I am the other Man (divorced single)

[Strangerpb]

My story is one of magic and passion and friendship. Deep soulful connection and now desperate loss and despair. 
Myself and the MW met 17 years ago in Moscow, (2008) she from Russia me from Ireland. 
we fell in love instantly at the time I didn’t realize it but she knew. Despite both being in relationships we kissed and the spark was never brighter with anyone. 
we spent the first three years over distance and she moved to Europe to Prague. 
my job left me travel a lot and I visited her there but could not stay due to a lack of constant work. she got pregnant and lost the child. (She only told me years later) 

we met every now and then and it was so passionate and magic but I was too young or immature to realize it. We then spent 7 years apart only in touch by fone and mail every now and then.

finally 
we both married. Me first then she 8 months later. (My wife and I had a son)This is when it got serious. 
the day she got married everything went wrong for her on that day and I was a total mess unknown to her. That day I realized I had lost the love of my life. About 6 months after her marriage I ended up in Prague and a real affair started. 
we met despite my reservations because I knew what would happen and it did. 
 

the passion was incredible and the connection so powerful. We could not stop ourselves despite our marriages. 
 

we met again in Russia as I was touring with a famous band and she came to visit. 
then we had planned to meet again but Covid came and quashed our plans. 
 

i ended up suffering from deep depression due to loss of job from covid and was about to end my life and out of the blue she called me in tears as she felt me somehow and was distressed and distraught. If not for that call moments before I was about to take my life I would not be here today. I sometimes think or wish she never called and I  would not be in the present situatio… but she did and I am. 

That day I knew our souls feel each other and she said the same thing. Because of my depression and suicidal ideation and thoughts my wife separated from me. 
 

I moved to Prague then in 2021 and we started a full blown secret affair. At first it was amazing and we were inseparable, she spent all of her time with me and we went to parties and events together despite the risk. We told everyone of her friends that we were best friends etc most if not all believed it but I suspect now they figured it out.( I am blanked or blocked.)

This is the short version as I can’t write it all down here. Late In 2023 her husband found records of us in her jacket but she somehow managed to keep us a secret from him. 

At this time I was struggling that she went home to him every night leaving me for someone she claimed to love but spent all her time with me, even when she was at home she txt me and I txt her etc in march of 23 i lost my job and I attempted suicide. The belt snapped. I’m still here. Not allowed to die… I found some work but I had to travel weekly to it and she hounded me at work. I was working telecommunications and had to turn off masts before work commenced and she believed I was ignoring her. She got angry! Really angry  to the point when I turned on my fone she was waiting and called. A colleague took my fone as we were asked to leave the building due to a break down I suffered from the anger and abuse. 

finally end of 2023 i had to leave Prague due to financial difficulties, i spent everything on her, on us. I truly believed we would end up together and she confirmed it a number of times. 
 

well leaving that magical city caused her to be terribly angry at me and claimed i abandoned her. I moved to Spain to my sister in the hope of finding new work and paying off some debt that had developed from my nasty painful divorce. My ex has no idea of this affair. But  the divorce was shitty! She took a lot from Me and the law bills were astronomical. 
 

well she visited me twice there and we went on a special retreat where things went badly. I had a bad experience and bruised her wrist by grabbing her in despair and desperation to stop the anger. I deeply regret it and hate myself for it. Never did I hit her or so. But I physically restrained her in my panik. 
In June of 2024 after 7 months of torturing me with love and hate over and over and I finally cracked and I did something terrible. I contacted her husband! I had had enough and wanted to be left alone. 
 

2 months passed and she contacted me again on  my birthday and it started all over again. No matter what I did she was always on my  mind despite what had happened. 
 

I left to the other side of the world to start new but it didn’t work out. I was deeply depressed there and with no one to help me in my depression….
We were in touch and kept an emotional affair going and had FaceTime sex regularly. I can back in January 25 and went straight back to Prague to see her and apologize personally to her for telling her husband and being so nasty for doing it. I can’t excuse it but she forgave me nonetheless.
Note she is my dearest friend or so I think. Not sure anymore. 

when we met well you can guess what happened. We spent a week together and fully in love and not as bad word spoken. tons of sex and time alone in spas and hotel rooms. 
 

when I left it wasn’t long before her anger resurfaced and my  depression took over again. Finally last week I drank a half bottle of whiskey and took some pills and nearly hung myself. I involved her by calling her and txting her drunken crap and she just ignored me. i woke up in a puddle of vomit, I passed out before I could hang myself. 
 

either way she ignored me all weekend, I tried desperately to apologize for my actions but she went cold. 
last night she got in touch and no doubt will be again. 
 

I am deeply in love and love her more than anything I have ever known. She will not leave him because he is financially sound and he pays for her life pretty much and she says she loves him. We all know you don’t cheat on someone you love, especially the way we spent 2 years virtually living together unknown to anyone. 
 

our bond somehow cannot be broken. We have both tried no  contact when I told her husband. (He forgave her…. How? We have tattooing code together and our animal nicknames drawn on our bodies and I told him, how did he forgive her?)

