'Taking it slow'

[Blue224]

I’ve been seeing this guy for just over a month now. We met on hinge, met in person the next day, ended up spending 9 hours talking that night, walking outside, got dinner, hung out at his place, things went really well! Saw each other a couple times that week, I stayed over the next weekend and we slept together. I’ve been sleeping over almost every weekend since, hanging out a bit during the week (mostly walks and lunch) and things are amazing. We have so much in common and we have an incredible connection. But he told her early on about his past relationship trauma and how clingy and manipulative his exes were so he wants to ‘take things slow’ but I don’t know what that means! We had a lovely valentines date night, he tells me he loves being with me and that he’s falling for me, sends hearts and cute texts all the time. I’m falling in love with him and  I’m pretty sure he is too but I don’t know how long things are going to stay like this? He’s specifically said that it’s a “relationship with a lower case r” and that we’re just ‘seeing each other’ but it feels far more serious than that. 

[Mrin]

Okay so what are you wanting from him? It seems like you both are throwing off very normal boyfriend/girlfriend vibes. Are you wanting him to say this is a capital R relationship? That kind of feels like just semantics to be honest with you. Are you wanting a declaration of exclusivity? To me that seems very normal. Have you had that conversation yet? What is it that you're actually wanting?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Blue224 said:

But he told her early on about his past relationship trauma and how clingy and manipulative his exes were so he wants to ‘take things slow’

In my books, this is a big red flag.  Sure, everyone is allowed one (or perhaps two) crazy ex(s), but when someone has a heap of allegedly crazy exes, they are the constant.   Look at this guy who wants to "take things slow" and "says this is lower case r relationship" and also complains about exes being clingy.  You know why they were clingy?  I'd lay money that he was holding them at arms length.

You know how I knew my husband was a good guy?  It was because he had no baggage and nothing bad to say about his exes.

[Gebidozo]

Hmm, tough call. On the one hand, there is absolutely nothing abnormal about taking things slowly and not putting on labels, as @Mrin says. On the other hand, as @basil67 says, excessive badmouthing of exes is a red flag indeed. Proceed with caution.

[Georgia46]

I feel like it sounds like it’s going really fast after only one month.    Surely that’s too soon for labels etc?