How would you interpret this?

[MsJayne]

My ex, (7 months since break up), who is a panel beater, offered to do a repair on my car. He said he was doing a job and would have some gloss finish product left over and would fix my bumper. I asked him how much he would charge me for it, and he said "I'll do it for love" in a cutesy voice. I didn't expect it for free and assumed that a couple of cartons of beer, (around $130 - $140), would sort it, same as if he did it for one of his male friends, because it's not so much about the dollar value as the gesture of appreciation for the favour. Two weeks later he does the repair and afterwards I asked what flavour beer he'd like. He instantly became irritated and declared that it had taken him all day and there was $300 in labour, not to mention the cost of the product. I reminded him that he said there would be no charge, and he said, in a mildly shirty tone, "I said I'd do it for some lovin' ", which is not what he'd said and in my mind has a completely different meaning. I took it to mean he felt I should have sex with him to pay for my bumper repair, (there's been no physical stuff since the break-up, so no reason for him to think he was going to get lucky), and I'm so disgusted with him that I don't think I can even manage being friends with him any longer.  I haven't seen him since, (he drove off looking like he'd sucked on a lemon - probably furious at the massive fail on the manipulation attempt), so our friendship might be done anyway, but I'm interested to know whether other people would see it the same way. 

[Acacia98]

He does sound manipulative. Has he previously been this way? And do you have kids together?

[flitzanu]

i think that's a fair assumption of the words "do it for SOME loving" def suggests sexual favors.

"doing it for love" i'd interpret way differently

(male perspective)

[Els]

I mean, I feel like accepting "favors" from an ex is a terrible idea that generally leads to situations like this. Even just staying in regular contact with an ex is a delicate situation that needs very strict boundaries, which didn't really happen in this case.

If you're not going to go NC (and I understand that that isn't always possible), then you need to treat him like an acquaintance or coworker. And you wouldn't allow your acquaintance or coworker to do work on your car for a carton of beer, surely.

But to answer your question... Yeah still a jerk move by him IMO.

Edited February 25 by Els

[ShyViolet]

Staying friends with him after the breakup was probably not a good idea in the first place, let alone having him work on your car for you.

[Alpacalia]

Hi Ms Jayne. First, sorry to hear of your breakup.

Second, it sounds like it was for the best. His comments do suggest a sexual undertone. His behavior reads as calculated and entitled, not a genuine favor. 

[MsJayne]

On 2/25/2025 at 6:06 PM, Acacia98 said:

He does sound manipulative. Has he previously been this way? And do you have kids together?

No kids. Our relationship was only four years. And yes, the reason we broke up was the manipulative behaviour and chronic gaslighting. 

[MsJayne]

On 2/26/2025 at 8:35 AM, Els said:

I mean, I feel like accepting "favors" from an ex is a terrible idea that generally leads to situations like this. Even just staying in regular contact with an ex is a delicate situation that needs very strict boundaries, which didn't really happen in this case.

If you're not going to go NC (and I understand that that isn't always possible), then you need to treat him like an acquaintance or coworker. And you wouldn't allow your acquaintance or coworker to do work on your car for a carton of beer, surely.

But to answer your question... Yeah still a jerk move by him IMO.

We both live on the same small island and have friends in common so it's hard to avoid him completely, though I haven't seen him since this episode so I'm assuming that at last he's realised there'll be no getting back together. Setting boundaries with this guy is virtually impossible without declaring war, (very high in narcissistic traits), but after the crass insult I now don't have a problem with cutting him dead. 

[S2B]

Pay him a few hundred dollars and cut contact after that.

he did the work - his expectations were different than yours.

[Acacia98]

25 minutes ago, S2B said:

Pay him a few hundred dollars and cut contact after that.

he did the work - his expectations were different than yours.

I like this idea.

32 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

We both live on the same small island and have friends in common so it's hard to avoid him completely, though I haven't seen him since this episode so I'm assuming that at last he's realised there'll be no getting back together. Setting boundaries with this guy is virtually impossible without declaring war, (very high in narcissistic traits), but after the crass insult I now don't have a problem with cutting him dead. 

Honestly, he sounds exhausting. So if this makes it easy to cut him off, great!

[MsJayne]

8 hours ago, S2B said:

Pay him a few hundred dollars and cut contact after that.

he did the work - his expectations were different than yours.

Haha, no way. On the Relationship Balance Sheet I owe him absolutely nothing, he lived at my house rent free for two years while he was building his own place, and stored all his stuff for free too.