation, I don't see it lasting too long, so I'm letting that one play out. Right now, staying away is prob my best option...for my own sanity and maybe hers too. I told her I will not be contacting her, but if she wants to call me or write, then I will respond. She does miss all the things I used to do for her (which is why the house is so messed up). I don't know what else to do besides pray. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 Brother...I knelt and I prayed. I truly believe God has given me strength. I don't know who you pray to, but I can tell you, it cant hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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