I know it was a terrible thing to do. No excuse, though I should elaborate and explain. If asked I will. But she contacted me on my birthday per email. I had blocked her everywhere and even changed numbers. But I replied. I missed her. I adore her and who she is. I understand how she feels about me. I can tell you some stories of those two years where miracles happened by will power when we both put our energies together. 
 

I don’t understand how to continue this and I’m not sure she will ever leave him. I doubt it. 
but where does it leave me? Alone, broke and totally broken-hearted. 
I know it’s all my own fault for getting into  it in the first place but I can’t turn back time and have no idea how to get out of it. 
 

I have saught out a psychologist and will start soon I hope. 
yes I have tried pills and therapy for depression and they left me like a zombie. 
not doing that again…. 
 

she can’t do no contact and neither can I. We dream of each other and meeet there too. For example 2 weeks ago I feel down the stairs as I have been suffering with back problems and was unable to get help, I lay on the floor for over 5 hours unable to get a fone or help  of any sort. 
 

when I finally managed to get up to  my fone I saw she had txt me 15 times and said I hope you are ok, I hope you have not fallen down and are lying there helpless….. 

how did she know? Just how? Same like the attempt when she called! Our souls are connected in an unexplainable way. We are karmic twin flames but she is comfortable in her marriage and that’s it. She cares for him but as the story highlights she wants me more somehow but won’t leave him.

i am at my wits end with the situation and i can’t see a future anymore. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. 
 

never get into an affair! Simple. Yeah hindsight is 2020 vision!!! 
 

well thank you for reading and I will appreciate any feedback or questions or suggestions. 
take care people 

in love and confusion 

strangerPB aka X 

 

 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Strangerpb said:

never get into an affair! Simple.

Indeed. Thank you for sharing your story.

As hard as it is, breaking off all contact with her is the only way to proceed. Get professional therapy and start healing.

Tell yourself every day, like a mantra: “Thank God I’m free from this. This harmful relationship with a toxic person drove me to near suicide. Luckily, I managed to get out and will do everything I can to restore my self worth and seek my own happiness”.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Strangerpb said:

Our souls are connected in an unexplainable way. We are karmic twin flames

You will continue to suffer as long as you continue with this kind of magical thinking. Life is not a fairytale. Extramarital affairs are fantastical relationships in their nature - 

And then, reality hits you upside the head and it hurts - because you have convinced yourself that you have a magical connection and you have allowed yourself to create a fantasy relationship with a woman who is committed to another man. 

She has made her decision to stay in her marriage and you need to respect that and move on. Ending all contact with the woman and beginning the therapy that you have arranged would be a very good start. 

Best wishes.

 

[KentuckyEsq]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You will continue to suffer as long as you continue with this kind of magical thinking. Life is not a fairytale. Extramarital affairs are fantastical relationships in their nature - 

And then, reality hits you upside the head and it hurts - because you have convinced yourself that you have a magical connection and you have allowed yourself to create a fantasy relationship with a woman who is committed to another man. 

She has made her decision to stay in her marriage and you need to respect that and move on. Ending all contact with the woman and beginning the therapy that you have arranged would be a very good start. 

Best wishes.

 

Yes OP listen to this. Trust me. My MW cut off all contact after discovery. This was almost 2 months ago. It is gut wrenching and the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced. But you've got to do it. These things don't end well for the OW/OM. 

[Georgia46]

After reading through your post, I’m concerned about your mental health.
 

  Please seek out some help and a professional to talk to.    

 

don’t worry about her for a while just take some care of yourself.    

[Strangerpb]

I have tried but there is no help for a broken soul and heart. I don’t eat o don’t sleep and no doctors seem to help me . I am a total mess and a fraction of a shadow of my former self. 
I am on my very last wits I am losing the fight to stay alive. Everyday I wake sweating crying and broken from the fact I am totally alone. No one can help me 

thank you for your concern but I am not able to do this anymore. If there is a god he will end my suffering and let those around me live the rest of their lives in peace without me

[Georgia46]

2 hours ago, Strangerpb said:

I have tried but there is no help for a broken soul and heart. I don’t eat o don’t sleep and no doctors seem to help me . I am a total mess and a fraction of a shadow of my former self. 
I am on my very last wits I am losing the fight to stay alive. Everyday I wake sweating crying and broken from the fact I am totally alone. No one can help me 

thank you for your concern but I am not able to do this anymore. If there is a god he will end my suffering and let those around me live the rest of their lives in peace 

 

is there a friend you can talk to today? 

[S2B]

Stop handing over all of YOUR power to her!

she isn’t doing anything that shows she has your best interest in mind! She isn’t DOING anything to actually be with you!

this is up to you! To take YOUR power back is the way to start! And that means eliminating her completely from all ways she can contact you - so that YOU can regain your balance!

see a counselor daily if needed for a long time… until you feel more stable in understanding YOU are capable and enough without that toxic person in your life!

repeat after me “I am NO LONGER her other man!”

Edited Thursday at 08:57 PM by S2B