Route Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 Hello ! I am a 25, and recently for the past few weeks i talked a lot with a woman (she is 35) on discord (both messages/call) and over the past couple of days i feel like i started to be in love with her, thinking about her all the time, feeling very anxious, giving me a lot of stress and difficulty to sleep, The thing is that i know i'm not ready to have a relation yet, my situation is too complicated for that (and it seems a bit complicated for her too), we have talked about that a few days ago innocently, Yesterday, i had a bad day, i was on a game while calling her and some friends, the game didn't go well and i got very frustrated and yelling at it, and she heard all of that (she wasn't playing), so she sent me a dm to check if i was ok, i told her i'm fine and that's just the game, she know i'm not an angry guy and that i'm always chill that's why she was a bit worried, we continued to talk for a bit and then she told me (i translate a bit, but in my language like and love is the same word so that's sometimes a bit confusing), "I (like/love) you", so i said that me too i like/love her, then she said "really a lot", she said "very a lot", and we continued for like 6-7 messages with a bigger word each time, and then i said i don't have any word left the words are missing, she said she was honest all longs, and that she miss me, so the conversation continued for a bit, and then we talked really about the thing, We agreed that it would be a bit complicated given our own complicated situations, and i know that she said once she really like someone else, but she said she really loves me, think about me all the time and such and that there is nothig she can do to control that, i was feeling the same, we just agreed that for now we shouldn't try to be in a relationship and we'll continue to talk to each other as usual, i was feeling liberated that she told me that, because in any case i would have confessed that, i was feeling liberated and happy, But now that we know we love each other our conversation today were a bit more like we were closer, and i'm very confused now. I told her that if possible in the future i would like to be with her and that is frustrating that we can't be together for now, but my anxiety and stress keep increasing, i'm a very anxious person by nature, i have some personnal problems that give me anxiety, i'm not a very social person, and i just feel overwhelmed by all of this and i don't know what to do. She's a good person and i want her to be happy, but i don't want that she wait that i'm ready for a relationship, but at the same time i don't want to lose her, she's just too kind, and deserve to be loved and live happy, i kept thinking about all the day, my toughts going around in circles, i feel very bad and i don't really know why, That the first time i'm in love with someone at that intensity, and i'm so disturbed, i have a constant tightness in the chest, i would like to tell her but i don't want to make her uncomfortable or feel bad, I don't really know what to do, what to tell her, i don't even know, i'm just lost, My excuses for my bad english, i am not an english native speaker nor very on point on the grammar, i just avoided using translator and just describe things with my words. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Route Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 (edited) Hello again, Just posting a little update, i'm feeling a bit better, less anxious atleast, we talked a bit of trivial things, and some a bit more personal that i have never talked with someone else, it feels really great, i don't know yet where this is going, and i'll probably don't know for a while, but i'm very happy having met someone that i feel safe enough to talk about things i always have kept inside me, i didn't tell her any of the things above that i had on my mind, but i feel reassured, even if it's not going anywhere, i am happy that i can share such feelings and conversation with someone i feel i can really be safe with. I still don't know why this is anxious, but it's probably because i haven't felt these emotions in a long time or because i have trust issues. I also talked with a friend we have in common, she told me that i just need to stop thinking, and profit, and it's maybe the right way, i always have tendencies to overthink things, but i should try even if it's difficult not to. I would really like to have an external opinion on this, i know it's probably difficult to judge a stranger situation exactly, but maybe this could help me understand myself and the situation better. Feel free to ask for more details if needed, and thank you very much. Edited February 25 by Route typo Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 Sorry, I’m not sure I understood your story. Are you saying that you’re in love with a woman you’ve only known for a few weeks and never actually met in person? I hope you realize that this is impossible. Or have I misunderstood something? Assuming that you like her, what exactly prevents you from meeting her and go on a date with her? Is any of you in a relationship with someone else? Overall, it sounds like some kind of a game or a fantasy. If it’s really impossible for you to meet her, I strongly suggest to move on and start dating real women in real life in your area. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 I'm sure you've found a great connection - and it does feel really good to be heard and understood! But this isn't love. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Route Posted February 26 Author Share Posted February 26 17 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Sorry, I’m not sure I understood your story. Are you saying that you’re in love with a woman you’ve only known for a few weeks and never actually met in person? I hope you realize that this is impossible. Or have I misunderstood something? Assuming that you like her, what exactly prevents you from meeting her and go on a date with her? Is any of you in a relationship with someone else? Overall, it sounds like some kind of a game or a fantasy. If it’s really impossible for you to meet her, I strongly suggest to move on and start dating real women in real life in your area. 14 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm sure you've found a great connection - and it does feel really good to be heard and understood! But this isn't love. Hello, and thank you to share your point of view, You're right, that's probably not love but more like an attachment (or connection as you said, i'm not very good in english to understand the nuance), i don't really know how to describe it, but i think about her all day! We never met in person, and will probably won't for a while, it's a bit complicated but basically we are both not very sociable, and living on the margins of society, a bit due to our past and bad things that happened in our early life that put us in a state of "mental breakdown", she is treated for depression and mood disorder, but i'm personally not because i'm a bit afraid to talk about my problem even with a doctor, but she is reassuring with me and help me the good way about that, but i feel bad to bring her some negativity even if she said that's fine and pleasuring. She isn't currently with someone, but i know that she want to be with another person that she like, she also repeated me that nothing will happen between us, i felt reassured because i was very confused before and that's fine for me, i'm not in a situation where being and assuming a relationship will be healthy for me, I am not looking for someone, atleast for the near future, i really need to put my life in order before thinking about this, i just want to do the right things, i may be a bit naive, but a long term relationship with a person i can love and make happy is what i am aiming for, and that's not something feasible for now. So yeah, i don't really know how to qualify this situation, i'm just asking myself too much questions and that's feel a bit disturbing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 It's a bit frightening the way genuine social skills and human interaction seem to be breaking down in today's world. You cannot be in love with someone who you have never met in person. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Route Posted March 1 Author Share Posted March 1 5 hours ago, ShyViolet said: It's a bit frightening the way genuine social skills and human interaction seem to be breaking down in today's world. You cannot be in love with someone who you have never met in person. Hello, thank you for answering to my topic, I'm not gonna lie, my social skills are very bad, but nothing to do with today's world in this case, i'm just scared of peoples because of very bad experience with others, specially at school when i was younger, isolating myself of others and just reading book and do computer stuff. As for love, all of you were right, this is indeed not love, i like her for sure, but what was confusing for me is how anxious i got when thinking about her, and how i was feeling, and i just noticed that the anxiety is more like a fear of loss, than my first tought. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 It's possible for a relationship to start online, but you can't really know that you'll mesh well in person until you actually meet in person. So just enjoy this for what it is for now - a person to talk to online. You haven't said what your "complicated" situation is, but I hope you understand that cheating online is still cheating. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Just go with the flow and enjoy what this is. Don't overthink it. Eventually the intensity will wear off, and the situation will most likely taper down to a friendship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted Friday at 03:36 PM Share Posted Friday at 03:36 PM You're not in love, you're infatuated - with someone you've never met. Either make some plans to meet up, or demote this as a priority in your life. You're 25, you've got the world at your feet, you should be looking to explore relationships which are a good investment of your time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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